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My bf is in the army and I miss him so much. Do army relationships work?

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Question - (22 February 2006) 102 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2014)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is in the army, i miss him loads, dont know what to do.

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two months and he is in the army, i barely see him, only every other weekend, he told me he loves me already i'm not sure to believe this as its only been two months, i like him very much and i hope to have a future with him, but do army relationships work? Is it true what they say about men in the army who cheat? He goes to Iraq for 6 months soon and i'm dreading it, can anyone help? I'm so confused.

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A female reader, Dr bix Pakistan +, writes (13 December 2014):

Well I am in relation with a soldier. Its been 3 years. He was just a cadet when he proposed me and now he is an officer. He deployed to the other part of the country its almost like he is in Iraq or Afghanistan surrounded by terrorist and all but he calls me once a week or sometimes twice we can't even talk properly because he is having his junior soldiers around... Its hard it demanding its challenging but there is nothing like this military love... The best tip is... Trust him give your 100% don't play games be a lady not a baby girl... If you really love him I am telling you if someone is this much sincere with his country that he is willing to sacrifice his life imagine his sincerity with the girl he loves... Definitely he loves you and he will always be there... Just think positive because if you start thinking positively positive things will start to happen.

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A female reader, Ringoftruth United States +, writes (25 June 2012):

We all can only speak from our personal experiences. I think it's important to see the differences between them all. I am a prior military soldier but I have had relationships with soldiers while in the army and not. The bracket of "in the army" surrounds a scope of people from military families, enlisted or related to army personal somehow...so in truth now I am very much still associated in the army. Males in the army look at military women completely different from civilians first of all. They see the army girl as competition and so try to deplead her of her dignity in order to break her down or surcomb to the secret delusion understanding a lot of military men have that she is not strong enough to be his match. Civilian women men look at as delicate, ignorant of the military that they can lie about hat they do or to be fair keep a secret without feelin invaded upon. It was only after dating one army guy after another that I realized as an army chick, I was not appreciated fully therefore not respected. And I could not hope to be-men join the army not for any othe reason but to inflate their egos-most are sexest and assume they are superior. While deployed and told they can't have sex (like children told they can't have candy) why do you think they do? Most try to pair up with a female soldier even the married guys (shocking?) not so much, more like given into biology. Men don't cheat because there is an emotional connection-it's completely physical. They separate themselves and release pint up energy that can't be expended. Officers pair up with other officers and enlisted with other enlisted. Is it cheating? No, no civilian can identify with the horror and alienation a soldier feels in battle. They go off basically into a twighlight zones expecting to be they same when they return, but so much changes the lives of their friends and family go on and they are stuck in a time warp. It's so surreal. What I saw out there in the soldiers behavior was an ability to adapt do that they could survive. The relationships usually do not continue out of the war dynamic but if they do it is because things happened...I.e marriages desolved, relationships became too much to explain or in some cases a pregnancy occurred. Where do these men get condoms when they are told they can't have sex???? Hmmmm...any who men in the military do have outside conquests not to cheat but to survive. Men in the army who Are not deployed fuck their battle buddies in order to dominate and seek control in a once male operated system. They usually don't marry them they just use them to fluff their egos. Civilian women are more easily naive to how the system works but that makes them interesting not to mention a man gets to experience a dual life with civilian one which is half military and half civilian. You civilian women looks alluring because your all that he has left behind. No one really images giving up all of their life when they go into the army but they do. They are no longer called a man they are a soldier or then a veteran or a fallen soldier. Civilian women give that soldier a feeling that he is still capable of being just a man a father brother uncle son grandfather. So I got it! My reasoning for never dating a soldier again was because I had enough bs provided by my daughters father that he ruined my pallet for those kinds of men. I'm a woman and definitely not weak. Unfortunately I once again fell in love with a soldier my now boyfriend. He like myself a veteran but in order to feel secure with him he needed to look nothing like the army. I had him grow his hair out and get rid of the high and tight. He's a little sexest but can't admit it so I enjoy handling the finances and household responsibilities minus the dishes-I don't do dishes. I have a good man he slept around a lot he told me in and out of the army. But lucky me I met him when he was all fucked out literary. He looks only at me and we been together for a year. He gave up on random sex a year before we met and was looking for something real! An so here we have it. Do bott line regardless of the occupation if a man wants something real he is not going to cheat! If he's still a childish boy yes more than likely he will either think your cheating and so he will if he grabs the opportunity. If he shows promise don't doubt his faithfulness until he gives you a reason trust your gut. And use your eyes. Men are not smart enough to hide what they do. Of he cheats he will get caught guaranteed if you know him you'll know

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012):

Ie been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he is in the army, it is very hard, but it's also easy when you hear those little words I love you AND I miss you!

No its not true that they all cheat, it's all about trust for each other! If you don't trust then it won't work out! Trust me it's hard being away from them for so long but with the little time you guys have together will be the most amazing time of your life!

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A female reader, deeda India +, writes (15 April 2012):

deeda agony auntI am from India. I know I don't know how it feels to have your man in afghan or Iraq.

I have two different experiences to share. I have dated a few civilian guys in the past. But almost everyone let me down. Then I met this perfect guy. He is in the Indian Army. He was the sweetest person I had ever met. It was mostly long distance. But we used to call, exchange emails, chatted on Facebook and all. Then he came to meet me. We made out.

Then he just vanished. Later I came to know that he got married to his ex girlfriend. It was pretty devastating for me. I had decided to never let an army guy near me.

Then one day I came across this guy. He is also in the army. Something about him is such that when we started talking, I couldn't help falling for him.

Currently he is deployed in another part of the country.

It is similar to being in Iraq. But we still get to talk. Not everyday, sometimes not for weeks together, but he makes up for his absence when he is around.

We have known each other for 5 months now. We love each other but whenever I ask if we can have a serious relationship he always dismisses the idea saying his job is too risky and tells me all sorts of scary stories about soldiers and their work.

Sometimes I feel that maybe he is right. Then there are times when I am afraid that he is just like the other guy.

The bottom line is that, army men feel much more intense than the civilians.

But it is just like a rollercoaster ride. One moment you are up and the next you are not. When they are with you they make you feel on top of the world. When they are not, they take your world with them

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012):

I knew my Boyfriend only a short time before he told me he loved me. I was hestitant but at the same time I knew in my heart that I did too. He deployed two months after being together and we are still together now and more in love then ever. It is true Army Guys do have a reputation, but only you can make that judgement call. Do what you feel is right, dont let your vagina think for you. Move slow and just like any relationship get to know the person before you give in. My heart knew I loved my boyfriend before my brain did. LOVE MY SOLDIER and would do anything for him 3

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012):

my boyfriend is also in the army, known him for years and before we were together we were best friends. How long have you known him for? because that may answer your question, depending on how well you know him. When my boyfriend went into the army i broke it off thinking it would be easier that way and we didnt talk for a while, however over the xmas period he was on leave and i knew he was in the area, we met up for a few drinks with a few old friends, we talked everything out and knew we could make it work. He calls me every other day and I do the same. In July he is going off to afghan, and I have no idea how I'll be then, but im just taking it day by day, to try and make the long distance relationship work.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012):

Hello,

I'm the daughter of an (retired) Army Dad and now I'm in the Army myself. I'm someone who gives everyone a chance to prove prejudices wrong before I believe them.

But in these 24 years of mine history kept repeating itself.

Dad cheats on wife and meets my Mom. Out comes me.

Dad goes back to his wife, cheats on her again. Out comes a brother he never told me about. (Who knows how many more times he cheated on his wife)

I become friends with an army family. The husband in the family hits on me whenever the chance given, took advantage of me when I passed out drunk on the bed.

I join the Army, what I see in basic training and AIT is a cascade of unfaithfulness and pitiful, despairing lust.

And it's not only the males, it's the females just as well.

Spouses cheat on their partners, fiancés sway and fall into temptation, battle buddies screw each other (literally and emotionally) and cheat on each other, too.

I'm in my unit since half a year now. And From all the things I've seen I should have known better than to give my colleague a chance.

But he was cool, we seemed to be on the same wave length, similar hobbies, similar past, emotional scars, we had so much in common. And we were the perfect team, at work and in private. Everyone couldn't help but notice, even before anything happened between us.

But as good as it sounds and magical as it felt in the short time it lasted, it was all a lie.

Once he got what he wanted from me he never to the initiative to kiss me. All the beautiful words were gone from his vocabulary. He used to throw the word "love" around like he's giving me free candy and all of the sudden he's all out of it.

He barely spoke to me anymore and after the weekend... he dropped me.

"On Saturday night, I found out I love that other girl that I thought was just my best friend. We kissed and now we're going towards the possibility of it becoming a relationship. I'm sorry to break it to you that way."

He said SATURDAY. ONE DAY RIGHT AFTER WE LAST MET.

RIGHT AFTER THE TWO DAYS WITH HIM THAT MEANT THE MOST TO ME THUS FAR.

Thus far... and there will be no more.

It was no wonder I couldn't shake off that bad gut feeling. I should have listened to my doubts.

I'm not saying that every Army guy is a dirty cheater and cold-hearted liar. I am sure there are perhaps a handful that are honest and sincere, potentially faithful men.

I'm just speaking from my relatively long experience of dealing with army males, being around them, seeing, hearing and experiencing the things they do.

And it doesn't look good.

I am happy with my civilian boyfriend who is the sweetest and truly loves me for who I am.

