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My boyfriend cheated on me, he had sex with his ex girlfriend and I only just found out

Tagged as: Cheating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 May 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey guys I'm really desperate for some advice so please here goes...

My boyfriend cheated on me, he had sex with his ex girlfriend and I only just found out... i knew he was still in contact with her and we constantly fought about that but three months into our relationship he had sex with her... how do i get over something like this

The worst thing I still love him and wanna be with pleaseee advice me i feeel lost and replused by the thought.

View related questions: cheated on me, ex girlfriend, his ex

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A female reader, beatandbroken United States +, writes (21 May 2013):

Girl the best solution is to get rid of the remains of the relationship and have friends to help stay out of his veiw and to help prep you up cuz you only live once.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009):

Hiya x

me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now but we’d been together for a year when he told me he cheated on me with his ex 3 weeks into the relationship. I also knew he stayed in contact with her and we did argue a hell of a lot about this, but after this incident he stopped talking to her as he new he made a mistake. I was angry that he’d hid this from me for a whole year! I know it’s not the same as 3 months into the relationship but it does hurt whenever this sort of thing happens, creating major trust issues.

Saying that…we have been together for another year after him telling me and we are happy. I’m not going to lie but it still does get to me and I don’t think ill get over the fact that he cheated on me but I have learnt to trust him again. It took a while but I realised that without trust we wouldn’t have anything. We do love each other and if you feel you can trust him again then try. If not don’t stay in the relationship. The worst thing you could do is say you forgive him but constantly dig it into him that he cheated on you.

... sorry its a really late reply..hope everything goes ok xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009):

The guy I was with messed around with his ex-girlfriend, and was just using me to get over her. It hurt like nothing I've ever felt because I honestly fell for him...but I gave him a second chance. It was all right for a few weeks, but then he started pulling away from me and ignoring me. It destroyed me that after I gave him this magnanimous second chance, he treated me so badly and still had feelings for her. I'm glad I gave him the opportunity, though, because if I hadn't I would have been tortured by the "what ifs." What if it was a one time thing? What if he really cares for me? What if we could have fixed it? Now I know it will never work. The assurance doesn't make it hurt any less, I still think about him resent what he did to me, but I feel better about the whole situation and I know I made the right decision. I don't know if you should give him a second chance or not... I don't know if in you're situation that would be the best option. I know you're hurting, I understand the magnitude of your pain, but if he treats you like this it might be the best option to move on. Don't let the "what ifs" torture you. Get your closure however you need to and move on. It will take more effort and strength that you can imagine, but it will be worth it. Best of luck.

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A female reader, Hedumpedherforme United States +, writes (20 January 2009):

Quite frankly, speaking as the "Ex girlfriend" who also had sex with my ex after he was in a relationship with another woman for 8 years after me, you need to leave him. I had been in contact with my ex (Xmas, Bdays, holidays etc.) and hadn't seen him for 17 years. Then, last Christmas we bumped into each other, had sex and he left his girlfriend of 8 years. He felt she was just a temporary fix while he waited for me. Leave him and find someone else. He's not over her and all she has to do is show him interest and you are history. Save yourself the embarassment.

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A female reader, tialauna United States +, writes (20 January 2009):

tialauna agony auntWant your answer? Here it goes. HELL to the NO! If he slept with someone else, why would you even THINK about dating him again? To be 4-real, LEAVE HIS CHEATIN' ASS! HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T DESERVE YOU. What if the girl had some STD, or STI? you wanna hang around the person, who probably caught it! Girl, you need to get like madea, and fucking rip his couch a part, if he doesn't have one, you need to fucking rip his ass apart!!!!!, but that's just my opinion!!! of course!...

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