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My Bf calls me insulting nasty names. I want to leave him. What can I do to ensure my future is happier?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 September 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, *oyalbutaccused writes:

My fiancé accuses me of cheating every single day.

He heard me get raped. Ever since then he has accused me of cheating.

He constantly calls me a "c**t, a stupid worthless piece of s**t" and all these other fowl things. He expects me to tell him a name of a guy that i would cheat on him with or f**k.

The problem is, THERE IS NO OTHER GUY!!!!.

What do i do? I want to leave him, and i want to be happy.

He does make me happy, what do i do to make sure i don't end up back with him if he leaves me.

He tells me to take a polygraph test but i did when i had to make a statement about what happened to me.HELP!!!

View related questions: want to be happy

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 September 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntHe is a dirtbag for calling you names. noonedoes that to their gf or bf. I'd suggest you leave the sob and find someone that knows how to respect you, Otherwise it will only get worse. Sounds like he grew up in a poor excuse for a homelife. Young boys that are allowed to have low respwct for women have generally seen or heard that mysogenistic crap from their father. A good upbringing includes a srious dose of being taughrespect forwomen in general. Myad was from Texas and theone thing e would not tolerate is me 'forgeting' to use "yes mam" or "no mam" to momor any other woman. It would generally result in a belt whoopin' if I failed to remember.It was good teaching. Your guy was probably allowed to say, 'yeah' and 'nope' to women. And, his dad probably thought poorly of women in general.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

YouWish agony auntYou don't need a guy to have a happy future. This guy is horrific, and you are NOT happy with him. Drop him. What does it matter if he accuses you of cheating? Kick him to the curb, and his accusations are worthless. You know that you don't cheat, and if he treats you this way, then he is not worthy of being allowed to touch you.

END it. If you are afraid of him, call the police and end it with him in public with a friend or a parent. Talk to your parents about this, because he is ABUSING you emotionally and verbally.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

What can you expect when you're really both too young to get engaged in the first place?

He's irrational and insensitive; because he's the wrong guy. I know females who would cut your testicles off for calling them the "c-word!!!" That's the worst name you could call anyone! That word is used to express total disdain and disgust for a female. It is also a demeaning and emasculating term used toward a man. Implying he is effeminate and weak.

Your youth and lack of experience is proof you're not ready for marriage. You don't know now to handle a situation when you're being verbally abused and pressured by a guy. You say something as silly as "He does make me happy;" when he accuses you of cheating and calling you horrible names.

Just dump him. He's not making you happy. If you were happy, you wouldn't have written a post to ask what to do.

If you were old enough to get married, you'd have the experience and wisdom to know that you don't allow the man you want to marry, to treat you like he does.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 September 2014):

Honeypie agony auntJust end it. It's really that simple.

Now how do you ensure that the next guy will treat you better? But NOT allowing a BF to call you names or treat yu with disrespect.

You say he heard you get raped? I don't quite understand. He heard that YOU had been raped or he heard someone rape you?

If it is the first, my guess is he is of the opinion that "girl ASK for it" - that the girl/woman is to be blamed for rape. In that case he is NOT a keeper. He is a piece of crap human being.

If you were raped, I suggest you DEAL with that though a counselor. There are many free rape hotlines and websites, so PLEASE reach out and find a counselor and GET help for it. I say thin because it's NOT uncommon for girl who have been raped and/or abused to date/be with abusive men. ONLY you can stop that cycle and to do that, you need to deal with the rape.

Having been raped doesn't mean others can treat you like dirt. NO ONE.

YOU do NOT owe him a polygraph test. You in fact don't owe his SHIT.

DUMP him and move on. Focus on yourself and getting the support you need to deal with the rape.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

YOU BREAK UP

And if you're on the fence, does he make you worried about your safety or sad or mad more than he makes you happy?

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A female reader, Behavioural Analysis United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2014):

Behavioural Analysis agony auntDon't get engaged so young - you're still essentially children and can't deal with this sort of thing alone.

Hun, you deserve SO much better! Have you had therapy for moving on from your rape? What did you mean when you said he "heard" your rape? He was there or you told him about it?

He's an insensitive, ignorant little boy and you need to give back the ring (if there is one) with a friend or family member present because you need to be safe about it, move back with family (if you aren't living with them already) and find as much support from family and friends as possible.

Don't worry about your distant future just yet; you need to focus on positively progressing through this bit.

Also, I don't think getting in another relationship within the next six months (or so) will help. Your health (mentally, emotionally, physically) is WAY more important.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

dougbcoll agony aunt your boy friend is holding you hostage sort of speaking. he is using to his advantage control over you, calling you names ect...

that can not make you feel loved, respected, and valued in his eyes. he is putting you down, using this to control you, to make you feel worthless. that is not love.

you got raped, he is holding that over you, he does not trust you or he is just saying that to talk down on you. if it is this bad now, there is a good chance it will get worse later in your relationship with him.

my thoughts are to leave him. find a nice guy, that loves you, that does not treat you like worthless trash. you deserve better than this guy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

He's a nasty piece of work. Why on earth are you with him?

Leave him NOW!!!

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