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My best friend hates my boyfriend, I don't want to break up with him for her.

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, *eimante.xx6789 writes:

I have a boyfriend that I love very much, however my best friend hates him and she thinks he's taking me away from her. However I hang round with my best friend a lot more than I do with my boyfriend and she gets very jealous when I'm with him . She says that I act differently around him ,but that's just because I have a different kind of relationship to him than I have to her. She's told me that I act different but dosnt tell me how so I don't know how to act normal for her . I want to make everyone happy but I don't know how to I don't want to lose either of these people in my life . I'm considering to break up with my boyfriend for my best friend but I just get sad when I think about breaking up with him .What do I do ?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntAt your age it is very normal for best friends to get jealous because you have a boyfriend. She may feel lonely and is scared off losing you. In fairness you are quite young to be dating. But off course if you want to be with your boyfriend that is your choice. You don't need to end your friendship or relationship.

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A female reader, Campari Milano United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2017):

Your friend misses you. If she is your best friend, and she really doesn't like your boyfriend, is it just because she misses you, or she's lonely, or jealous?

If you explain to your friend how much this is troubling you, and she still won't get on board, maybe she isn't the friend you thought she was. Tell her that friends want each other to be happy; they support each other.

However, boyfriends will come and go and the chances are, you will need your friend in your life more than you need him. But you don't want this situation reoccurring everytime you get a boyfriend!

Find out if it's him she really hates, or just that you aren't all hers!

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2017):

Denizen agony auntWhat you decide now is entirely up to you. As you grow older people tend to put more into their romantic relationships than their platonic ones.

To begin with this often means moving away from close friends a little. However as your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend becomes stronger then old friendships can be renewed.

Your friend doesn't want to lose you at the moment, but if your positions were reversed what would she do?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYour relationship likely won't last very long, I'm afraid to say, but that's normal for your age. So is your friend's jealousy.

I think what you need to figure out is who you want in your life more.

Him?

Her?

If you choose him and break up soon, do you still have friends?

If you choose her and break up with him, you'll have to be firm that you may get another boyfriend someday and you won't avoid it just for her.

In future, you have to make time for each person alone (but in public with a boy).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017):

This is a tricky situation to be in but it is common for people your age.

One thing I will say is boyfriends at this age will come and go, so it is very important to always keep up you friendships because your friends should be the ones who are always there for you and some may even stay your friend as you become an adult too.

It sounds like your friend is mostly jealous that she doesn't have her friend all to herself anymore. Maybe she wishes she had a boyfriend as well. It sounds like before you had a boyfriend you just had each other? Was it just the 2 of you before you got a boyfriend? It isn't heathly for your friend to only have you and no one else, as a teenager it's good to have a few different friends as you then have different opportunities to socialise and when one friend does have a bf/gf or just wants to do something different you have other options too.

If I were you, I would meet up with the friend and just say that as you best friend you thought she would be happy for you, and that you thought she would support you and be there for you. Say to her if she had a bf you'd be really excited for her and would want her to be happy. It might help to explain that you still want to be her best friend and that the things she has said about you being different have made you feel confused (it isn't exactly kind for a friend to make you feel awkward and not explain anything to you). As you get older you will have bf's and of course you just want to do things with them without your friends tagging along too, I would just say to her if she had a boyfriend you would understand if she wanted time with just him because that's normal. Maybe the two of you can make plans to do stuff together outside of school that might help her make new friends so she isn't relying on you all the time.

It's not like your bf is taking you away from your friend, you said you spend more time with her anyway. Sometimes when friends don't like a boyfriend it can be worth listening, especially if they point out certain things he does or perhaps a way he acts that isn't respectful or they know he's got a dodgy past or something! But your friend just sounds left out, and sacrificing your own happiness in this case doesn't sound fair.

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