We've known each other for 9 years now. There is no bad gut feeling and there never has been. I know that I can count on him and eventhough he's not trained like a soldier to do so, but HE's got my back! =)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011):

hello ladies i have to say these are some interesting emails..first let me tell you i dating a military also and he loves me and i love him..i reade your comments about your amn well let me tell you ..if he wanted to break it off with you be cause he had to go to alpgan''overseas is because he's not sure of making it back and don't want to hurt you ..i dont mean to sound mean but trust me right now' is a lot going on with the army and a lot of our soilders are stressed out" they are under a lot of pressure..so just pray and ask god that if you really love them to let you too be together.. and if god knows that he is for you and you for him he will put you too back too gether...be blessed

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

I think he is trying to protect you from the hurt of not having near you! give him time to clear his head i'm been with my man a year and a half now and he is in the army and although it is hard i could not imagine my life without him. So i stick by him and support him! But its clear your man loves you, and doenst want you to go through the pain, or misery of not having near you! With space and time wihtout you, he will realise that he needs you and your support in your life! But at the moment he needs to be 100% focused on his job. Give him time, if it was meant to be then it will be! hope this helps? :)

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A female reader, Bobbyjo United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2011):

Bobbyjo agony aunti cant tell you how happy i am to have found this post. I am in love with a guy whos in the army and Ive never felt so confused, frustrated and even desperate over anyone in my life. Hes based on the opposite side of the country to me. We met at new year, swapped numbers etc etc chatted on facebook, and he came to stay with me a couple of times when he was on leave. 2 months ago he said he really wanted a relationship with me and I said yes because I had fallen for him. Now, hes pushing me away saying its not what he wants because hes being deployed to afghan in a few weeks for 6 months and doesnt see the point in us being together. Ive told him I would stick by him and support him. Hes told me he doesnt want me to wait for him yet if he sees any other man showing the slightest bit of interest in me he goes mad and just shuts me out completely. Im so confused. I cant even speak to him now because hes in america for a month. I just miss him so much and so badly want to be with him. Its so hard.

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A female reader, Chalky86 Australia +, writes (10 March 2011):

I've been with my army man for 11 months now.

I have never fallen head over in heals in love with someone like i have for my man.

Since we met his priorty has been army life. I didn't want to do long distance but being the man he is i was 100% comitted dispite living on opposite sides of the country.

Just recently he has become withdrawn and pushed me away. He said he knew this year was coming and he's getting deployed to Afgan (which i already knew about)

I 100% support him and i have alwayds told him how proud i am. I've been coping with the distance but he struggles.

Just last month he broke it off with me beacuse he said he has to be 100% focused on work (which i understand) and he can't have distractions.

Yes we have broken up and stopped the contact but nothing in our reltionship changed, we didnt fall out of love for eachother or nothing it was just timing.

I just want army mens/ army girls opionin's.

Why did he do this? is it that he's not committed to me anymore? even though he asked me to marry him 7 weeks ago on holidays.

I want to know if he did this so i wouldn't be worrying everyday, if thats the case should i wait? I honestly believe he's the one for me.

Should i move on? or wait... please help!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011):

I met my Army man out one night when I was having drinks with the girls.

He chased me and kept the convo going. When he told me he lived on the opposite side of the country and was in the army i thought "nope" I can't start something here.

I thought since it's only going to be two weeks of hanging out why not? he seemed really nice and genuine.

Next think I knew, we are doing the long distance relationship and have been for the past 11months.

He has always been the one to say to me that he doesnt see the long distance working due to him going to Afgan this year.

I always told him how proud i was and encouraged him to contact me when he can coz he's busy (I have an understanding for this because im a female police officer)

We went on holidays this year and he completly withdrew from me, He broke it off with me only a month ago.

He said he needs to consintrate on his career and cant have any distractions which i 100% agree with but he was the one always asking to marry me and hes only 22 (Im 24)

it's his first deployment this year so I know he's going to be scared and wants to be 100% focused.

Thing is should i wait for him Beacuse deeo down i know he's the one, and i know he doesn't want me worrying but im independant and in a physically demanding job also so i can relate to him in a way.

I just want army men's/army women's responces. Did he break up with me beacuse of the career or something else? and should i wait ? because my heart is telling me I should

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011):

Hey, My boyfriend joined the Army and leaving soon for Georgia for boot camp. Im scared shitless we've been together over a month now and i am nuts about him! He said he'll come back for me after his training and he wants me to go with him w/e he is stationed. I don't want him to leave but hey if it makes him happy then so be it. He will leave a few days before his 18th birthday in August. I think all us Army Girlfriends/Wives knows how one another is feeling, strong/bad gutt feeling in the pit of our stomachs'.

Anyways, Best of luck! :) L.O.V.E!

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A female reader, Soulja Girl United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2011):

Heey,

im 14 and my boyfirnd went army Training and i thourght it was going to be hard, it has been hard but my mates have been ehere to help me through it

Dont let the distance between you Ruin your Relationship because at the end of the day Distance is only there to test the strenghts of a Relationship

An Army relationship can work if you are strong enough and support your Partner and have support yourself (:

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010):

Hi i have had the experience of dating a soldier , i met him before he went to Afghanistan, i literally put my life on hold, i didnt go out, spent my time thinking of him and worrying about him every minute of the day and sent lots of parcels out to him,Just before his R&R i received an email from a girl who told me we were dating the same guy! Everything he told me he did the same with her, i found his ex on facebook and emailed her, she told me to get out quick as he had done nothing but cheat while they were married. Yes im sure there are some army guys who are faithful but ive been told by a number of my friends who have dated military guys that its very common, they are trained to be cold and maybe this impacts on their personal life too? Good luck girls to any who date army guys, though i know i never would again .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010):

My BF is also deployed, but I will not sacrifice my life for waiting for him. I know it is hard but I have to remember that I have to take care of myself and my happiness too.

I have dated an army guy before and it eneded up in him cheating on me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010):

My boyfriend is in the army also I havent seen him since summer or longer I can only speak to him every other sunday and we write letters to each other almost every day. I am faithfull to him and Im 100 percent sure that he is to. I love him soo much, dont get scared if he says he loves you they need support and im sure he thinks about you almost every day. This Dic ill get to see him again and I cant wait to smell and feel him again. Alexandra Janis & Jose Rafael.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010):

the army life is pretty hard when it also comes to love and caring about that special one. I have been talking to this guy i meet online not too long ago. and i would never believe a day in my life i would fall for a guy in the army he is base in Washington, and i am in New York, and believe it are not our conversation brings life whenever we talk over the phone or online we could never get enough of eachother we conversate about any and everything. I get so excited its like we are talking for the first time, he is a freind and he could possibly be my future. I really think this is a great way to start and build a strong relationship because we get to bond mentally,emotionally these are things we dont normally do in a regular relationship, or when you are living with your significant other, i guess we dont know what we have untill its there nomore, we will be bonding soon physically when he comes home in December, I cant wait. I am so happy because of him. He knows what he wants he is not a cheater not all men cheat and any real man who knows how to make a woman happy will do a mans job to keep it that way.

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A female reader, Coiyah United States +, writes (10 October 2010):

I deffinately stand with the side that agrees that army/military relationships do work. I'm 18 years old my boyfriend is 19 (I'll b turing 19 at the end of this year) and he just left this morning at 7AM to go over to Iraq for a year. This is his second time going over there, and we just got into a relationship Oct.3,2010 buht I trust him completely. I know he will be loyal and faithful to me just as I will be to him. We both love eachother and plan to marry when he returns home! I'm very excited and happy for us. He has already called me when he got over there and settled in, and has also wrote me a 4 page letter that I will be recieving by mail soon! Actually he wrote me while he was on the jet! So I have no questions about if we will work out and if he will be faithful to me. We vowed to be loyal and faithful to eachother. Yes, it's extremely hard mentally, physically, and emotionally to sustain a wonderful relationship with solider when he is at war, but that is what causes the relationship to grow and mature! That's what separates our relationship from everyday relationships that tire out because ppl forget the meaning of life, love, and happiness, either because they get bored of eachother or forget how important they are to eachother. I love my man and admire him in all aspects.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010):

Army relationships work. i reunited with kristen when i was in iraq after not seeing her or talking to her for 5 years. we then starting dating and spent every secon i could skyping with her online. now she is my fiance and i love her more than life itself and i want to be with her for the rest of my life. so army relationships do work. its hard but they do work. and the ruors about military men who like to cheat arent all true. i for one would never do that im not that kind of person. i want to spend my life with one person and and one person only. so its the young immiture military guys that ruin it for the guys that are in the military just to help themselfs out and try and do something good with there life like me.

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A female reader, futurearmywife United States +, writes (16 September 2010):

futurearmywife agony auntI've been dating an army guy for 3months, we are happily engaged now! we've known each other for 5years he joined the army and i didn't hear from him for that long, but we started dating while he was in iraq and it was extremely hard. You just have to stay strong! i live in new york state and he is now stationed in washington state. I miss him dearly and i can only see him when he is on leave. I know how you feel, your lucky to see him every other weekend, I barely get to see him. It's not true all people in the military cheat don't listen to that. And the guys that do give the good guys a bad rep. He is honestly the best guy that I have ever dated.

