New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224192 questions, 974169 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My boyfriend calls me derogatory names during sex. What does this mean?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 21 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am dating a wonderful, sweet, caring, thoughtful man and we are planning a future together. We have only been together for a few months. He absolutely adores me and I do him as well. We have an incredible sex life but one thing confuses me... during sex he has on several occasions called me very derogatory female names. Names that would be noted as demeaning and would be more than insulting. I told him after the first time it happened, which was also our first time together and he said it would never happen again. It has and again he has apologized. I can not figure out what is the drive behind this. We have discussed it and he has told me it's a dominance thing. What is your opinion on this?

View related questions: sex life

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, hindsight United States +, writes (21 July 2010):

This is all a matter of personal comfort and what you might be in the mood for at the moment. There are times my wife and I are absolutely downright filthy to each other during sex. But it's nothing more than that, just something that both of us find arousing. Has no bearing on our feelings outside the bedroom, and it's certainly nothing you'd find us calling each other outside the bedroom.

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010):

My boyfriend does the same thing to me.I think they just want us to feel bad so we can go cuddle up under there arms.I told my boyfriend It made me feel so sad when he called me those names*he calls me a little sl*t his wh*re c

*nt and a lot of other names*If u really love him just tell him not 2 call u that*i did this and it worked for me*Now my boyfreind hasnt called me these names anymore,but sometimes i miss when he does he does it sometimes but he says it only whrn i want him 2*But when we r around his his friends he slaps my booty and grabs my boobs and starts humping me against a wall*back to u just try this if it doesnt work just tell me.btw when my boyfriend does that i feel so weird and he acts likes he wants "it" right then and there*And now im always on top riding him :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, aman United States +, writes (3 February 2009):

Whatever you think, he doesn't really think you are what he calls you in bed. As you said, he is sweet and caring. Actions speak louder than words.

I'm actually on the other end of this... my girlfriend has actually requested for me to call her a slut in bed (but definitely not outside of bed). I wouldn't have done it before, but now I know it turns her on, and it turns me on a bit too.

As other responders have said, make it into a game. There can be a clear line between how you two act in bed and out of bed. In bed he apparently likes to be dominant. You should try acting submissive and see how you like it. Have him tell you to do things, 'punish' you for disobedience. If you don't enjoy it the first time, tell him how you feel.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

Lol. I have had a past relationship where a guy would say things like "yeah you're a dirty sl*t." I was like WHAT? I was angry because although he didn't mean it to be hurtful it was. I told him not to say that stuff because I am not a **** and I don't like to be called that. He still did it sometimes so we eventually just made it into a joke and I would call him a w***e. We aren't together now, not because of that but that was one of the reasons.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

Lol you should get on top, call him the same names and see his reaction. Maybe it turns him on.

Have fun x :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008):

Yeah -- allow him his fun, and you should really join him -- call him stud, or your so big, or boy-toy, or whatever. It will get his rocks off, and you'll both be happy. Experiment, so long as you both know it's role playing (except the stud and big part -- always let him think that's real! LOL)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008):

I remember watching this in a program! The girl face was a picture! if you can't handle it, maybe you may have to end the relationship

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, elisa_lee United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

elisa_lee agony auntI also recall having this happen in a weird, disturbing way. No person wants to be having sex with their loving partner and suddenly unexpectedly called a little whore. Now, if it really gets him off and you expect it, would you be willing to do it?

I suggest you have a talk about it.. if willing, you could offer to sometimes do "kinky sex" yes that's kink lite but I'd still want to keep it out of "normal sex." So my idea is you establish some expectations about what goes on in "kinky sex" (maybe you'll let him spank you too? but not bite? whatever.. talk it all out) and then before a session you mutually decide which it will be. My reasoning for this is that sometimes you want sex to be about emotional connection, other times about having fun and screwing. That might just be me though.. this is more of a "how I'd respond."

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, a_decent_1 India +, writes (31 December 2008):

a_decent_1 agony auntSome people call names while having sex, Some don't..!!

He might not be in control of his emotions when he says those words, which commonly are Bitch, Slut etc etc. It is for you to decide and let him know that you don't like being called that.. !!

I never degrade a Women by calling her a Whore, no matter how Sexually excited i am.. Talk to him.

G'day

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, blackroses2989 United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

blackroses2989 agony auntWell he's absolutly right lol. He's not trying ot be rude to you, but my guess is he's just a little kinky and domineering in the bedroom. If he's as sweet as you say, then you must excuse him lol. A lot of guys have a thing for that. It makes them feel manly, like they are dominating you, you are theres and no one elses. And trust me it is normal for a lot of guys. Sometimes they ust can't help it. How about instead of calling you different derogatory names, you decide on one or two that he can call you,that way he stays away from the ones thta offend you most. For example, heres a list of four derogetory words he uses during sex : Slut, bitch, cunt, and whore. You can decide on two things he is allowed to call you, ofr example you decide he can call you : bitch and slut. Then if he does happen to say the other two names tell him you will have to punish him by maybe whipping him or something lol( or maybe he'll like that lmao). Make it a game so it can be taken more light hearted lol. Just dont get too mad at him, just catch him if he slips up. I hope this bit of advice can work for you, good luck!!!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My boyfriend calls me derogatory names during sex. What does this mean?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!