A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently told me that he was sexually abused by his male coach when he was 8. I am the only woman he has ever had sex with and he says loves making love to me. He says he feels very loved and complete afterwards. He said that he doesn't want anything between us to change even though he has told me about how he was abused. I'm wondering both how to handle this situation and if it's really possible for a boy to be abused by a man and still enjoy making love to his girlfriend? I care and love about him very much and I really don't want anything to change. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): I am a 28 year old male who was sexually abused by my coach when I was about 12. I am now married, I have 2 great kids, and I am doing just great.First of all he must love you because it takes more than a lot to reveal this information. He is sharing his deepest secrets with you. I have only ever told my wife. No one else. Ever. Not my parents, siblings, no one.Secondly, dont let this change how your relationship is. If there are no underlying issues. No problems in the relationship, just take it for what it was. he shared some personal information with you because he feels safe enough that you wont judge him.If there are no problems, dont tell him to go to counseling. That would be judging him. If problems develop down the road; he obviously loves you enough to listen to your advice to go then. I would have felt judged if my wife, then fiance, told me to go to counseling.Just love him for the man he is; and be grateful you have someone strong enough emotionally to share this information with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): If he is in the age group of around 18-21, there may be dormant issues he isn't aware of yet; buried deep in his subconscious. He may be dealing with the knowledge.
I would think his parents would have gotten him counseling upon the discovery he was sexually-abused.
He may be currently in therapy, and just didn't feel the need to discuss that with you yet. Ignorance attaches a stigma to people seeking treatment for mental-health. He offered what he was comfortable with for the moment.
So leave it alone.
The good thing is that he is in no denial about it, and has shared this with you.
Please don't make this an issue in your relationship. If you can't handle this information, it will be you who makes it a problem for him to deal with.
If or when anything will surface, if ever, no one can say. If he is having a good relationship with you; he is otherwise a well-adjusted young man; who doesn't need anyone playing amateur-psychologist into his past. Or predicting his future.
Let him enjoy the present with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): Has he ever went to conseling to work out his issues?? If not encourage him to go because it is possible for it to affect your relationship down the road. Its emotional baggage. My ex was also sexually abused as a child. His father forced him to sleep with prostitutes to make him a man. Sad. He was a good boyfriend for years but ended up confessing he had a sex addiction and could not be faithful to me. so ill just say make sure hes okay emotionally because those horrible things dont ago away.
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