We see each other all the time though on skype and thank god for skype because without it we both don't know what we would do! we even skyped when he was in iraq. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me! and i love him with every beat of my heart! stay strong and good luck! remember things happen for a reason and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010):

hi

my boyfriend now is in the army and has been there since he was 16 and is now 21 he was in a realationship with a girl that was in the army they had a little girl then she cheated on him at xmas

we started talking on facebook,msn,skype ect ect

we chatted 4 ages hours on end

he came back to the uk on leave 4 3weeks this was the 1st time i saw him since school (5yrs ago)

and it was love at 1st sight it was soooo amazing

it was weird as i always saw him on msn and skype but is better in person lol

but he told me he loved me and whated to make things work between us i was excited when he told me but i also cryed to him saaying dont say it to me coz your going in a few days to canada he didnt care but whated to care for me and make things work

hes trying to move base now from germany to essex so id see him all the time

hes based is germany and just gone out to canada for 4 months this is my 1st long term reationship it is hard as i cant talkto him at all i have sent him letters txts ect ect

he borrows a phone out in canada and we talk for bout 15mins and my heart pounds evey time he talks is the most amazing experince ever !!

his back in 3weeks time and im just counting down the days till hes back

we are sooo happy together

long term realtionships work if u want it to !!!

and i love it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010):

thats the most ridiculas quote ever, " men in the army allways cheat" absolutly untrue, they choose to cheat. weather there in the army or not is not the reason. if anything they are less likly to cheat as when u do your training you are either all male group or female group they dont usually get mixd. at the end of the day, its all about trust, do you belive he would cheat on you?

my boyfriend is about to go into training and i dont even have to question that, i trust him 100%. and know he will not even think about doing that. i know that any chance he gets to contact me he will do it. he wont be chatting up other girls cause i know he loves me. that shudnt be the worry at all, your main concern is getting them home well, they went into the army for a reason that was to fight for thier contry not cheat on thier girlfriends, if that was the case they would have done that before they went.

:) so girls.. dont worry bout that :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010):

I can answer this from two view points. Last summer I met a guy in the army, I was 17 and he was 19. He asked me out a party 3 months before he was going to Iraq and I said yes. 4 days later he told me he loved me. In the following 3 months I tried to hang out with him everyday. I got messages online from his "other girlfriends" telling me he was player and to get out of the relationship. I told him about it and he said they were just jealous of our love. He was going to Iraq and needed somebody to stay with him during that time, and it was me. 3 months after he went to Iraq he went on leave and he didn't call me, message me, contact me at all. So finally I broke up with him after staying with him for 6 months and realized I never trusted him and should have broken up with him way sooner. Now, on the other hand, My current boyfriend I started dating 4 months before he went to army basic training (see a pattern here?) But I've known him for a while and know all his friends and I really trust and love him. We talk about everything and I know that he loves me too. I realize how much I didn't love my ex because I honestly didn't care when he went to Iraq for a year, yet I cry myself to sleep everynight because I miss my boyfriend whos a few states away for 4.5 months. So to answer your question, yes some army relationships work, it just depends on the people. Getting into an army relationship you have to understand are hard, but worth it. And you have to trust your soldier 100% and make sure that he trusts you too or it won't work out. You have to make a commitment to support eachother or else it won't work out, no matter how hard you want it to. So if you have the mind set that it's going to be a hard and tiring relationship dating a man with a very demanding job, you fully trust him and can talk to him about everything, then yeah, you can have a happy and successful relationship :) good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

My boyfriend is going to afghan in 5days for 6months. hes been before for four months, it was so hard being lonley without him..

im 15 years old, hes 18. I have my GCSE's soon and dont know how ill cope, but i will because he means the world to me and i know when hes out there he has something to look forward to coming home too. Yes, things go through my head but you just have to block them outwards.. there no good for you. He hasnt even gone yet and im already breaking down but i dont let him know that, because i know at the end of these 6 months ill be so happy to see him.

Im going to give him one of my tops, with a sent of me on to remember me, a picture and a letter to read when hes feeling down.

I met him in America 2years ago and since i seen him i knew eversince he was the one. I've never believed in love at first sight, but it really is true, i fell in love the minute i saw my boyfriend and we've been on the phone everyday and night since i met him.

I know its hard, but we have to cope.

Goodluck

xxx

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A female reader, S.L. United States +, writes (2 August 2010):

S.L. agony auntI am 41 yrs. young w/2 children. I have recently become a victim of a cheating and lying army xfiance. I have joined this group to figure out if this would be helpful in finding out WHAT WENT WRONG. We were together for 16 mths and when he came back from Afg for a short mission all hell came loose. In the beginning of our relationship he started off with so many lies that were uncovered by relatives that saw right thru him.

Lies were about his rank, yrs served, going to Iraq, getting shot, earning his wings and this list continued. He was obsessive, controlling, manipulative and a liar on top of all that. There were so many red flags but I loved him so much, my white flag never came down and I couldn't say goodbye. Until Dec. 16th 2009 he dropped off the face of the earth. Him in S. Korea where he served a yr and me in Tx there was no possible way of reaching him. No return calls, text, emails including his military one, live msgr web cam, etc. He just killed me really.

After all the parties subsided, he surfaces in mid Jan. 2010. We had a poisonous relationship that we were trying to cure. He was sent to KY in Feb. 2010 and was deployed to Afg. in April. Being together has been an adventure for us. Him coming to meet me in person in Tx summer 2009, then he sent me to Korea to see him in the fall. We were back and forth before he left to Afg in April. A cpl of wks ago he came to see me for his leave time that was supposed to be 15 days and ended up staying 13. We fought 10 out of 13 days about everything under the sun!! He left on his plane and has not called me since. If things were so terrible, why would he INSIST on ck'ing out wedding reception halls, rings, tuxedos, dresses, cakes, etc... He was in it full force. WTH happened?? How can someone do this to another person? I seriously think that he's living a dbl life. He wore a wedding ring that he told me in the beginning was his dead father's, but just 4 days ago he said he bought it. He had a cell phone under an exgirl's name that was caught when he came back from Korea. When he called me it was on the caller ID (dumbass) or maybe that's me. I would of given him the world. I would of waited for him during deployments. He held my life in his hands.

THE HURT OF IT ALL IS having to tell my kids we were not getting married, telling my parents and the humiliation.

Please Beware of the cuban Alonso. Someone may have written or will be writing an article in reference to him.

Sincerely, my broken purpleheart

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

Hi there.

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend has just finished his basic training, and yesterday was the first time I saw him in 5 months. It is hard. But I have found that for us, it made the relationship stronger. Because you have only letters and the occasional call, it forces you to focus on him as a person, and for me it made me love him more.

Being with some that is in the army is always going to be hard. Sometimes he will be away for months at a time or like my dad, would go away not knowing when he was going to come back. But if your boyfriends is someone you want to stay with, hang in there. You will be surprised at how amazing it'll be when you see him again.

Also, I don't think it's true that all army guys cheat. Cheating is something people do regardless of their job. Who you are, and what moral standards you hold for yourself and others will decide whether you would be some one who cheats. If you get that vibe from him, ask him what he would do if you cheated, or if he has ever cheated. It gives a good indication of whether he might do it. It is a serious conversation and make sure you both know that.

I wish the best for you, and hope it works out.

Amy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

hi,

my boyfriend joined the army wen we first got together an that was 2 months ago i havent seen him since then wen he gets a chance he talks o me on facebook we say how much we love eachover all the time wer gonna get married he is cumin home in for months xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

Please read this and let it sink in:

I work in a male dominated profession and most of my best friends are men. As such, they sometimes forget that I am, in fact, a woman and a straight one at that! 80% are ex forces.

I know exactly what squaddies get up to, either with their mates from camp or whilst on tour. Have you ever heard of the phrase, "what goes on tour, stays on tour?" It's very true. I know of one particular squaddie who, whilst his pregnant fiancee was waiting for him in England, he was getting his kicks from Iraqi 'ladies of the night'... He came home and seeing him with his future wife, you would think he is the most loving, devoted fiance in the world.

The ones who worry about you cheating, they are the worst cheats. The are suspicious because they know exactly what they get up to when they're away from you.

Squaddies go for 2 types of girl - the 'safe' one (the one that will wait for them at home whilst they are on tour, who will keep the house, give him children etc... ) and the other is the (I'll be frank here) tart who doesn't ask any questions but wants a good night.

I've been both girls to be honest. It's always ended badly. I've been out with Army, Navy and RAF boys and they are all of the same mentality- either they just want you for sex or they want someone safe to come home to.

Despite the above, I'm still not converted - army boys have an unrivalled sense of humour and personality and I find them irresistible!

Just be careful is all I'm saying: You are going to be putting your life on hold for this man. You are going to be worrying about him every single day. You will wake up missing him, spend your day missing him and go to sleep missing him. He will be doing something heroic and be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice. Can you accept that? On the other hand, he will probably be having the time of his life with his mates, maybe cheating on you, not thinking about you too much, whilst you sit at home and cry. Fact.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010):

well i have been seeing an army man for 5 months and its been on and off as he goes away all the time and breaks up with me. Its very confusing to go out with someone in the army as you never no where you stand with them.

