A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:THIS IS A LONG ONE BUT PLEASE READ ALL OF IT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK:First of all, we have been together for 3 years. We're both 22 years old. We just moved in together a few months ago. We're both going to the same college full time. Today after I got home from school (4 hours of classes), I asked him to come to the store with me so I could buy trash bags. On the way to the store we got into a HUGE argument over money and chores. He wanted me to buy him milk and bacon, even though I NEVER drink milk and NEVER eat bacon, plus they're both pricey. I told him it wasn't fair since I don't use them. Then he told me I wasn't allowed to eat any more of his food. This turned into an argument over what he thinks I should owe him for what I've taken of his food. My argument was that I do 95% of the house work (Dishes, laundry, folding of laundry, mopping, sweeping, cleaning the bathroom) and he only ever takes out the trash after complaining about it for hours and sometimes even days before he finally takes it out. So the very small portions of his food I take (butter, a few other snack items) should be considered paid off since he doesn't help around the apartment and since we both have the same load of school work.Plus he refused to admit that I DO pay for MANY of the things we BOTH eat and use (like dish-soap, toilet paper, trash bags, bread, rental movies, etc.). After making me cry by calling me the "C" word several times and explaining how he doesn't care about the work I do, he expected me to buy him lunch at a fast food joint. I agreed, despite being upset. When we got to the fast food place, I jumped out of the car as soon as he came to a complete stop, and made my way for the door. I looked back, and he was driving away! I thought at first that he was just messing with me, but after waiting for 10 minutes, he didn't return. I called him and he said, "Enjoy the walk home, b****!". Had I been close to home, I wouldn't have been so upset, but I was in the next town over, which is a few miles away, and half the walk home was UP-HILL!As soon as I arrived home, it was obvious that he had been looking at porn. There was a paper towel with his "stuff" in it, on the coffee table. I found this SO disrespectful because I always put effort into pleasing him(oral sex for long periods of time before intercourse, giving it to him, NEVER receiving). I felt like it was so cruel to do THAT when I was walking several miles up-hill and in the heat for over an hour. Instead of looking at him or arguing, I went into the bathroom and fell apart, crying. He followed me, making fun of me and calling me names. I don't know how to react to this. I am so angry, and so hurt. I feel like a f***ing idiot moving in with him and signing a lease. He doesn't appreciate me, and this story of what happened today is just ONE of SEVERAL similar instances. Has anyone been in (or is anyone currently in) this same situation? What do I do? How do I deal with this? Please, any advice or comments will be very much appreciated!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): Please do not stay in this relationship so what u signed a lease. No big deal u will figure out a way to get out of it. U can not over with this beast. No one deserves to be treated this way. It is disgusting the way he treats u.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (30 October 2012):
Depending on your lease, you may be able to break it without incurring a loss. If both of you are on the lease, you may be able remove yourself from the lease, without a penalty because the lease would still be in your boyfriend's name. If you would like to do this, do NOT tell him beforehand. Talk to the people in the apt complex office about whether you could remove your name from the lease without penalty. You will want to ensure that you have moved your things out while he isn't there and then sign paperwork. If any utilities are in your name, you need to cancel them that day or transfer the accounts to whereever you are moving.
Next, no more blowjobs. Blowjobs are for men...not grown men who act like disrespectful little boys.
Stop buying the shared items and doing any chores but your own.
Can you call your parents and tell them that you need help to get away from this situation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): I am so upset by your post, nobody deserves to be treated like that. He could be the sweetest of people 95% of the time but this instance is enough to know that he has a cold heart. I would guess he is an ass most of the time, especially wanting oral sex and never reciprocating and his demanding you to buy things, pay him back for his food and never helping with housework.
Please get out of that house and leave him for good. Just look at the replies and see what other people have gone through and know you must make a clean break before it gets worse. Speak to your landlord and be honest, say he is making your life unbearable and you cannot stay on the lease. I would even happily forfeit any deposits put on the place just to get out. Maybe the landlord can advertise for someone to room share, if its near college I can't imagine it will take long for them to find someone to take your place in the house anyway.
