A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I a terrible person for doing this? He's making me feel like an absolute bi*ch.I work two jobs, and live with my boyfriend. One job is a day job to pay rent and bills and the second job is a non-paying internship to help further my career which I do in my free time - evening and weekends. Because of this, I am busy a lot and have been for years working and studying in college. My boyfriend has understood but does get annoyed about it sometimes.So, lately, I have been fighting with him quite a bit.I have a deadline to meet soon for the internship and find myself working on the project until all hours of the night. He says I should work on it before work in the mornings so I am free in the evenings but I cannot work as well or as fast as I do at night and I get exhausted if I get up super early to try work before the paid work shifts begin.This deadline for the project is super tight but I want to meet it to show the woman I am worth hiring (can then be paid and so can quit other job). However, it is not definite that this internship will lead to paid employment so my boyfriend thinks he should be the priority. I asked him to book a week off work so we could spent time together when I'd completed the work... but now Ive realised there is no way I can work THAT fast to have completed the project by the date I thought and have the spare time to see him - so my bf is furious! He doesn't seem to see all I do and thinks I should either 1)have worked harder in the first place to have got it done!! or 2)go freak at the woman for the unrealistic deadline. He has a great career.Help! I am torn. I do not want to dissapoint the person who gave me the internship and yet I do not want my bf furious that I have made him take a 'wasted' week off work whilst I will be working still on the project. We have already booked a holiday. If I work on it at all during this week we both booked off from our paid jobs - he will literally go mad! What would you do?Is my career more important or is it more important to spend time with someone because I am busy quite a bit working all the time?I'm exhausted trying to please him and do both jobs really well Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 August 2011):
You are at a crossroads here that, sadly, a lot of young people come to. You are going to have to choose between the man in your life, or your career.
You're still starting out in life, and you have an opportunity to at least try and make something for yourself. To do that, you have to hold down 2 jobs. At the same time, you also have a relationship. Together, those things simply don't work. Two's company, three's a crowd as they old saying goes.
I think you're right to work hard. I think you're right to put everything into the internship to make sure you give yourself the best possible chance of success. So many people don't follow their dreams, and come to regret it hugely later in life. Even if there is no definite job offer, you'll know you gave it a shot.
The problem is that you trying to follow your dream is destroying your relationship. That, sadly, is a fact. You're not the only one this has happened to. There are many other people who come to realize that they are not in the position to have a relationship precisely because their dream must come first. Your boyfriend, I think, has taken as much as he can. And the holiday thing probably will be the final straw.
You have to look at this without emotion now, and look at it using logic. The rest of your life will depend upon the decision you make here and now.
You are either in a relationship, in which case you simply HAVE to make more time for your boyfriend - including going on that holiday or at the very least taking some time off to spend with him (that was time you asked for).
Or, you take a chance on your career and let your boyfriend go so he can find someone who is in a position where they can commit.
I don't see any other way that this can work. Your boyfriend is entirely losing faith in what you have together. Relationships so often are put on the back burner for career choices, and then people wonder why they go wrong when it's all too late.
At the same time, people often reach their 40's and regret not having taken a choice earlier on in life about a career.
Personally - I would dump your boyfriend and throw everything you have into your career until such time that you are established and you can actually strike a good home/work life balance. Yes, it will hurt you and him. But this isn't working anyway and he will be very bad tempered and hurt when you tell him you can't take that week off. It is unrealistic and unfair to keep him dangling like this when he clearly wants more.
At the same time, you'd be doing yourself a massive injustice if you didn't take this chance at a career.
You are not in a position where you can have it all. You're just not. And rather than put yourself both through this misery, and the inevitable fact that it will end, you'd do better to end the relationship and give yourself a better chance at a career. Then when you are ready for a relationship and you can commit to it, you will meet the right guy.
Decision time. Man or career - I recommend the career.
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