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A female reader, sophieL United Kingdom +, writes (6 May 2010):

hi i no how you feel my boyfriend is nearing his first year of trianing we have been together 4 month but i have known him for 6 years and have been very close. i am very worried about him being sent away i dont want any thing to happen to him and i know i will miss him alot. i think if you really love someone you should stick by them but if you havnt had time to fall for them yet then i would stay away. its to late for me now im madly in love with him and it hurts so much when he is away

i feel really horrable when im saying bye to him cause i cant help but cry and i dont want to make him feel bad or make things any harder for him. i dont worrie about him cheeting on me at all i never would i trust him 100%

all i can say to you is follow your heart and if you think your strong enough then hold onto him and never let go x

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A female reader, care_bear2112 Canada +, writes (15 April 2010):

hello my boyfriend is in the army has been for 4 years but we just started dating 2 months ago and its been hard him being in the army as when we first started dating i wmet him started dating then he was shiped to b.c for training and now he is due to be gone for 2 months man its going to be a long summer lol but long distance realtionships only work if u and ur partner want them to work,

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A female reader, care_bear2112 Canada +, writes (15 April 2010):

hello my boyfriend is in the army has been for 4 years but we just started dating 2 months ago and its been hard him being in the army as when we first started dating i wmet him started dating then he was shiped to b.c for training and now he is due to be gone for 2 months man its going to be a long summer lol but long distance realtionships only work if u and ur partner want them to work,

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A female reader, anonymous84 United Kingdom +, writes (13 April 2010):

I am pretty new to this whole thing too so I understand where you are coming from, I have been best friends with my partner since we were 11. The kind of friends that didnt neccessarily catch up all the time but always knew we could depend on eachother. We tried a relationship last year briefly but the timing was bad as he had just split with his fiancee who incidentally treated him awfully and cheated alot whilst he was away. He then went through a period of rebelling and wanting to live the single life which as a young guy is fair enough.

Anyway fast fowarding to now we have decided to give it another go after he approached me a few months ago saying he needed me in his life and I was the one. Given our past issues it has been hard for me to forget things that may have happened or things that may have been said but ultimately this man is without a doubt my soul mate.

He is based in germany and has just returned back there until August and then early next year he will be going to Afghan. I am trying to bring a sense of normality to it aswell and there are a lot of things I still have to learn but I know that he is worth the heartache and the effort. These men are risking their lives and every one of them is a hero and compared to that our part is easy!!

Having read alot of the posts on here I would like to say you girls are amazing and your guys are very lucky to have you. I am inspired by what most have you have written and definitely take on board the fact that our lives can not be spent pineing we need to be having a full life too one that our men can enjoy hearing about for a taste of normality. I would take this life style and these struggles over a "normal" relationship anyday because my boyfriend is my hero. So in answer to your question every relationship is different whethere you be an army girlfriend or a civilian one its listening to your heart and deciding whether you can see past the label of a soldier and see a future with the guy thats wearing the labelxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010):

I've been reading a lot of these responses. It pains me to hear them. I'm in a relationship that the general public would say is doomed but I still want to be in it. Call it the underdog tale if you will. My bf & I have been together for 6 months. For the last month he has been stationed away preparing to deploy to Iraq. It's been difficult & about to get harder. Our relationship hardships go beyond the military. I'm 10 years older than him & have 3 kids. He cheated on me 3 months ago. I told him I loved him & let him go. I understood that it was his life to live & he made his choices. He told me he was confused & didn't want to hurt me. At least he was honest with me. We said we would stay friends because we valued each others companionship. I made no efforts to pursuade him but it was 3 days later that he came back realizing that what he left was something irreplacable. I feel like my ability to let him be himself, not be overbearing & be real about whatevers going on, brought him back. i have my concerns, everybody does, it's a part of the human complex. But I do know he is a very good soul & I'll stand by his side. Life is too short to waste with resentment. Even if things don't work out in the long run, our friendship has a loyaty of it's own. I will always have a man thats willing to risk life & limb for my families safety. I believe in him, that's what you all should have. Just a little faith. Nothings worse than going to do what you believe is right & coming home to the one's you love being skeptical & mistrusting. How ever much you need them, they need you 10 x's more. it takes a strong woman to do this job, you have to decide if you got it in you to do it right. The military trains them to be cold, to be able to make judgement calls, that someone over emotional might not make,for thier lifesake. What our men in uniform might see or do has never been an easy job. There are things going on in thier heads that you may never understand. What they need is understanding, patience and love. It's a work of heart, without all the dramatics. i didn't cry when he left, i pulled him over to the side away from his sobbing family & told him " i'm not crying because I have all the confidence in the world in you, I know you'll make it back & I'll be waitng for you." We still get to talk everyday & Say we miss & love each other. That will be a thing of the past soon. But he knows he has a strong, independant woman willing to wait for him at home. He knows me, so I know he can go where ever for how ever long & still have faith.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010):

hey my boyfriend is in the army too and the hardest time was going through boot camp...basic training

he too is being shiped off to iraq ..my boyfriend is only 18 i didnt see him for 5 months then 6 now im loosing him for 9 months i dont know how i will get though it but we army girlfriends just have to stick together through it

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A female reader, G-vieve 24 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2010):

Hi ladies. I have sat reading this in tears for most of today, as after 2 years together and over 4 years of being best friends, my boyfriend and I have decided to split, due to him joining sandhurst to become an army officer in May.

He told me his plan two months ago now and the rollercoaster of absolute misery we have been on since has been incredibly hard. we've broken up, then got back together, then gone on a break, then had no contact, then tried it all over again. but at the end of the day I simply had to accept that it couldn't work, not for us, and he agreed.

We have had the most incredible relationship, literally the kind of love people dream about and we know each other better than anyone else in the world, yet this is one of the main reasons why we had to let it go.

I am a very strong and feisty girl, who always said i could never be with an army man, little did i know the love of my life would become one. To me a relationship means spending time together, supporting each other, being there for each other no matter what, making effort to show how much you love each other and communication. All of which get put to the side in an army relationship. i simply know i couldn't survive without seeing him for months and he agreed that he would be constantly worrying about how i was coping, feeling guilty about what he was putting me through and missing me like crazy, so much so he didnt think he could deal with it. there's also the aspect that i'm about to begin 5 long years of studying medicine and am bound to have a number of difficult days, where i see terrible things and feel overloaded, and will want nothing more than to talk to him and see him, but he wont be able to be there for me at all. sometimes you have to be selfish, this is your life too and as much as i love him completely, the choice to join the army is in a lot of ways a selfish one. they put their friends family and wives/gfs through so much, and need them to provide so much support and it is a choice they didnt have to make, they could have chosen another career.

there's also the fact that one day having children and marriage and a stable family home is something incredibly important to me and something i've always wanted, yet he couldn't promise to give me that. he doesnt know when he'll come out, which i understand, but do i risk waiting for him for the next 5 or so years only for him to decide he's staying in for a few more. being an army wife and a mother with a largely absent supporting father is something I 100% couldn't do. if i had stayed with him i would have been pinning all my hopes on him deciding to come out after a few years, but its such a huge uncertainty.

basically, i think the women who are loving supportive army spouses are incredibly brave and strong and selfless. i always thought i was stronger than most but I am a girl who believes in true love making you happy, it shouldn't feel like a struggle and a battle to get through. and us ladies deserve to be loved and supported and made to feel safe and protected and appreciated just as much as our men do. as my friend said to me, 'your life would've become moments of absolute joy and happiness in a big sea of worry, distress, depression and hurt.' i love my man with all of my heart and tried and tried and tried to convince myself i could do it but i had to accept that it would all have been far too much for me. and he it wouldn't have been fair on him for me to attempt to give it a go with so many doubts constantly playing on my mind. he'll always be in my life though, just back to a best friend rather than my one true love. heartbreaking! xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010):

Having a boyfriend in the army is the best thing ever! Yeah, they might be gone for long period at a time, and I do miss my boyfriend soooo much when he is gone, but you have no idea how great it is when they come back! Your relationship will never be boring or become 'comfortable', because we're always so glad to see each other! And yes, he could cheat on you but equally so could you on him, I know my boyfriend is alot more anxious of me getting fed up with waiting on him and finding someone else than I am of him wandering off. Just calm down and enjoy having all the benefits of a boyfriend but lots of free time to be independ, do your own thing without him spying! I know its not for everyone, but me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. It hit me really hard at first when he left because we'd grown up together and I was used to seeing him all the time but I just took things one step at a time, sending lots of lovey text messages, phone calls and emails, and he send me the most romantic letters! Good luck but I'm sure you'll be fine :) x

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A female reader, armywife_gtmo United States +, writes (13 July 2009):

My financee has been stationed at Guantanamo Bay since last Otober we recently ot engaged on his leave and his is back in Gtmo till october where he will be stationed in kansas. army relationships do work, it just takes trust and alot of patience. Believe me it is very hard but well worth it

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A female reader, SarahLouis United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2009):

Take heart!

Although difficult in circumstance; there is a silver lining - like all things it is down to you and the doors you wish to create.

Yes, he's away, but that does not mean things between you has to stop or become less romantic even, instead both must adapt to these tougher times. Often the relationships that last are those very same people that adapt to the very different natures that their partners can become.

Communication is key; send emails - you know your partner best. Does he need matey, funny emails. Or is looking for spicey emails, maybe romance. Whatever, you need to find a balanced way of keeping in contact that does not cause the other to feel stressed further by the situation that your in.

Packages - you are able to send them FREE(obviously there are weight restrictions) so do it. Send him care packages, send him fun pakages.

BUT REMEMBER: your man is doing a job, to send endless emails or packages telling him that you miss him. There is nothing he can do about it and reminding him that he's out there without you will only create a further wall. Also remember that behaviour will change because there out doing the jobs that their doing, with lots of men - so manly hormones are high and deep and emotional thoughts are locked out.

This is a great time to be your mans friend - not just is lover. This will get you through. It is also important not to wait about - otherwise thats further pressure for someone to come back to - make your life exciting for you. And it'll be something he can look forward to joining.

I do understand - but telling you that wont ease your tention. Small proactive steps will.

Goodluck

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A female reader, ArmyBoysGirl United Kingdom +, writes (5 May 2009):

Hello.

My boyfriends just recently joined the army and we are making it work out as best as possible but its not easy

To make it work we stay in contact everyday and we see each other when he comes home every so often.

you might find this hard as i do but u will make it work trust me hun!