Never let anyone treat you like he has been, always expect equality in a relationship and don't settle for less x
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (30 October 2012):
Hi OP
This is an awful story and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
I would say that leaving you to walk home is the least worst thing about this. Your boyfriend is abusive and disrespectful. You need to leave him as this behaviour is unacceptable.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): Yes, I have been in this situation. It's abusive. I left after being with my ex from ages 17-25. Looking back, I see it as a huge waste of time. I damaged myself by staying with him.I tried to leave him several times, but he was so controlling and manipulative. He'd become sweet and cry and I just couldn't leave. But then he had this stupid abusive side - he'd get so mean. Leaving me and driving away. Calling me a BBBB***tch and other names. Yelling at me. Not acknowledging me when I would talk to him (no eye contact sometimes). Not appreciating me or helping me around the house (infact once I cleaned the house he freaked out screaming at me that I cleaned the house for myself and not him and that I'm selfish). Once he dragging me out of my bed by one leg and out of the bedroom. He'd make me pay for stuff, be all sweet asking me to pay for his jacket and if I said NO he'd get moody and sad or rude.It was a horrible cycle. Alternating between abuse and sweet and loving. Just when I would warm back up to him it would start all over again. It was so confusing. The good times would make me hold on. When I finally left him he begged and cried. He'd leave 15 voicemails per day for two whole months. He would show up at my door. He'd beg and plead that things would change. It was so hard to leave him. Luckily, once I did I was open to start a new and healthy relationship. Which I did - to the man I'm married to now. He's never yelled at me, he never has sworn at me, he's loving and kind. I thought all men were like my dad and my ex, so the way my husband treats me was a shock. I thought I wasn't 'that' loveable and I thought all men act like that. I picked up some horrible habits - I came in ready to fight and battle and the poor guy had no clue how to handle me. He'd be calm and I'd be yelling. He'd be patient and I'd be verbally abusive. It's strange how being with my ex made me an abusive person too. I learned to fight in a very unhealthy way and to treat another person I love badly. That's what I was used to. That's what I thought all men were like. That's what I believed I deserved.I am so glad I left. I hope now or soon you can do so yourself. You're a smart girl going to college. Try to look at this situation objectively. His demeaning words, antagonizing, threats and actions are just as horrible as a punch.Why are you with him? How can someone truly love you if they're willing to treat you like that? He does love you, but he's damaged and has issues. You can't help him with his issues. You need to help yourself and protect yourself. Being with him is a waste of time, it damaging to your personality, its not emotionally healthy and your preventing yourself from meeting that really special wonderful guy who will treat you like a princess all the time.You need to first move out. FORGET that lease. Pay for that one months loss and get out! This is not a situation you need to be in. If you have great parents, tell them about it and move back in with them. Get some counseling too. Go and make/hang out with your friends and be a carefree happy 22 year old. You don't deserve to deal with such stupid crap. Life is too short not to be loved, treated well and to live without joy. Who wants to be in a warped cycle like that anyway.So yes, your boyfriend isn't much of a boyfriend. He is abusive and you should leave.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 OP if this isn't abuse then what is? You need to talk to your landlord and get your name taken off the lease. This man seems to think that you have no option but to be with him and you will endure him because there is no way out for he, that's why he dares to treat you like this. Ditching you on the road is bad enough but to come back home and watch porn and then leave the nasty evidence for you to see is just appalling, to say the very least.
Leave him right now OP, he doesn't deserve a second chance and neither can this be worked out because his actions are unforgivable. Tell your family and friends about him because people should know what a jerk he is. Look up an alternate living arrangement and get out of here as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 This has got to be the one of the worst stories here. Please don't let it drag on to become physical abuse. I would not talk and negotiate. I think his character shows that it's already beyond talking. I would quikly like find a new roommate to sublet it, move back home if you have to. I know you are shocked right now but you have to be strong. Don't be bullied into complying to his wishes like buying him food and cleaning the house.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): Dump him. Im sorry thats all I can say. I dont know you, but nobody deserves that, you deserve better. X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): Not me but my daughter found herself in a similar situation. They were together since she was 14, and he was 16. All was good when they spend all time in my house, eating what I cooked, wearing what I washed. Even when he went to college, he would stay in my house for 3 days, slept in a guest bedroom, dined with us, and hardly helped with house work. I warned my daughter seeing how he is, that he won't be a pleasure to live with.When she finished high school she was accepted into college in California, and they went together. And then when it's all started. He was terribly disrespectful, didn't do any work in a house. Then she said she has no choice but leave. And after all he started saying that she owes him money for food. I wanted to send him bill for all the money we spent on him for 4 years that he basically lived with us.I just want to say that when you live together you don't keep your food separate, ulu are not just roomates, you are a couple. You should contribute to household, both of you, but to calculate exactly how much and what each person eats it's just being cheap to each other.Appart from that, he is an ass to you. Leave him, the sooner the better
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 October 2012):
 I honestly think you two need to figure out how to end this living together arrangement.
It also sounds to me like the fights you two have are over REALLY petty stuff. If you two PLAN on staying together and making this work you two need to SIT down - make a budget and a chore list.
If YOU are the only one on the lease and you can AFFORD to live by yourself, ask him to move out.
Also, I would SERIOUSLY consider ended the relationship. He sounds like a grade A prick.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 October 2012):
 My advice is to never ever allow yourself to cry for him again, especially in front of him. He is cruel and horrible and deserves to be alone.
You need to get out of there. Talk to your landlord about your lease options, and find somewhere else to go. It's normal to have fights over money and stuff, especially at first, but using the C word, dropping someone off 10 miles away and saying "I hope you like the walk", and leaving a semen rag is nothing short of abuse.
Tell your landlord that you are being abused and need to get out and see if your name can be taken off of the lease. Seriously. If this is one of several occasions, then drop him. GET RID OF HIM. Tell your parents, your friends, your family, your loved ones exactly this story, holding nothing back. Get support from those who love you. They won't let you be alone.
This guy is disgusting and cruel. He deserves no tears from you. He likes to see you cry. Show him icy disgust and look at him as the insignificant, low-class insect that he is for doing this to you.
He needs you more than you need him. It didn't escape me that you had to ask him to take you to the store. Do you not have your own car?? Has he made it so that you can't go anywhere without him?? He's trying to control you! Same with the semen and the horrible names!
GET INDEPENDENT.
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A
male
reader, lost cartographer +, writes (29 October 2012):
You arent married. You are very young. Relationships are hard work and sometimes it is worth pushing through. At 22 some people are ready for a commitment, long walks on the beach and a white picket fence but sadly the most of us who are 22 male and at college just aren't.Having said that sooner or later you realise that a huge amount of pain from a break up is worth less than a small amount of pain over a long period.Sometimes when we are young we glorify the present. We overestimate the result of the short term and underestimate the long term. I think you are doing this. When you are older (and I dont mean that to sound patronising) you will wonder why you put up with all this for so long. You will really feel silly. No one deserves to be called a C***. I am not sure how he was raised but this is unacceptable. I would never leave a paper towel on the bench period. Even if I didnt have a girlfriend.Your life is what your thoughts make it
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