A
male
age
51-59,
*arlos13
writes:I am gay and have a bisexual best friend. He is purely a friend and we have a platonic relationship. My best friend has just got a new boyfriend. I am 40 my best friend is 31 and his new boyfriend 20. His boyfriend is very possessive and does not like him spending any time with me. If he does spend time with me his boyfriend is always calling or sometimes makes up situations(I have been in a arugument with my mum etc) to get my friend to leave and go and see him. I also happen to be much better off than my friend so often we go to nice places I would go to normally and I pay(as a friend I see this as normal). His boyfriend thinks I am trying to buy his love and has told him I am like his sugar daddy and that he is taking advantage. I understand that his b/f is young and therefore not fully matured. I have nothing in common with his b/f and I don't like seeing my friend being manipulated or lying to him about seeing me and I don't really think I can really ever socialise with his b/f. I am not sure what too do. My best friend has told me his b/f is immature and too clingy and as even threatened to leave him if he contines to spend any time with me(but then changes his mind after 5 mins). My best fried also told me if dont think we can all get on and if he has to choose then hes choosing me anyday. Next week me and my best friend are supposed to be going away on a tennis course(booked before he knew his b/f) but I am unsure if we should(his b/f has already tried to talk him out of it). I am not too sure waht to do. I know that since not all 3 of us will get on it will come to a head and his b/f will make him choose. Should I tel m best friend we should no longer be friends? I would hate to lose him but also hate seeing him being put hrough this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 There is really nothing you can do about this. If your best friend's boyfriend is issuing an ultimatum, the decision falls to your best friend to decide what to do.
What you should NOT do is end the friendship. Don't tell your best friend that you should no longer be friends. *HE* has to choose. You simply should only be his friend, even if that act of friendship you must do is to see him go.
I also advise patience. If his boyfriend is as clingy as possessive and jealous as you're saying, then this relationship isn't going to last very long.
No, the best thing you can do is to tell him that you are always his friend, and that while you'll be heartbroken if he decides to cut off a friendship to appease his boyfriend, that you will always be there for him, no matter what.
That is a true friend.
The confrontation that will come to a head will not involve you, but will be between him and his boyfriend. You do not have to get along with the boyfriend, because your friendship is completely separate from their relationship.
Your best friend has to stand up to his boyfriend, plain and simple. He alone has the power to stop the "being put through" stuff. Good luck, and I hope he does stop it.
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