When he goes to iraq u can email him,text him etc.. and still keep in contact

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):

hi

i also have a boyfriend in the army i havet seen him for nearly 3 months its hard and stressfull but it can work if you both really want it too it puts a strain on both of you and your relationship but if you can last these months then you can get thow anything and everythink

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A female reader, Azura United Kingdom +, writes (13 April 2009):

I have been dating my boyfriend since June last year and he is in the Army. It was really lovely at first, he lives about 2 hours away so we spent quality time together every weekend. He is a lovely guy, really loving and considerate. However at the beginning of December he was told that he was been deployed to Afgan and it really affected him emotionally.

He became a bit withdrawn and I think he was really scared that I was going to leave him. I must admit, reality really set in when I knew he was going because I had very little knowledge about the army so never envisioned that I would be dating someone in this field. I did consider leaving him but it was too late because I loved him too much to just leave the relationship because of his job.

Anyway, he left in February and at first it was ok because he would ring me every couple of days, but over the last three weeks I have heard nothing which I do find really worrying, but I suppose no news is good news. You have to be really strong to be able to maintain a relationship where your partner is away alot, but it is more challenging when your partner is in the army because you have the added dimension of the danger. Having said that you have to keep positive and not focus on the negative side too much.

Personally I am not worried about cheating because a person can cheat no matter what job they are in. You have to be able to trust your partner and the moment you start doubting them, perhaps it is time you should consider whether you should be in the relationship.

It is really unhealthy and draining to be with someone if you have a constant worry that they are cheating and it undoubtedly puts strain on the relationship. So unless you have good reason to suspect them or you have evidence I would put that to the back of your mind. What keeps you going is the love you have for each other and if you agree to be in a relationship with someone in the army you have to remember that it is hard for them out there so they really need your support, understanding and patience.

I am very independant but I still get lonely without him and I do really miss him. In between the tears, the upset and the angry emotion, I try to keep myself really busy. I would never show him that vulnerable side when he is away because that would be really selfish. When he calls I always reassure him and tell him that I am ok, I have my friends and family to pick me up when I am down. Remember they have to concentrate on their job and focus on the safety of themselves and others around them.

The last thing they need is their partner crying down the phone. I would suggest that you fill your time by getting involved in activities, visiting friends and family, or starting a new hobby. It is not ideal but it does help if you have a full and active life which you can fall upon when they are away.

Your relationship is still very young so you still have to get to know each other. I don't think it is healty at this stage to start worrying. I still consider my relationship to be very young and from my experience, when they go it is almost as if your relationship is put on hold.

Yes, he will call you but it is not the same as when you are together. You do not have the opportunity to explore each others likes and dislikes in the same way. You have to be realistic, he will see a lot of unpleasant and disturbing things on his deployment and you will have to give him time to adjust on his return. It may take a little while to get your relationship back on track.

If you want this relationship to work you have to take each day at a time and try to spend quality time together before he goes away. The mistake I made was worrying about every eventuality before he left which made us lose focus on the here and now - I know it's hard but try not to go down this road if you can help it.

Good luck and I wish you all the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009):

Hi,

I have been seeing my BF now for 8 months. At first he was really distant telling me it wasn't a good idea to get close as he has just got back from iraq. On new years eve we announced we loved each other, we live within 20 minutes of each other and we have been lucky over the past 6 months because he has been injured and available to see me every night, we have practically lived together the last 6 months.

In 5 weeks time he goes back on duty and is posed 3 hours away which means i will only see him weekends. I will find this very hard. I have recently found out i am pregnant and although we are over the moon, i cant help but worry that I wont get the same support as I would from a civilian. I am aware of my BF's past and that he has slept with many women he reassures me all the time that he would never cheat but i cant help but worry.

I think i am going to find this relationship very hard work if he does not support me the way i want.

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A female reader, blax United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2009):

To be honest you have to work hard, Im not goin to paint a big nice rosy picture for you because id be lying.. If you love eachother you can make it work. My boyfriend has cheated on me twice, and their just the times i know about, however we have worked on this and we will be getting engaged on his next leave. Hes actully giving up his career in the army for me (which i never asked him to do btw lol) We are apart atm for the majority of the year, i see him every 2 months and now hes in afghan 7 months. But If he is mature enough loves you and you can cope with being lonley it can work. Its not always happy times, and atm im living off the sayin no news is good news for when i dont get a phone call, but it is so worth it when he gets home. To be honest if you both want it to work it will. And for sum1 who said about their OH's behaviour before a tour, i know adsactly what you are onabout, mine was awfull, but theirs no easy way to help them stop stressing, time will come, its just the unkown, it will get better betwean you both when he's their, ull appreciate every single second of contact, both of you will =] xox

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A female reader, BellaMoon United States +, writes (4 March 2009):

I question the same thing as you sometimes. I know my bf has ptsd because it comes out when he's sleeping. I have bipolar. Somehow things are working out between us. But lately with us knowing that he leaves in a couple of months to the war... its been changing things in our 10month relationship. I'm starting to question if he's cheating just like his friends. But I have no reason to think that because his phone still has our pictures. My picture is still up in his room. I think honestly, the war puts stress on everyone. But I do have a question of my own. How do I get him to be less stressed out and for us to enjoy our time together still?

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A female reader, unique-angel United Kingdom +, writes (2 February 2009):

i get what u mean. i;ve just re started talking to this man. we are close and there are so many feelings. but after one month he's just left for germany. i've told him i'd wait for him, he never brought it up but he's worth the wait.

but ever since he's gone it's not even been a week yet, im scared icnase i see him on the news and some thing awful happens. but i won't let that show to him

emailed him once asking how life is, said i missed him but rest was all cool. i have to be his back bone because he's there for me. and worth all the bloody hassle he's puttin me through lol.

if e's good stick with him:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

Trust me six months isn't that long. Army relationships can work and not all of them cheat. You will have signs to look for but if he truly loves you he will not. One thing you have to understand is that him being in the military he will be gone a lot and you will have to be able to handle the nights alone, the holidays.. I'll be honest. My husband is in the Army and he went to Iraq and had an emotional affair..but I think it was more and we are going to divorce when he returns in 2 weeks. I have met a lot of military gfs who end up breaking up because they can't handle their soldier being away. You have to trust him if you love him and you have to understand that he has to be gone a lot more then most jobs require.

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A female reader, lady jane United Kingdom +, writes (28 December 2008):

my boyfrined has recently finshed things with me. he's decided he wants to join the army and says it wouldnt work if he goes. i disagreed with this told him i loved him and said we could make it work or at least try but he didnt want to. he swears that the army is the only reason for the break up. but he hasnt been for his physical yet and wont be for a while. does he have alterior motives? or is he scared of something? he says he still loves me and i want him back but he is stubborn. what should i do? at the moment im trying to give him space but its hard

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A female reader, gembo United Kingdom +, writes (10 October 2008):

Well in my honest opinion some do some don't but if he has told you he loves you already after two months then i wouldn't be too sure about it .I'm actually with a army lad and we have been great since he went in he has nearly done 6 weeks now his first term of training for the kings.we have been together now for nearly 6 months don't get me wrong it's bloody hard if you let it bother you but if you have something to focus on then it's easier to handle in my opinion. but if you really like him i would suggest that you sat down and talk to him when he his next home and ask to tell you the truth and make sure he looks you straight in the eye first too before believing it and there is stories also saying that some army guys do cheat and all this bother but to be honest i don't really believe it myself you just got to find the right one for you who will treat you right and have respect for you too.But if anything army guys have alot to go through these days and my heart goes out all of them over here and at war and to those who have lost their lives defending their country god rest their souls.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008):

I believe that i can relate to you guys. I have recently started dating a very close friend of mine that is in the army. We have been friends for over 10 years. As we got older we went are seperate ways. He was deployed for Iraq and was gone for over a year. when he came home we meet back up and decided to give us a try. I know he is having issues due to Iraq. Who would'nt. These soldiers are going threw so much. My heart goes out to everyone of them, as well as their family and friends. My friend is having problems settleing down. He is not finished partying yet. I on the other hand is very ready to make a commitement. I know he cares about me. He is home almost every weekend on a pass and he has been spending most of his time with me. I think i just wont him to claim me. It really hurts me to be called his friend when i know there is something more. I believe this is a good time for all of us to have patience. If we really care about these guys then we should give them time. I have to keep telling myself the same thing. I think that it is the hardest thing to do considering their perfection. Sometimes i feel like i should hold on because you never really know when it can be taken from you.

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A female reader, GL11 United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2008):

GL11 agony aunthiya, im 17 yrs old, and believe me i no how you feel, i miss mi boyfriend so much and i just want our future naw, i do belive that relationships work in the army, and that you can find the romantic side of it, bt don't resent him 4 bein in there, you need to think positive and yea there will be good times and bad, bt if you love each other you will get through it and come out stronger and you'll both know what you want

i hope my advice helped :)

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A female reader, lovemeloz151 United Kingdom +, writes (10 June 2008):

My Boyfriend of 6 months is in the army. And to be honest is it hard. However Amry relasionships do work but take more time.

