A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I took a long break but decided to try it again in Dec.My issue is he lives and works 2 hrs away. I haven't seen him in 3 months.I told him I need some form of communication (text,call,video chat)atleast once a day.Not for hrs at a time but an I love you/How r the kids.Here is an example:No word Sat.Called Sun.No call Mon. and Tues.I said it was over Wed. He calls says he loves me.Calls Thursday I tell him again how important communication is to me..and here we are no call Fri! What doni do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice. I will say this.. I have no jealousy or baby momma drama on my end. I am an amazing woman with a lot to offer. I never kept him from our kids. I was always his friend and helped him on hard times dispite his lack of fatherhood and the amount of girls he had over the years etc. He left when they were 1&2 and stayed away until this past Dec. when they turned 14&15. I am hurt and feel betrayed but it was not my mistake it was his for his disloyalty..my only mistake was believing he had good intentions. However, I have lived before without him and have no doubt I can and will do it again. I am going back to college to become a nurse in 3 weeks so I am glad this has come to light and I have time to gather myself and my thoughts before than.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): Okay! Now you know the truth. So purge all those thoughts you had of making him your man out of your head. He is only obligated and responsible for the financial-support of your two children.
You won't like this advice; but again, I put the welfare and rights of children above those of adults. They come first.
Maintain a civil and distant relationship with your ex. If he ever falls behind on his support-payments; see that you notify enforcement to be sure he catches up. If he wants to see the kids, allow him to be a father. You have every right to set the schedule, the length of time, and to cancel without notice. Unless he files for child-custody and his visitation rights are decided by a judge. Then you must comply.
Just get along, so the children do not have to go through your baby-mama drama. They are innocent and don't deserve your inability to deal with this situation; because of your jealousy and mistakes. You'll get over him. Now focus on you and your kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: He's cheating . Long story short we were video chatting today and he said his roommate was calling and he clicked answer and I suppose he thought it was going to close out my video in snapchat but it didn't and I heard a woman's voice on my end and was pissed and asked what took him so long to answer the phone ..he mumbled something I could not understand what he was saying but she was loud and clear.. He had some attitude and she said you know what I am going to let you go..and she said you going to have attitude with me and have me on speaker..so I will call you back when your attitude changes..he said no it's like that and she hung up on him.. I hung up the video chat and he called back..I asked him who was he talking to and he said oh my roommate ...he wanted to know if I wanted him to pick me up any dinner and I said no cuz I am already eating..I asked him if that was the only person he spoke to and he said yes.I said look at me and he did and I said why are you lying to me..he said do what..I said I heard it all ..I heard everything she said because it went through snapchat..he just looked confused and shook his head like I was crazy and I said don't ever f.king call me again ..I hung up and haven't heard from him since.... But everything that I saw as a red flag that he tried to make me feel was in my head is all true. He is in fact living with a woman and her kids. ?? I feel used and destroyed .. My entire body went cold.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): He's your boyfriend, you have two children together, he is two hours away, and he doesn't communicate with you like you've asked him to?
There is a lot wrong there, and I can't begin to unravel that without more information (like why don't you at least live together if you have two children, esp if he's been court ordered to provide child support -meaning you went through the trouble of going to court but you still want to be together enough to "date" as bf/gf? Or why not get you married, etc....)
There's more of a COMMITTMENT issue here rather than a communication problem, in my opinion.... is that an issue? One person is asking for more than the other?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is court ordered to pay child support and pays every month.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): Maybe he calls to say "I love you" to avoid child-support enforcement from child-support authorities.
Does he pay child-support? If not, why not?
It's not about you, it's about the children he fathered. He's running away from his moral-obligation as a father. Your feelings for him are irrelevant. Otherwise; this man-boy wouldn't be two hours out of reach. He'd be with his family. He's avoiding you!
If he's behind on child-support or not court-ordered to pay child-support; that is where you should be directing your efforts. Not chasing him down to be your man. He doesn't have to be a father or your boyfriend; but he has to support his kids.
Sweetheart, he doesn't feel the same about you as you feel for him, in spite of telling you he loves you. As I tell women all the time; the L-word is used by players and deadbeats to confuse and mesmerize gullible females. It doesn't mean a thing without the actions to back it up.
Women like to hear the words "I love you" said; but the women who can tell you how he shows it are the ones who are truly loved.
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female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (5 August 2017):
 You've got two children together???? He should be ashamed of himself. How often does he speak to them? Has he not seen them in months either?
Honestly sometimes you're better off without. He doesn't not sound like he is in love with you and isn't meeting your needs. He can still be involved with the children (though doesn't sound like he is) and you can find someone to share your feelings and treat you right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't have a car right now and is living with roommates. I told him I would drive to him and we could stay at a hotel or something and he just kinda blew it off. We have 2 kids together which is why I was trying again. I told him men always say women are hard to read but I am straight telling him what I need. He just says I love u ..i am in love with you .I am just stressed to the max. He also claims the communication is not a big deal and him not calling/texting etc. Shouldn't determine how much he loves me.. I think he has a way of manipulating me because when I do try and end it he makes phrases like "so your giving up on is, "don't throw away us " or are you done with Me " then says he is doing the best he can and communicates more that in the beginning which he would go 4 days or 5 days no word and now it's 2 tops! :(
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 August 2017):
 I agree with the other two, MissKin and N91
2 hours is not so bad that you can't visit at least once a month. When my husband and I started to date we were 9 hours BY plane! and we saw each other every 2 and 3 months. I was in Europe, he in the States. SO it CAN be done.
He doesn't really WANT to make an effort but he wants to keep having a GF or keep you from moving on.
IF you are NOT fulfilled why keep going? It didn't work so you two ended it, you gave it another try... and it still doesn't work.
End it and date someone closer, someone, who can fulfill your needs on EVERY level.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 August 2017):
 MissKin has hit the nail on the head.
His heart isn't in it. You broke up for whatever reason in the past so you already know you two aren't compatible. Just let it go.
Don't you think you'll be happier with someone that you can actually have a physical side of the relationship with?
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female
reader, MissKin +, writes (5 August 2017):
Two hours isn't really THAT long a distance. Why have you not managed to see each other at least once a month? I used to have a bf who moved to uni and for three years we were 200miles and a 5.5hour train journey from each other and I saw him once a month and we texted most days all day long and spoke on the phone for an hour or so once a week and online whenever we could as well. We were a bit more immature and probably communicated too much l, but even we didn't make it. We broke up because of the distance.
This relationship sounds like a complete and total lack of effort. You clear want more. It already didn't work and now you're trying again and it still isn't working for you. It doesn't sound like a relationship and it doesn't sound good.
I think you need to rethink this and think how happy you could be with someone who puts the effort in and wants the same things you do. I wouldn't waste your time any more and I would avoid long distance in the future if possible.
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