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My best friend confessed his feelings, but I'm married.

Tagged as: Friends, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been married for four months and I just found out the my best friend who is a guy have strong feelings for me. I once felt the same way the problem is once he told me that all my feelings started to come back. I feel lost cuz I love my husband very much. What should I do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009):

I am sure you care about your friend, you say he is your best friend, but really once you are married you are really going to hurt your marriage by keeping the status quo with this male friend.

I think he doesn't really love you, but is in fact feeling sorry for himself and probably lonely, especially around the Holidays if he is single, it is a tough time what with all the commercials on TV and fa la la going on. I think you should graciously tell him that you love him too, but as a good friend and that you have made your choice now and he needs to respect that.

Tell him that you have to concentrate on making your husband your best friend now and will not be able to be there for him all of the time, and that you hope he will put some effort into his own love life and find that special someone out there for him.

I think you may be feeling a fair amount of guilt because your friend wants you, but what he has done by telling you now is really selfish and I think born out of fear not love. Just reassure him that you aren't going to dump him completely, but you need to respect your marriage vows. Tell him you would love to hear about his new girlfriends.

That's all I got. But don't dump the husband if you have to and your friend won't accept these boundaries, sadly you will have to "break up" with him at least until he can move on with his feelings.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (8 December 2009):

Aunty BimBim agony aunthe is not much of a friend in my book, a real friend would have declared his feelings before you made your wedding vows.

Dump the so called friend and keep the husband, he at least is honest with you!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (8 December 2009):

Stick with the marriage. Your friend has in fact been very selfish to bring this up now. You're a newly-wed, you love your husband, that's it. Stick with your husband and don't cheat, or you will end up very hurt

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009):

very simple solution. if you want this "friend" then don't waste your hb's time by playing them both. your hb will get over it after all its beenonly 4 months and you are ready to do the dirty with someone else. speaks volumes of the so called love for your hb. cut the drama and release your hb.

if it is def the hb you want then the so called friend needs to go. you cannot have both in your life. if you do you will end up regretting it.

you need to choose. NOW.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (8 December 2009):

Seriously, stick with your husband. You two are newlyweds and you love him, right? Listen, I'm sure this best friend of yours had years to tell you that he has feelings for you, yet he waits until you're married?! What kind of person does that? Probably someone that now realizes that they want what they can't have. So even if you did mess around with him or leave your poor husband for him, he'd probably lose interest because he would now have what he couldn't have and be over it.

I think you need to either tell your friend that you're married now to someone you love and it's too late. Or you really should end this "friendship" as it will probably only continue to be temptation. It's too little, too late for him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009):

you're a married woman hun stick to your vows or get a divorce but jst dont hurt the poor guy by cheating on him

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