Just think he's thinking of you to come home to, you the reason he wants to come back and you can be there for him. I know your lonely, im lonely too so meny people are in the same situation and it works. If you truely love him then he'll be worth the wait and worry.

feel free to contact me for a chat =]

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008):

Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months....At 9 months when he found out he was being deployed, he cheated on me with a girl that he knew for a long time. Now he's in afghanistan and found out that he called her. Even though they weren't together physically do i count that as something serious and break up with him? or do i go about my business and keep things good between him? He did come out with the truth the other day....but I dont know what to do....someone help!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

I know how you feel. My boyfriend goes off to Iraq next month, and he'll be gone for 15 months. There's always that fear of the other one cheating, but if your relationship is strong, you both can handle anything, and if you both love each other, then there shouldn't be any second guessing. Trust is what a relationship sits on, and I'm not worried, because I know he wouldn't do that. You just have to have faith--believing without seeing. If you trust him, and love him, and he trusts and loves you, then you'll both be ok.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

I have just very recently split up with my army boyfriend after I found out he cheated on me, we were together for three years and I thought we were very strong and meant to be together. For most of our relationship it was fantastic and him been in the army was never a huge problem as we trusted each other one hundred percent so been apart for huge amounts of time was ok, however he came back from Iraq a couple of months ago and since then everything between us seemed to break down. He struggled to cope with adjusting and although I can never forgive himfor cheating I know he's got alot of issues from his time in iraq that he hasnt addressed and I feel that this played a huge part in our relationship breakdown which consequently lead him to cheat. Been with someone who is in the army is alot harder than a civvy relationship but as long as you are prepared to work at it and if you trust your guy you have no reason to be worried about him cheating, even though its happened to me I know that it doesnt happen with every army relationship and there are loads of decent honest men out there who will treat their girlfriends right x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008):

That's kinda crazy but i recently started dating a kid who joined the army more than a year ago. and i've been best friends with him since i was 15 and we got really close when he came back to visit right before he had to go to korea. we didn't date but i know he was with other people and he swore he wasn't. i ended up doing something stupid just from fear of not knowing what was going on. and we stopped talking for half a year and then when he came back again we reconnected and started dating but now he's in colorado. it's really hard because he parties a lot but i know deep down that he's sincere i just don't know if i can trust him just because what happened a year ago. it's been 2 months and already my wondering is causing us to fight and i'm thinking about ending it becaus ei don't feel like he truly wants to be together although he's told me he loves me and that he wants to marry me. i feel like he's not sure anymore. i really don't know what to do. he goes to iraq in august . there's just so much to everything it's stressing me out. itd be nice to get a perspective on it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008):

i felt exactly like u. my bf goes away for 6 months in april and im dreading it. i no its guna be hard for me and him. but we both love each other and you cant help who u fall for...can u!? as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder....xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

I've been married for four years to my soldier and I've never had to worry about that. If you're second guessing anything - as far as marriage in general goes, with or without the military - you should maybe wait a little longer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

Army relationships work they are just harder than most and it takes a special person to be able to deal with dating someone in the Army. I have a boyfriend in the Army and he has been in Iraq for almost 8 months now and hopefully comes home in Aug. It is hard but I love him and it is worth the wait for me. We have something to look forward to and unlike other couples who are able to see each other all the time, when we see each other we really appreciate it for everything its worth. It is very hard, I'm not going to lie, but if you truly love him, you can make it work, and the cheating thing is not true. Well it is for some of the soliders, but the respectable ones are not like that at all. Stick with it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008):

I know just how you feel. my bf is in the army to and right now he is away at boot camp. it is so hard but if you can get through this you can do anything as a couple. When he comes back we get married so good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008):

Well i have been with my husband for 7 years now and we have a wee girl. I have never met such a loving amazing person. Yes they do go away allot and it hurts you.

But they have to deal with leaving you and their child and working really hard and being told what to do 24\7. We have been blissfully happy and to be honest where i live in Germany it is mainly the army wives that cheat. And when i met my husband i had never met such a gentleman opening doors and just fun loving and we had the best time in London carefree. But its hard when you move abroad and they are away allot because you miss your life and you can find yourself getting very lonely and depressed so you just have to pick yourself up and always have something planned something to look forward to.

They actually need you allot more than you need them. Its deff not easy but i have had the best time of my life and met some amazing people. Not all soldiers are cheats i know lots and lots and i have only ever known one married man to do it. Just always be there with the phone sex and the dirty texts letters and e-mails and i am always waiting at home when he gets back from somewhere with sexy underwear and a whole night of passion ahead.

Trust me you get the best sex ever because you miss them so much. For me it justs gets better and better and it keeps the relationship alive you just have to go with it and stop worrying. If he is for you then you would know. and as for splitting up when he goes away thats just ludicrous its when he needs you to be there for him the most not stuck in the desert panicking about who you are sleeping with, i think hes going through enough. My husband phones me constantly and we are very much in love so go for it girl if you find a squaddie that truly loves you its the best love in the world so just embrace it xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008):

i've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and i hate him being in the army. he comes home every weekend at the mo but off to germany next month and i will only see him 2x a month. he told me he loved me after a month and he wants to get engaged and have baby's now, we are both only 20. i think men who r in the army are scared of diyin alone un married and childless, so i do think they are for real but i also know they are messed up in the head (they have to be to be in the army and want to kill ppl)and they dont know what real love is, just sex mainly, but i do love my other er half and im willing to sit bk and ride the army out with him. i suggest u do the same and if it dont work oh well it's there loss, we are the strong ones going out with ppl who could die and we are they ones who sit at home wainting.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008):

My boyfriend is in the army too, we've been dating for nearly 2 years and i still get scared when i think about him cheating or anything. mine leaves for iraq for 2 6 month periods but comes home in between for a week or two. I never got to see mine during basic or A.I.T or anything. It's hard but it will get better and easier..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

hey!

my boyfriend is in the army we have been together 8 months, we met when he was doin basic training and officialy started dating when he started his officer training so knew what i was getting myself into..it is hard because it ment he didnt call as much especially if out on exercise for a week and if he did it would be for 20 mins an he would be tired and grumpy and it is very hard to stay positive sometimes, but you do to keep them going! I believe army relationships can work if you really love the person... its hard work and emotionaly exhausting sometimes! i recently had a "break" from my boyfriend because it all got too much for me.. but only for 3 weeks because i realised how much i loved him and would rather see him occationaly than never at all! it helps to talk to people in the same boat so you dont feel your going through it alone! and as for amy guys cheating... to be honest they dont have the time or are too tired to cheat! when they arn't working they tend to be visiting girlfriends and family!! good luck hun! xxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

hey!

my boyfriend is in the army we have been together 8 months, we met when he was doin basic training and officialy started dating when he started his officer training so knew what i was getting myself into..it is hard because it ment he didnt call as much especially if out on exercise for a week and if he did it would be for 20 mins an he would be tired and grumpy and it is very hard to stay positive sometimes, but you do to keep them going! I believe army relationships can work if you really love the person... its hard work and emotionaly exhausting sometimes! i recently had a "break" from my boyfriend because it all got too much for me.. but only for 3 weeks because i realised how much i loved him and would rather see him occationaly than never at all! it helps to talk to people in the same boat so you dont feel your going through it alone! and as for amy guys cheating... to be honest they dont have the time or are too tired to cheat! when they arn't working they tend to be visiting girlfriends and family!! good luck hun! xxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

I also have a boyfriend who is in the army. I know it is very difficult and im not going to lie to you its hard as hell. If you are going to stay with him you need to prepare yourself to get hurt. He wont have time for you, he wont be able to call or write and you are going to miss him. It is all dependent upon you. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year. We have been off and on and even during one of our "break" periods i was with somone else. I told him and it hurt him alot. It can work if you want it to. Just keep in mind two things...

1. He is not your husband- if your not ready to do this then fine. you dont owe him your life

2. every second of the day he is thinking about you, you give him strength to go on

3. I am 100% sure that he loves u if he says he does

good luck i hope i helped

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

Hey there. The response from the female squaddie was valid - they don't cheat when they're away in Iraq etc. it's when they're home that you have to worry. I am a model, a lovely person and I truly value everyone in my life. I met my soldier nearly 2 years before we got together (and we didn't start at that point for this reason!) and six months down the line he did the slinking around behind my back thing. He blamed being scared of losing me and me not being here when he got back and I just thought well NOW you have reason to worry! The best of it was it was all exes who were fellow squaddie brats (which of course, led to I can't not speak to her, her dad's in my platoon) etc. etc. being in the Army means someone either couldn't find another job, or they enjoy the glory that accompanies the act of killing, neither of which are good qualities in a person. Bad people cheat, ad I am afraid most Army boys just seem to be bad people.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007):

I am a female and i am in the Forces....

we do not have the time to 'cheat'or get 'up to no good' when we are posted in such places such as Iraq or afghanistan.

We sleep in large shelters/tents with maybe 80 or more other people! there would be no where to have a emotional or physical experience with anyone because you have more than 80 eyes and ears all around you! everyone knows everyones business, who's married, dating or single. You cannot hide the fact that you are being unfaithful with another forces colleague because there's no where to do it- that breaks military rules put in place that we have to adhere to; not to date other colleagues or people higher up the rank scale.

yes it happens, but it's frowned upon and the repercussions can be very detrimental to our careers. Infact, just before i joined up, i got invovled with someone who i love very much- and i was actually worried about him going off and straying! i always feel guilty now that i felt like that and doubted him- he was going through such a traumatic time with cancer too.

And how ironic! most people that i work with are so paranoid that other half back home is doing the dirty!!! a partner being at home gives them a HUGE opportunity to go off with someone they met in a club, gym, wherever, there's also the avantage of having someone in your bed without your serving partner ever finding out, so it would be a lot easier and convienient for the party left at home to be unfaithful.

Believe me when i say there are no clubs, pubs, restuarants for romantic dinners or florists in the middle of the desert!

the most romantic thing we have is the thought of coming home!

we do a hard, difficult, demanding role that is mentally physically and emotionally draining...the best thing you could do for your partners is to trust them implicitly and i wholly admire any person who has the strength to get involved in a relationship with a service person.

