A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've only been with him for 4 months but he's complaining that he doesn't know if I like him or not and that I don't compliment him or tell him how much I like him. I just got out of a long term relationship and started this one shortly after. I like him but I can't say yet whether we're the perfect match or not since we've not been together that long. Right now I just enjoy his company but I think he wants more. I don't know if it is because in my family we never said "i love you" to each other and it was more in actions than words but I find myself speechless when he confronts me about it. I think part of me is scared that if I tell him, he's going to want even more when I am not 100% sure he's the one. Am I even making any sense? Should I seek counselling? Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, alphamale +, writes (30 April 2009):
tell him stuff like "you look great" "I'd love if you stay and keep me company" stuff of that nature. Don't say I love you yet until you are sure. but tell him other stuff to boost his confidence.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): I'm a man and your situation is eerily similar to what I went through recently. I met this girl about 5 months ago and we hit it off. We spent new year's together, valentines day, dancing etc . however, she just got out of a long term relationship not too long before maybe less than a month before I met her, and she wasn't the type of person to say I love you either. I wanted something more and I just thought she didn't like me. two weeks ago things reached a boiling point when she let me hanging at a restaurant we were suppossed to meet for dinner. the next day I called her telling thanks for last night dont lose my number and don't ever call me anymore, her asnwer was a cold "OK". you shouldn't continue if you don't love him, if it keeps going he's gonna get hurt. you either love somebody or you don't walk out now
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): They are both right, sincerity is key don't say anything that you don't truly feel. Most people enjoy compliments and many people experience insecurity in the beginning of a relationship, sometimes its just initial and it gets better, sometimes you are in for a life of their insecurities, but to a certain degree we all get insecure. With a person who is truly depressed or really has no self-esteem it honestly won't matter how many times you tell him or in what way, he just won't believe it. If he is depressed he probably will do well to receive some counseling. Trust though takes a while to earn some people have trouble trusting and so it may take him a little while longer to trust in you and your relationship.
Tell him that your family wasn't very demonstrative with affection and that you tend to favor actions over words, so you are better at showing than saying. Tell him you do have some difficulty expressing if he knows this it could take some pressure off and he may try to understand. Also tell him that in light of just getting out of a long-term relationship that you need to take things slower, to be sure of how you feel first. My husband took a while to say I love you, but when he did I knew that he meant it! If you find you do have the feelings but still can't say them, and you are always keeping everything bottled inside then I'd recommend maybe some counseling.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 There is nothing wrong with you, you just want to wait till your sure. He sounds totally insecure with himself, and it will damage your relationship if he carries on. Kelly gave a good answer, saying little things would help and make him feel less threatened. Be carefull not to say things just to keep him quiet though.
XX
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Its normal to just want to enjoy someones company. You don't need to seek conselling. He must be insecure and need you to boost his confidence a little by complimenting him. Say things like 'I love being with you' or tell him that he's looking great. Little things get noticed and it will ease him out of thinking that you don't like him. X
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