A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I know I'm going to get judged by alot of people for this but i need to clear my head and i thought this might help me. Basically, I've been happy with my bf for three and a halfs yrs, then last yr we went through a rough patch (we hardly saw each other cuz of work and other commitments). During this period, I had a drunken snog with one of our work collegues (me and my bf wk together)which we kept quiet. Then I went out with my uni friends and ended up kissing this guy from uni (and ended up staying in his bed- just kissing!). Now things have gotten out of hand... I started seeing this guy from uni and we've gotten pretty serious (even tho i gota bf, i know). Then this week i found out that he had drunkenly kissed one of our other uni mates (before we started this affair, of sorts). Now, I don't know if it was just as a revenge thing, but i ended up sleeping with the work collegue of my actual bf. Things are soooo messed up, i now have three guys texting me saying that they love me. I know I'm a twat and part of me is thinking of telling them all to leave me alone whilst i sort my head (i don't know what i was thinking). It gets worse cuz the work collegue-guy told me afterwards that he was a virgin, which, to me, is a big deal. I feel like i can't break away from the guy at uni (cuz all my uni mates will judge me), i can't break away from my bf (cuz our lives are so inter-twined-work and family)and i couldn't get with the work collegue cuz we work with my current bf. Its such a mess, its gotten that bad that i've just been thinking of taking the easiest routes out and not een considering my feelings. Hope someone can help ease my head, i know my behaviour hasn't been acceptable so please just try to help.
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affair, drunk, kissing, period, revenge, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your comments. I know u all think I'm young and naive but i have been commited relationships since i left school. I'm a mature woman in a long-term relationship. I know it might be hard for some of you to comprehend, but my relationship with my bf is at such a level that he has (genuinely) discussed marriage, kids, our future. I just can't find it in myself to break his heart, he loves me so deeply and passionately. If I'm honest, that is prob why i cheated. I don't have commitment issues but i'm too young to be settling down and part of me yearns for the single uni-life that all my friends are leading. Thank you for all you help again, it really helps to put things in perspective when other people hold judgement. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): It sounds like you are not ready to settle down with one person and prefer to 'play the field'. If that's the case, why have a regular boyfriend? You can't want him that much if you need all these others.
Maybe it would be a good idea to back off from all of them, including your boyfriend, and have a long think about what you really want, before anyone gets hurt, if they haven't already.
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A
male
reader, binhquangdao  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 we all make mistakes and you just have to learn from them the other two guys you feel is probably lust not love and your boyfriend if it's love and work it out with him but one thing is one thing tell him be honest and start from a CLEAN slate. GIve him his chance to start over and yours too whatever you do after this do not bring up the past and for that guy that lost his virginity one it's a big deal but he decided to lose it with you. So he should man up and not put the shame on you. It takes two to have sex and if he gonna have sex with you while you have a BF he then needs to take the consequences.
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A
female
reader, vsnod + ♥, writes (18 April 2008):
 I do not think you are a bad person, people make mistakes and the fact that you have regret shows you learned from it. You have been dating the same guy since you were, what? 15, 18? Maybe you need to branch out and see what else is out there? You are young, and maybe the reason you have stayed is because the relationship is not right for you? Just a thought.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): I agree.
Your BF deserves the whole story even though he'll probably dump you for it. (He's got every right to.)
Don't worry so much about any damage being done to the other two guys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou don't realise how much i appreciate your time. I just need some one who can tell it to me like it is, without all the rubbish that keeps circling around in my head right now. I know there's no clear-cut answer, i just want some feedback, to see my situation from different perspectives. Thank you x
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A
male
reader, john101 +, writes (18 April 2008):
 you should just chose the person you love and thats it
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  + ♥, writes (18 April 2008):
 Hi,
well you are certainly learning some hard lessons in life here.
I certainly won't judge you. At your age I believe it is natural to experiment and I always feel you are better doing what you are doing than getting pregnant and settling down.
But this doesnt solve your problem, unfortunately for you, there is no solution. You have gotten past this point. But to make things a little bit easier, the only person who is really being hurt here is your boyfriend. And if you are able to do one good thing in your life now that would be to let your boyfriend go. If he is being faithful to you the least he deserves is for you to be faithful in return.
At your stage of life you are unable to do this, so do the right thing.
As for the other guys, play the field by all means, but don't get into these silly situations where you feel you are in love with them, I think you are confusing lust with love here.
Good luck.
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