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My bf loses his temper and lashes out at me very easily and out of the blue - is this normal?

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Question - (31 May 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, *taunton5410 writes:

I need some advise. My boyfriend loves me very much. We have been together for 8 months and we also have an apartment together. He holds me tight and tells me he loves me. Sounds like a fairy tale right? but there are also times when he gets mad at me very easily for things that I dont even really think I am doing wrong and he can also say some stuff to me that is very rude. I dont understand. he kinda just changes his personality sometimes, and is this somthing that I should be scared of or does every one get a temper out of the blue sometimes? Please if anyone has an opinion on this let me know.

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (31 May 2007):

DV1 agony auntHe may not know how to deal with his anger. Voice your concerns to him. If he scares you sometimes, let him know that. If he loves you, he'll get help, and be willing to change.

DV1

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A female reader, starfish United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2007):

it sounds as though you already know his behaviour is not acceptable!

dont put up with it, it may exculate!

get out or get him out and be happy!

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A female reader, gf123 United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2007):

gf123 agony auntHi,

Some people do have problems controlling their temper and can lash out for no reason at some times but, and this is the most important thing, there is no excuse for treating you badly or being rude to you.

You say "my boyfriend loves me" as if you are trying to defend his behaviour so I think deep down you know that this is not "normal" and certainly not right.

If a man respects his partner, he will treat her well all of the time and not just when it suits him. Of course we have bad times and things make us angry but there are far more effective ways to resolve a problem. Communication between partners for example is a very effective way of helping each other out and resolving your problems.

Only you can really decide whether there is a real problem here though, although I would suggest that there are plenty of people out there who would treat you right 100% of the time and you should not be putting up with the bad times because of the good. This shows a lack of respect for yourself more than anything else.

If you feel like you're in any physical danger or could be in the future then I would really urge you to get out now.

Best of luck

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