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My boyfriend called me ugly, should I be upset?

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Question - (26 August 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been with my bf for about 3 years now. He's never called me ugly before (and I'm not too attractive) but recently I've made a new guy friend and I was texting him a lot today. My boyfriend was with me and he kept asking who i was texting. I told him and he got a little agitated. Finally, after like a few hours, he got mad and asked me why this guy (who lives in another state) was texting me so much. I explained to him that we were only talking about school stuff and my boyfriend got mad and said that the guy is a creeper. He asked if the guy's seen my pic on fb and I said probably. To that, my bf said that "well, he's a creeper because you're ugly" That got me mad and I when I told him, he said he was only kidding. Is he just jealous? Should I be upset with him over this?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 August 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Amen to Aunty BimBim.

Yes, your bf was rude- and spiteful, his was a cheap shot said precisely to undermine your confidence that he knows not being stellar.

But, he was probably furious, and with good reason :

what's this business of spending time with your bf ... and at the same time texting ( a lot , too ! ) another guy ? Well, another person, anyway. It would have been super rude ieven if it had been your BFF, but virtually bringing along on your date ...some unknown suitor from the net, ... I mean, come on Please don't tell me that you really think it's Ok ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014):

He's jealous and he went for the jugular; because he wanted something hurtful and effective in damaging your self-esteem. He wasn't "kidding," he was pissed-off. That was verbal-abuse, and you should tell him it was.

If you call any female ugly; they take it personally coming from her husband or a boyfriend. Figuring her looks count, and his attraction to her depends on it. If you were ugly, why is he so jealous?

Ditch the creeper! Guys like that are trolling online looking for sensitive girls with self-esteem issues. You're too sensitive, and probably shouldn't be chatting with guys your boyfriend doesn't know about!

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (27 August 2014):

Aunty BimBim agony auntWhy would you be with your boyfriend and texting some other guy so much you boyfriend felt the need to be so rude?

If you are with your boyfriend, then BE with him, not off in texty texty land. Maybe you and your boyfriend could come to an agreement, when you are together, no social texting or phone conversations. He was possible peeved you introduced a third person, one he dosen't know, into your time together.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (27 August 2014):

Sounds like a line out of Ace Ventura Pet Detective.

I guess you should be mad, but why are you texting another guy from another state anyway?

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A female reader, Lonely 81 Australia +, writes (27 August 2014):

Jealous YES! You do have the right to be upset about this, bringing you down to make himself feel better is not on! The jealousy is understandable, even a little flattering but hurting you, even emotionally is not on. He need to learn how to say how he feels instead.

By the way, he couldn't possibly think you are unattractive, he has been with you 3 year and just had a bitch fit when you texted another man. My guess is he finds you very attractive.

This might be a little thing but take more notice of how your relationship works. Is your boyfriend often attacking you emotionally? Over the long term, this can really damage your self esteem and compromise your ability to defend yourself.

Best wishes

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014):

hes just a jealous douche but its been 3 years you say and it was a one off ? hummm maybe just talk to him but if it keeps happening and it gets worse leave him iv been down the road of a jealous gf in the past every girl (even family) she was always on at me about it over and over it got way bad and i fell in to a deep depreshion over it thankfully i am now better.

please dont got down the same road as me if it DOES continue please get out before things go to far

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 August 2014):

Honeypie agony auntYeah your BF is jealous and... rude as frack.

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