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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm a 26 year old guy coming to terms with my homosexuality. I had created an online journal where I expressed my personal, intimate thoughts about such matters as homosexuality. So, someone managed to find out who I was by finding my conventional blog. Which is fine I guess since they didn't know me all that well and had no reason to cause me problems. Then they recognised me in the street one day and posted an annonymous comment to the effect that they knew where I worked. I jokeingly called them my stalker but I was a little worried. After talking to him online. He turned out to be a harmless 18 year old (straight) young man who was interested in me because we are very similar. So, I suggest we meet for coffee to clear the air. Turns out he's quite cute. He seemed to want to chat online a lot and I teased him a about being attracted to me. Perhaps I tried my hand at a little harmless flirting too. I had admitted to being attracted to him but that he was way too young. Now, when I say "too young" I mean age-wise, not in terms of maturity. There are 30 year olds I wouldn't touch with a barge pole due to their lack of maturity. I have just set this limit of 5 years in my head since going out with anyone more than 5 years younger than me kind of makes me feel like a dirty old pervert. Well, I suppose you can guess where this is leading. Seems my young "stalker" is bi-curious and attracted to me! Frustrating! We’ve tentatively started dating but we’ve managed (with some great effort) to avoid sex so far. Should I pursue this or leave him be? We're both definitely very fond of each other. I know it's a cliché but I love him for his mind, not his body. He's very intelligent and we often think so alike as to make conversation redundant. Sometimes, however, I look at him and I feel guilty because of his age. If I was straight I would ask the parents for their consent but it's not that simple when you're gay...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): I must say, this situation is pretty perilous. It may not seem like it from your perspective, but the real problem with these large age-gap relationships is one of power and authority. You can't divorce this boy from his age, since he is still growing up (you are, too, by the way). The two of you occupy different phases of the lifespan, and this will be a definite barrier. The responsible thing to do is be his friend and maybe mentor as the 2 of you reflect on your respective sexualities. When you are both on more even footing (both young adults) it would be a healthier time to pursue something. That guilt that you feel is a personal warning system - don't ignore it. He is too young and impressionable to go into a relationship with both eyes open. That hesitance you feel is the fact that you may take advantage of him or hurt him when he is fully not equipped to defend himself or heal.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Because the idea of going to a gay bar looking to "pick up" guys makes me want to retch (I'm not the sort), because I am just so elated to have found someone with whom I have such a strong resonance, because he came onto me, and he genuinely likes me. Because we have this crazy mutual infatuation, because I desire so much to share my life with someone, I would wait till he's older, but I am afraid he will not wait for me.
Every day I thank God for sending him my way. And every day I curse God for making him 3 years too young.
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A
female
reader, michelina1963 +, writes (18 January 2006):
I think you need to ask yourself this is he really 18 ! And why an 18 year old why not someone older if you are questioning yourself !
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A
female
reader, Keleez +, writes (18 January 2006):
In the first place let me just say that age doesnt matter if you really want to be with someone, im 35 & gay & my partner is almost 19 now & we have been together for a year, it took alot of soul searching on my part before i entered into anything, but once i stopped looking at her as a much younger person & just looked at her as a person i realised i did want to be with her. Unfortunately in this day & age we are forced to look at people for their age first because society demands it. If you think back to when you were 18 am sure that there were men/women alot older than you that you were attracted to. Loving someone for who they are first is a really great start. Follow your heart & not your head. If you both feel the same about each other take things slowly & see what happens get to know each other till your both ready to move to the next level theres no law that says as soon as you meet you have to jump into bed together. But tread carefully as he is only bi-curious, dont invest to much in him till your sure as you dont want to get hurt. Good luck.
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