My partners a firefighter in the civvy world and i, a firefighter in the military- so my strength lies in believeing we're going to be alright because if he says he loves me, thats its because he does, he wouldn't say it otherwise; even though he has a pick all of those women swooning over his uniform!!!

He believes and thinks the the same in me.

do you have any idea how much stick firefighters get for supposedly being notoriusly unfaithful?

The public services opens our eyes to the bigger picture, we see awful things and have to live them, whether for an hour, or a 6 month tour of Iraqistan. We value life more than others and it's many wonderful things because we see so often what can be lost, an awful lot more so than most of those who are living in a 'bubble of ignorance'- if we are lucky enough to have someone who wants to be involved in our lives- we do infact, know which side our bread is buttered on!

If you really feel love in your relationship work on the trust and understanding,

be strong, your relationship with this guy gives him the strength to get through the awful situations we live and work in prely for the fact because he's happy in the knowledge he's loved by you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

OK, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We were together for a year beofre he joined though I had known he was joining from the moment we met (he had moved to Britain specifically to join the Britsh Army). I love him very much but I must say, if I knew then what I know now I would never have started the relationship. Unfortunately by the time I realised what I was getting myself into it was too late, we had been together a year and I was head over heels. Having a relationship with a soldier is very difficult. Beyond the cheating issue (I trust my partner and doubt that he would do it but the point is, any man with any occupation might cheat), the army OWNS him. He will never be truly yours while he is serving. Moreover, they own you too. Your holidays will be planned around the army, they will decide whether you have your partner with you, they will decide where you will live. I am an intelligent self-sufficient woman and on numerous occasions the army has reduced me to a neurotic, quivering mess with their manipulation and utter disregard for my partners life outside of the army (and me in turn). I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. The only thing that keeps me going is that as soon as my partners service is up (2 years down, 2 to go) he will be leaving the army, a decision he made of his own accord and is very happy about. Like I said, had I have been able to see the future when we met, I wouldn't have begun what has been a tumultuous and difficult relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

wow im surprised at the amount of replies on this. Theres this guy i like and we are about to get together as we both like eachother alot. However he told me yesterday he's joining the army and has to go to some interview in a few weeks. Im not too happy about it, but theres nothing i can do.

i think if you both really like eachother it can work. There will be more strain on ur relationship that the average person but it may help you to grow stronger. Of course you'll miss him ur just gonna have to try keep yourself busy i guess

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

hi

yer they do work i am only 17 and i have been with much bf for 4 mouths and i really really miss him when he go's but i no he thinks in the same way as i do. and he dose block me out when he is there as that is want they are trained to do so don't worry about if he said he loves you the he means it. but army guys like to get married young as i am now and i am really happy. but the thing is do you trusted if you do then you will be fine.

gd luck

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007):

Hi, i also have a bf in the army, he is based in germany at the moment and like you we only see eachother every other weekend. We also have only been together a few months, but we both feel the same way about eachother and with that in mind i do think that the relationship does work. We talk everyday on the phone and on the net, we know we can truat eachother. They have the same problem we do with trust.they think the same, "will she being doing anything at home while i'm here".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007):

All I can say is however hard it is while he's away, there are no words to describe how amazing it is when he walks through that door again. It makes up for everything, it's the best thing in the world. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and although when he's away every day is hard and long, when he's home none of it matters any more. Good luck let us know how it goes! xx

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A female reader, 60's VINTAGE GAL United States +, writes (1 September 2007):

60's VINTAGE GAL agony auntive recently become an Army girlfriend and let me tell you it isnt easy...

ive been thru lots in my life and this has got to be one of the most challenging...

hes been deployed since june and its been tough on me. I just pray to god to keep him safe and i leave him in his hands. Ive been doing a lot of mental, emotional, and physical prepartion when he does come home..Im trying to be that solid rock for him. there are some days its really hard ya know, and i just try to keep myself busy at work and talking to my clients really help me...I love him with all my heart so im not going anywhere...:)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007):

My boyfriend is in the Army, he is carrer military.

We've been together for 3 years and the majority of it

he's been deployed. Yes it's difficult a times, but it can work and it will work if you stay strong and remain patient.

There are many different support groups online, cinchouse

is a great online community that will help you to learn there you'll also be able to met others who are dealing with the same things. Also a good book to read is Married To The Military... It's the survival guide for military spouses, girlfriends and families.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007):

so...heres the deal. my financee is overseas right now. and let me tell ya...im pretty much engaged to not only john, but the entier united states army. when you date someone in the military, whether or not you like it, the military becomes a huge part of your life as well. what i have found, is when in a serious relationship with someone in the military you need to have a TON of independence. you need to be able to stand on your own two feet, and you need to understand that youre not going to know everything. youre not going to understand everything. but all you can do is trust that you will in good time. when its time for you to understand, he will tell you. i dont get a lot of information, but i know he loves me, and i know i love him. what more do you need? while hes deployed you will cry...alot. and you will miss him...even more than you cry. yes there is sometimes doubt, because long periods of no information, or phone calls, or even letters will really start to mess with your head. but. know that he is thinking about you, and if he had it his way.....hed be right beside you in a heartbeat.

also, one last thing. deployments will change people. men go over there and they do alot of stuff they dont want to do, and deal with a lot of heavy emotional stuff. you have to be prepared for days when he calls, and he just wants to hear you say "i love you" and then go to bed. you have to hear him cry on the phone, want to come home, be angry at the world....its not all bad, but there are some pretty horrid days.

stay strong, stay busy, and youll be fine. :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

Hi

I like the rest of you have a fella in the Army and he is away on 'operations' a lot this year so far i have seen him six days in total and not all at the one time. It is very very hard and very lonely. We keep in touch via email, web cam, letters and text and that keeps us both very close. i love him very much and always have a smile and a good story for him but i will not pretend for one minute i trust him one hundered percent or dont sit stressing out about stuff and not share with him cause after all his day has got to have been worse than mine!Thats what i find the hardest (makes me sound selfish)but i am not.

I have good friends and family and like another girl commented dont stop living your life. But you have to be prepared for long spells with no communication and not really understanding their life. I would only say like any relationship army or not it will work if thats what you both really want and you both commit to each another.

Good Luck x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

Ive been waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the army for almost 4 years. Hes in Iraq now and let me tell u no part of what u are about to go through is easy. Decide now if u think u can wait or not. Dont wait til he;s over there it will just be that much worse for him. It can be done you can make it but be prepared to write allot of letters and send allot of care packages and be really lonely and depressed. Just be sure to get out allot. Keep busy do your own thing. Dont stop living life jus cuz hes not there to live it with you. Thats probably the biggest leason Ive learned so far.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007):

to reply to the woman that said she was a squaddie and not to trust the men out there..thats stupid..just because you have expreineced it and u no someone who does things like that doesnt mean that all the lads are the same..of course some of the squaddie lads cheat..its full of horny men who think down below but at the same time there are lots who dont and if your boyfriend loves you and you give him everything he needs then he wont go looking else where will he.Dont forget there are lots of army wifes and girlfriends who cheat too its not just the men. i have been with my boyfriend who is in the army for a few years and i know for a fact he hasnt or he wouldnt cheat on me because i give him everything he needs and we love eachother to bits, i say to all the people who worry about it its tough but dont think about it all the time just deal with it when the times comes or it will wreck your realtionship anyway!! good luck xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007):

hi..i have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years and he is in the army..he is deployed in iraq at the moment..it is a very hard time so prepare yourself for it, you have to be strong for them no matter how hard it is, i love my boyfriend and worry everyday and every night.. make sure you send him lots of things to keep him happy and smiling over there..it may seem like a long time to be away from them being with an army lad can be very hard at times but if u really love him then im sure u will be ok. all the best!! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007):

i am dating a guy in the army and i have been dating him for a littl eover a month...he is getting deployed for iraq in August and i am very scared as much as most ladies would be.......he has also told me that he loves me and he is very happy with me....i can trust that but sometimes i think it over......i am trying to be as strong as i can with him and it is very hard to stay that strong but for 3 years i will learn how to be strong enough for him........this may be the hardest thing for females to do who are dating or married to someone committed to the army but in the end they are the best to fall in love with

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A female reader, Newtzy United Kingdom +, writes (28 April 2007):

Newtzy agony auntIve just got engaged to someone whos in the army, He went to Iraq and it was very hard, Army relationships can work but you have to be very strong, very very strong, something i am finding i may be not.

What they say about army boys cheating applys to some, but not to all,you know your boyfriend and if he says he loves you i would trust that, and trust he will be faithful to you

Good luck

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007):

people can cheat when they arnt in the army too, its up to him. if hes going to cheat on you he would do it in a normal realtionship also, but always remember that you are not waiting for him to come back, you are in a relationship, im saying that if you are sitting around waiting for him to come back, not living your life then you are going to be unhappy then the relationship is doomed because you will associate him with not doing the things that you would have been doing had he been here. also, youve been dating for two months and its really really easy to make any relationship last two months, so dont assume your going to marry him just because you feel you have to make the choice right now because hes leaving.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007):

i used to be a squaddie. and men are horrid cheats in the army. ive had married men try it on with me in canada. they regularly visit brothels in germany/canada etc. they think different post code then its ok. i know one married female squaddie who had an afair with a married man in iraq. another got pregnant to one out there, but soon found out he was a cheat (about 5 times so far). and she is still with him!!!!! prob cos they have a child. dont trust him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007):

hey,

I cancompletely relate to you. I have been with my bf for 6 months now, and everyone's going to chew ths apart but I know hes the one. We have even talked about marriage and kids and set a date. He's leaving me july 2 to attend West Point. WHere i can only talk to him via letters for seven weeks. It's hard I know, but army boys are special in their own way. if you truely love him you will trust him and stand by his side. What he needs right now ur love form afar and support! It's hard turst me have four years of missing him and 8 years of worring about them taking him away to war, it;s long road but it's usually worth it.

