A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy we live together in our own little apartment for 2 years, 90% of our fights is about his mom and younger sister. His sister is the same age as me. His Mom and his sister will come to our apartment without me knowing to take "only my boyfriend to the mall with them, they will take pictures together with his sister's baby (she's not married) gave him the pictures to hang in our apartment and this causes more fights. We fight a lot cause it drives me crazy everytime we argue he will call his mom for advice. His mom and sister came to our apartment and just straight up adviced us to break up cause we fight a lot, I was so heart broken and even him he was crying but I didn't expect him to allow his mom to make decisions for his relationship. I went to work next day and when I came back my boyfriend (my first love) had left our apartment. Found out later his mom and sister came and packed all his stuff for him since he didn't want to do it, they told him to leave his cell phone in our apartment (it was a birthday gift from me) but they took the battery out. I tried to call his sister but they flat out ignored me for 3 weeks. They took him on a family vacation so he can have a fresh start, he came back from vacation and finally called me I was miserable we got back together now but his mom is getting more controlling over him. Now we're talking about marriage and I'm affaid of his mother breaking us up again help.
View related questions:
got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): ". . . I wish for his mom to include me & our baby to her family."
You'll get half your wish: She'll welcome HIS baby to the family at your exclusion.
Be prepared for the very real possibility that she will be more intrusive than ever in attempting to manipulate her son into raising her grandchild the same way she raised him.
You have a very difficult road ahead as you try to raise a child to be a strong confident adult in the presence of a wimpy father and a domineering grandmother.
You can only hope that the prospect of fatherhood will inspire boyfriend to finally stand up to his mother and sister for the sake of his child.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2015): Most of our fights is about his mom & sister, he have a joint bank account with them and his mom would call him and asked about his spending all the time, I complained a lot to him that he need to grow up and handle stuff like a grown up since he's 4 years older than me that's why we fight all the time. They would call everyday to talk and I don't have time to spend with him. His sister will show up 2 times a week dropped off her baby for us to babysat on our days off while she goes out with her boyfriend & she don't even asked me if I'm ok with it she only asked her brother. Sometimes they would call when we are out on a date and talk while I just sat there. Their favorite time to call is when we're on vacation they love to talk for hours to a point that I hate going on vacations. The apartment we are staying is my apartment....not his. He moved in with me he was staying with his parents that is the reason why I don't like his mom telling him to put up thier pictures on my house, I don't even have pictures of my own nieces & nephews in the apartment and I don't want my sisters to come visit and point out I have his family all over our apartment put not our family. He was the first man I fell in love with and it's very hard for me to let him go, The reason we talked about marriage it's b/c we found out I'm pregnant, I would love to get married before the baby is born and I wish for his mom to include me & our baby to her family. I was upset about them whenever they go to the mall b/c I would get ready and his mom would tell him in front of me that she just wanted her children to go, I never said anything to them since I'm just his girlfried and I understand that is his mother. I love my mother very much but I don't call her everyday and updated her on everything we do as a couple.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2015):
 Ok , let me start by saying that honestly I don't get what's your problem ,if once in a while he goes for a stroll in the mall with mom and sis but without you. What's wrong with that ? Unless it's every day !- but you are bf and gf, not Siamese twins, if he wants occasionally a " family only " moment, that's normal- and you could use the time for doing something nice too, that you can't very well do when your bf is aeound, like going window shopping or having your nails / haor done etc.etc. Even less the pocs things: why in the world should he NOT have the pics of his sister's baby in his house ?! That's his niece or nephew, the opposite would be strange ( he not having any pics )!
Anyway- said that, I can't but confirm what other posters have said. You don't have an interfering MIL problem , you have a wuss Momma's boy Bf problem.
After all, if you are fighting so often, it's normal that his mother expresses her concern saying : " if you fight so much, then you should break up, instead " ( Btw, that's my opinion too . Couples who fight too often just do not make it in the long run. Plenty of research to back that up ).
This does not mean that your Bf MUST follow her advice blindly, or THINK with his mother's head, or can'r say to her " I disagree ", or even " Mother, mind your frigging business ". If he chooses to not do that, that's on him, not on his mother.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (6 June 2015):
 What a pathetic, sad little man! You seriously want to be with someone like him?
Look, don't take this like an ego thing, that you know, "I'll show his mom that no matter what she says he'll come running to me eventually". Its not worth it.
This man is a spineless loser and the mom and sister are bullies. He doesn't have the courage to stand up to them and its frankly ridiculous to the point of being funny at how much of a worm your boyfriend is and how cheap these people actually are!
And to make things worse, you want to marry him? Seriously?!! Do you even realize what you're saying? His mom and sister will keep "taking" him away and you'll be dragging him back....that'll be the story of your married life. And this worm of a boyfriend will never, EVER stand by you, take my word for it.
Is that how you see your boyfriend and future husband? As someone who has no backbone, who's completely devoid of personality and cant even stand for himself, let alone for you?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2015): "Now we're talking about marriage and I'm affaid of his mother breaking us up again help."His mother didn't break you up, HE broke you up.If he truly objected to his mother and sister's intrusive presence in his life then they wouldn't be an intrusive presence in his life. Unfortunately his mother has had a lifetime of practice manipulating him into bending to her will and nothing short of months or years of therapy is going to break her hold over him. And if you're talking about marriage knowing the toxic, dysfunctional family dynamic you'd be marrying into, then you need a psychiatrist as well because you're delusional if you think that will make any difference. If anything things will only get worse if you marry him as mother and sister will resent you even more for trying to steal him away from them.His mother will always come first, she's seen to that, and I'd guess that mutually co-dependence is probably a function of his father's apparent long-term absence.Accept the reality that you're in a no-win situation. He's got long-term deep-seated Mommy issues that you can't fix, no matter how much you love him. Best to cut your losses and move on. No matter how miserable you may be in the short run, it's nothing compared to how miserable his mother will make your life if you dare to marry him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 June 2015):
 Good grief!!
I'm sorry to say this, but I would end this relationship. You are dating a MOMMA's boy who LET his mom/sister WALK all over you.
Now what I don't get is your problem with him going to the Mall with his niece/mom/sister and take pictures. THEY are HIS family.. I don't see the problem with that AT ALL - I don't GET why that because an argument.
You are DATING this guy, you do not OWN him.
Family DO tend to give advice, sometimes out of love, sometimes because they think they know better.
And talking marriage? With this momma's by? How long to do think that is going to last? He is going to be moving in and out of your place and his mom's over and over and over...
Why waste life on this circus?
I think in all of what you write YOU actually come out the drama llama here... but I could be wrong.
...............................
|
