A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been a relationship for almost 2 years now!lately things have been going downhill,we began to argue a lot and started fighting every single day..after one such major fight we stopped talking to each other for 3 weeks during which I got close to a guy friend who used text me a lot and even call me!i began texting and talking to him about casual stuff like politics,family etc he asked if I have a boyfriend I said I do but it's complicated and we have been fighting and I had not spoken to him since weeks!so this other guy and I continued talking we haven't met yet because I was too busy,but we are going to meet soon!now my boyfriend after 3 weeks comes back to me aplogises we kiss and makeup but I am still thinking about this other guy,I'm thinking what or how would it be we hung out together..do I continue talking to this other guy?or I should cut off from him?i find him really funny and for a change he makes me laugh I miss all of that!what do I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 March 2015):
 I have to agree with the advice to end it with you BF. Daily fight and 3 week silent treatment is NOT way to carry ON a successful relationship.
And the fact that you could "fall" for someone in that 3 week span is also an indication that you no longer harbor that strong feeling about your ex. I think the reason you agreed to "kiss and make up" was due to having 2 years of familiarity and history. THAT however doesn't mean you have to get back together. After all NOTHING was resolved before you got back together. Which means in a few week you two will be back to the daily fight, misery and drama. WHY waste more time on that?
Guy #2? DEFINITELY rebound material. He was your ego rub and hurt feeling balm.
NEVER go from ONE dude/relationship to the next. It's not a good idea and it's not really fair on the guys involved either.
Figure out if you REALLY want to be with your BF or not - LONG-TERM. If not, then END it and CUT the contact and move on. And DO NOT use another guy to "help" you move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): Sitting on a cusp between men is where you've purposely placed yourself. You really want out of your present
relationship. Don't you?
You've got to deal with the situation at hand; before you consider even looking at anyone else. The coincidence of meeting someone during a fight is too convenient.
It happens when you're angry at one guy, and another comes along; and you can see no wrong in him. You were searching for relief, feeling abandoned and shutout. You were looking for something alternative to what you were experiencing at that moment. That's what's called rebound-feelings.
I don't know about you; but if some numb-skull ignores me for three weeks, there will be no kissing and making-up. I'd feel totally rejected. I'd let that person know with no uncertainty; that if we can't compromise, or work things out through communication? I'd rather be alone. You dumped me for three weeks, and come waltzing back! Hell to the no!
Communication is how adults work through problems and find solutions. This is only a cease-fire. You'll kiss and make up, until the next fight about the same old issues. They have to be discussed. Fixed and resolved, once and for all. Snuggling him, while thinking about another guy makes no sense. If you need a change, then dump him. Get through the emotional-phases of a breakup, get over him; and only then start considering your other romantic-options.
The other guy was a rebound, because he caught your attention at a vulnerable moment. Your boyfriend gave you the silent-treatment, and your feelings were sore from it. The other guy was especially attentive, sensing your vulnerability. You'd be better-off to write that off.
If you have not completely made-up with your boyfriend; don't fake-it, while you've got another guy on your mind.
Don't go hopping from one relationship to another; thinking you can pickup where you left-off with some new guy. There is no such thing as a seamless-transition from a breakup to another relationship. DC receives too many testimonies to confirm the validity and truth behind my opinion about that.
There is a detachment-process to undergo; and unresolved emotions between you and your ex.
Your rebound feelings will subside once you get your emotional-bearings. And your next post will be how to get out of a rebound-relationship you jumped into before you were ready. Don't say you'd just date him. You'd actually go searching for a new commitment; to avoid the miserable agonizing feelings after breaking-up with another guy. You'd be looking for an instant-replacement.
Deal with the bird in the hand. If your heart isn't in it, let him go. Not just so you can fly into the arms of another guy, you don't really know well enough to have feelings for. Just because he was nice to you, and he made you feel good when you were feeling down.
Stop talking to the other guy altogether, or you'll have a new reason to fight with your boyfriend. While leading the other guy on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 March 2015):
 This is why getting into another relationship while leaving one open-ended is always the wrong way to go. Your boyfriend froze you out for 3 weeks? Unacceptable on every count, and could be considered relationship abandonment. I think you should break up with your boyfriend once and for all, because anyone who silent treatments people for weeks deserves to be alone.
Do NOT progress things with this new guy until you finalize a breakup with your boyfriend. If you don't, then you are cheating. You can't have both. If you reconcile with the boyfriend, then this other guy needs to be cut off. However, I say you shouldn't have reconciled with this 3-week flaker because it's only a matter of time before he pulls this crap again.
It's one thing needing a day or two to cool off from an argument, but 3 weeks is unacceptable and should be a complete dealbreaker.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (21 March 2015):
 You were having issues with your boyfriend.. arguing and feeling unloved. You were craving for some tender loving care. You desperately wanted someone to talk to you, to laugh with you, to show interest in you as a person. You weren't getting any of that from your boyfriend due to constant arguing.It's very easy to text and chat to someone we don't know. He seems so funny, so caring, so awesome. That's usually how it is when we meet and talk to someone online. We develope this perfect image of him. Reality will hit when you meet face to face. I'm not saying he's not a great person, but you will realize after meeting in person that this guy you've been talking to is not quite 100% as you imagined him to be. Just as you won't be 100% as he imagined. The key here will be how much of the difference will you be able to accept?How much do you love your boyfriend? How serious are you about being with him? Take some time alone to think about that (without contacting your new guy friend). You decide whether you want to continue pursuing this relationship with your boyfriend and work out (really work out) your issues. Or would you prefer to give up your relationship to meet this new guy and give it a try. It's a risk you have to take. Make that decision. No turning back.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (21 March 2015):
 Ask yourself if you relationship with your boyfriend is really what you want, think carefully about how much fun it was to talk to the new guy, how easy it was to talk and laugh and just generally enjoy life.
You have been given a fairly strong hint, I am not saying the guy you have been talking to is going to be the one for you, or an ideal boyfriend. It is quite possible nothing will come of your conversations, but the fact you have found it so easy to talk to somebody else, have laughed and had fun should indicate your relationship with your boyfriend is seriously lacking.
Do yourself a favour, break up with the boyfriend, constant fights and arguments are not good, and the fact you both stayed away from each other for three weeks also shows the relationship is in serious trouble.
Take the hint the universe is giving you and set your boyfriend, and yourself, free from the shackles of a dying relationship which needs to be put out of its misery.
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