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A female reader, kj0483 Canada +, writes (9 February 2007):

i believe they do. my uncle met his wife in the army, and she is now out of it, but he still is in. they have been together for about 20 years and he is always being deployed to different countries for peace keeping. always stay positive and keep in contact as much as possible. it will be hard but distance makes the heart grow fonder.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007):

Hi, i am dating a lad at Tidworth. I have been with him for nearly four months, he is of to iraq soon. He's not had many relationships and tells me he's really into me, im great, best thing ever blar blar. I dont think he would cheat on me but who knows what they get up to when their there and your not. At the end of the day i put it out of my thought, its bloody hard, and i hate the thought but what you dont know cant hurt. If he tells you he loves you believe it - they lead a totally different life to us but at the end of the day....if he's not into why would he come back at all. Think about it, its got to be so hard for them. Im sure his feelings for you are genuine, if they wen and e just wanted sex then he could get that anywhere. Its tough. im sat here in tears writing this as my bloke has told me he cant make it back after all and wants me to go there but im not going to as much as i want too. im still praying he'll turn up at my door (even tho i know theres no chance) Stic with it girl and when he goes to Iraq make sure you write to him lots, that will mean sooo much to him. Life out there.......a letter a week, every two even a month will keep him going and show your keen! 6 months will be long for us, but out there doing what there doing it will be a lifetime! xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007):

sorry to be insenstive, but from experience most squaddies cheat, whether nice or not. Its "normal" to them, there may be some good ones, but they are hard to find, they are good at lying.

Hopefully u have met a good one, but wouldnt hold your breath.

good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006):

Hi,

My boyfriend is in the army too, we've been together 1'5years, he's away now for 1'5years but we love each other and we are making it work. So the only thing I can say that it does not matter if it's army or regular relationships it's still hard work. So if you feel he is good guy go for it!

Best wishes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006):

Hey..im 16 and me & boyfriend have been together for a year, 2weeks ago he left for army training, hes 16 too. Im going to see him in 2 weeks, and hes coming home for a weekend in 4, i miss him so much but i love him, so i can stay strong & wait for him, if your boyfriend means anything to you, you should wait & see what happends when he returns..good luck x

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A male reader, IndnOtlaw +, writes (29 August 2006):

Like your boyfriend I am also in the Army. The biggest thing to remember is that the Army is but a small sampling of the general population it is sworn to protect. We have the same liars, stealers and yes even killers. But also like the general population we are not all good or all bad. So yes a relationship in the military can work, just like it does in the civilian world. But it can mean a little extra work especially in this day and age with so many deployments. I would say that you need to take some more time and see what happens. Don't rush into anything simply because he is going to Iraq. If you really like him, wait for him and stay in contact. When he comes back see what the next step is.

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A female reader, dustybutt +, writes (29 August 2006):

oh sweetie, sorry to hear about your situation. only two months huh. well, i'm a military spouse. he's been in for 12 years and we've been married for 10. even a strong relationship struggles under such circumstances. hmmm, all i can say is if you love him stick it out. is he worth the wait? have to tell you, men in his situation have many temptations...even when deployed. if he's willing to make it work and you love him, make it work! phone calls and e-mails!!! they still love getting hand written letters with perfume on them! if you sent him off thinking you two are meant to be and a few months down the road you don't want that life style... make sure he's strong enough to handle the news, long distance style. you may be the only thing keeping him grounded. other wise good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006):

You have been with him for 2 months; I thought this might be a joke.....are you for real? I am in the army myself, he is using you luv.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2006):

My bf is getting ready to join the army. He had three places to pick, CO. Springs-about three hrs from me, Hawaii and North Carolina. He goes to basic training in GA-what if he gets put in Hawaii and I never see him, plus he might go to Iraq. He says he wants it to work out and come back ad marry me. What if he meets someone better? That is my fear. Do you honestly think it could work?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006):

i am in exactly the same position as u although i c my bf every wkend as he is based quite near 2 where i live 'he also told me that he loves me after about a month we have bin 2gether 4 four mnths,i love him n miss him lots he has 2 go away in feb for 6 mnths!! awww!!!but i still have my doubts about him playin away! all i can say 2 u really is 2 enjoy the time and the love u share with him,its better 2 have loved and lost than never have loved at all! (thats wat i keep tellin myself anyway!}

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006):

Hi, yeah it is really hard dating an army guy. My bf is in the army, we have been together 7months. I donno if he has cheated on me, but I dont think he has. I would find out if he does... Just let him know u r there and contact him so that u r always on his mind, but dont seem too needy...

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A male reader, Uncle Steve +, writes (25 February 2006):

My stepdaughter has an army man who has just left for afg.

It is difficult for any of us to understand the fears in a soldiers mind before he has to face the risks he is about to take.Support him keep in touch as much as you can.And when he comes back you should be the only thing on his mind.

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A female reader, Kitty_Kat_Angel +, writes (24 February 2006):

I was seeing a guy in the army in January and he told me he was going to Iraq for four months in feb. Because of that he told me we should become an item only when he's here and when he's gone we should split up. He said this is the best solution for relationships with army guys but i can uderstand how difficult it must be if u get really close to sum1. Him being away for six month, maybe u should be on a break during that time and plan to become an item again when he returns. If this is too difficult, i can say my friend has been with an army guy for nearly two years now and they are in love. It works for them, you've just got to work hard at the relationship.

I think its a myth that army guys cheat. Its wrong to assume just cos theyre in the army they are all the same. Plus when he's in Iraq for 6 months there'll only be about two girls in the whole battalion! Good luck xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2006):

Hey I know how you feel in the sense of never seeing him, I am a soldiers girlfriend but I am also a soldier. To a certain extent the rumours are true that soldiers do cheat purely because they go away on courses or exercises or on operations to other parts of the country or anywhere around the world and so therefore in theory it is more likely they can cheat and their wife/girlfriend are less likely to find out, basically they have more opportunity.

However I met my boyfriend while I was in the process of joining the army, I was in Northern Ireland and he was in Germany but we spoke on the phone and I went to him and he came to me as often as possible and seven years later we are still together, so it does work. They do tend to lean on you more when they are away but believe me that is important particularly when your boyfriend goes to Iraq you will be on his mind and you will give him something to come home for. This increases the intensity and when he comes home he may not be as intense because he doesnt feel the need, he may be more intense when he is away because he is trying to assure you that he cares because believe it or not he is worried that while he is in a war zone you are off with someone else.

I work with these guys everyday there are some of them who are liars and deceivers but the majority are not but then when I was a teacher I worked with who I thought was a real family man who walked out on his wife and four children after 20 years for another woman so its not just soldiers. I joined the army when I was 23 my boyfriend joined when he was 16 he was a nice guy when he joined and he is a nice guy now.

I think its hard when you have just met someone and you are trying to build a relationship with someone from two dfferent places but I am proof I have been working in Northern Ireland for the last 7 years and my boyfriend who is now my fiance has been here there and everywhere he is in Iraq now for the second time but I am getting out of the army now in July and we are getting married and I will go from soldier to army wife probably back to teaching but sometimes I think it was actually more difficult for him than me because his friends all married girls who dropped their lives and became army wives within a couple of years of knowing them where I refused to give up my job until I was ready so in a sense hes been waiting for me for 7 years so I am proof that it can work.

There are some good men out there and some bad and to the same extent there are good soldiers and not so good soldiers I would say give it a chance dont go any faster than you are prepared to if he says he loves you and you dont love him yet dont say it but I can testify that the greatest love and respect for each other and the best relationships can be built from one country to another through distance, give him a chance you have heard stories about squaddies but you havent heard anything about him give the guy a chance and above all be there to support him 6 months is a long scary time particularly for an inexperienced soldier he needs you. GOOD LUCK!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006):

hi,

my guy was in the army when we got together but it was worse cos we only saw each other every 7 weeks, he also was very quick to tell me he loves me asked me to marry him , put me on a pedestal etc... but when he came home , and he got back to normal i soon found that i was last on his priorities, everything he said was a lie and i felt i was used as a comfort blanket while he was away, im not saying this is whats happening to you, im just saying you dont see him much , he is and therefore you are in a surreal situation and you havent known him long, of course army relationships do work and many men just long to be back with thier families but it is also very true about army men who cheat, i think iraq is a terrible place for your boyfriend to be , god bless him, but as far as you relationship goes then crete is the most renowned for bad boy army behaviour.

my man went to the army a sweet , caring guy , the man he came back was a distant , violent , detacthed human being, they are taught to be this way , and my fella was abused till he cracked, (i almost rang the headquaters to make complaints on occasions , if it wasnt for him begging me not to for the humiliation)

its a difficult place to be and requires alot of support and understanding AND trust most of all, if you have doubts then i would reconsider

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006):

You've making it hard for yourself by thinking up all these scenerios. ANYTHING is possible, but is it likely he would do any of those things? It doesn't matter what type of relationship it is. To make it work, you and him have to try to make it work. Other people's rumors are other' people's rumors - nothing to do with you.

Keep the lines of communication open between you two. If you feel insecure, try to put yourself in his shoes - how do you think he may feel too? As long as you two remain upfront and communicative, things can only improve. At the very least, insecurities may be calmed.

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