A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are home from college for Christmas break. We pretty much live together at school and are about 12 miles apart here at home. We have been going out for more than four years. He got home five days before me and spent that time exclusively with his family. I have seen him for parts of days since I got home. My family spent Christmas Eve at his family's house for dinner. On Christmas, my extended family was over (he did not have company for dinner) and I invited him for dessert. He said yes, and then called and said no because it would be offensive to his family if he came to my house. They had already eaten and had dessert. By this time it was nearly 8:00. He ended up coming, but not until after he hung up on me and acted like a jerk and embarrassed me in front of my whole family. When he got here he told me I had no respect for his parents and that I was selfish and had put him in a terrible position. I told him that he should have told his parents earlier if he wanted to come and also that I thought it was ridiculous that they would be offended if he had dessert with my family. He said he was sick of all this being put in the middle meaning he felt he either had to offend his family or have me upset/angry. His mother controls him every which way.I told him I didn't see how my invitation was an intrusion or a problem and that it was normal for us to be together for some part of Christmas. It really made me feel pretty unimportant. I just don't get what is going on here. We are planning on marrying, but this scares me.
View related questions:
christmas, my ex Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 He properly just wanted be with his family, when your engaged you have a right to have a go but until then, I would let it go. Me and my b/f spend christmas day with our own familes
A
male
reader, dc.ryan + ♥, writes (27 December 2007):
 Christmas is a very stressful time of the year for most couples, especially when you have arrangements with either side of the family - its hard to please people. You want to spend time with your family, and at the same time spend time with your partner - but this conflicts on when this could possibly happen and where. I think what he said was very unfair considering all you did was invite him over for dessert with your family. From the sounds of things you have a very strong relationship, and whats missing from everyones issues here (that I've noticed) is that they haven't sat down and talked about their concerns. I always recommend that you sit down and talk to your partner over lunch or dinner, and explain how you felt upset that he got angry at you - and that it was just an invite, but also apologise for any sort of problems you got him into with his family and ask why it happened.You need to reasure him that he can make the decision whether he comes or not - it should be natural to him, but you both have your priorities, on that evening it was with his family. Personally I think his behaviour was very different to what you've probably previously experienced, and he needs to learn that kind of behaviour upsets you personally and has made you feel unsure/insecure. Let him make the decisions, tell him precisely that he had the choice - it was an open offer, not a forced agreement and that he should understand that by now he can choose where he goes - and that you wouldn't be disapointed with him. Please ensure you don't let your convisation result in argument, as this can cause more problems than good and make this eventually worse. In a 4 year relationship, you shouldn't feel unimportant thats for sure - but make him know you felt that way, not because he didn't come for dessert - purely because it wasn't very nice to you.Hope that was any help,--Ryan
...............................
|
