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I do all the work in my relationship with moody girlfriend

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2004) 61 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2011)
A , anonymous writes:

its seems in my relationship i do all the work! my girlfriend has become very moody lately, she will constanly get in a mood over nothing and some very trivial stuff. so i will try my best to please her and sort things out. Its seems one sided to me because as soon as i get in a mood about something, or react to something the same way she would, she doesnt seem to try and please me and try and stop me from being in a mood she'll just go off on one and walk away and say fine be like that. But later she will appologise for being moody and funny with and admits she was'nt being fair. problem is i can only take so many sorrys, this relationship is stressing me out and taking its toll on my work please help! thanks p

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A male reader, Lolla Land United States +, writes (19 August 2011):

Hello Everyone i am also in this same pickle. but the way i look at it is, if we really love these girls... should it really matter?

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A male reader, diamondClan United States +, writes (31 March 2011):

Guys, I found myself in this predicament a couple of times with past girlfriends. And I must tell you guys, the one thing I see over and over again on these post is guys like me.

Guys who are nice, we try hard, we notice when she is moody, we ask whats wrong, how can we fix it. And if we complaint for just a second they are so quick to point to the door and say "there is the door, leave if you dont like it" HONESTLY if it were that simple we would have done it a while ago. And we cant because we love them, so damn much and we still wanna work things out. because we love the good times, unfortunetly the good times are few.

I say do what i did. Whenever she is moody, give her her space, I know Ikonw is not easy and most of the time we want to fix the problem so we can be happy w them like we used to be. but no matter how we try they just dont see it like that so stop trying the more u try the more she is gonna push you away.

I believe the reason is because she is comfortable in the relationship. she knows you wont leave her. which is why she makes hurtful comments. She feels like she has a good hold of you. So what do we do?

whenever she is moody, do the same thing she does, act like its nothing and "do your thing" dont let her mood ruin your day guys. Its hard to explain but involve yourself in your life, I read this in a book " Make her an aspect of your life NOT the center of it" what im trying to say is make her miss you, and she acts like that punish her by not giving her attention or being wondrful like you normaly are. BUT dont make it ovious, she will notice, BUT ofcourse she wont admit to it, trust me give it some time and just like any old habit, it may be a lil hard to die, but it will die.

Gentelman, good luck, if you have any questions email me [email address blocked]

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A male reader, boo HOO United Kingdom +, writes (3 October 2010):

Dont worry..

My Girlffriend seemed lovely when i met her all quiet and polite but...

Then she started hitting me and taking drugs that made her crazy so just be grateful shes not beating you daily.

From a bruised and battered man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010):

I recommend you watch the movie "Fireproof". It might be the very thing you need to help your relationship. There may be something more going on with the moodiness besides illness and hormones.

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A female reader, karri culpepper United States +, writes (11 September 2010):

karri culpepper agony auntWell i can't really say anything because im just like the girls that you men are talking about the only thing i was wanting to know is i have 4 boys 15,10,6&5 i clean the house work(im a PAINTER)MAKE SURE ALL THE LAUNDRY IS DONE AND TRY TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN BUT:Why is it that i have to clean the yard, mow it and take out the trash take the boys to school and everything yes i relize that my husband has had total knee replacement and his blood pressure is high i do understand that but why is it up to me to do everything? I get the boys up and ready for school i do their homework brush their teeth and all of the above REMIND YOU THAT WE ARE 35 AND 36 YR OLD AND I DO MORE THAN HE DOES AND MORE THAN MOST MEN PERIOD BECAUSE HE DON'T WORK he stays at home and does really nothing he does the scrap metal thing but my lord what can possiably be so hard about that he wont even get the kids off the bus for me he has his mom get them sometimes all im trying to say is IS IT ME OR IS HIM? I didn't get like this until here recently because i can't get him to do any thing around here our yard looked like sanford and son's and i let it go for for a couple of months but it has been like like that for the past 8 mths. i finally had to pay someone to help me clean it up because all he does is sleep all the time so i went to the dr and the dr said that i was depressed and put me on cymbalta and xanax all of that shit but he fails to tell every body tht he goes off at any givin moment then turn around and be the happiest person you could ever see but he also says that he is perfect and tells me that i am crazy and then his parents try to tell me that i need to go to mental health.(THATS CRAZY HUH?)There has been some other issues that i wont discuss on here but any way please type me a response and let me know please.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

she's probably suffering from pms and you don't even recognize it. She can't help it. She needs to take birth control all the time (meaning she can't take the 5 days of sugar pills - her doctor will fill her in) Some women suffer from PMDD. It's normal but very frustrating for her and for you - but not her fault.

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A female reader, Anonymous SA South Africa +, writes (25 December 2009):

I have read all these guys concerns about their moody girlfriend and it brought tears to my eyes, because it felt like it was my very own fiance who wrote this about me. I am not going to make any excuses for us moody women. Honestly, I have no idea why we are like that. Personally, I have been hurt vey badly and have been disappointed many times, but still it is no excuse for my behaviour. Insecurity for me plays a huge role and if you men do not make the effort to make us feel secure, we become resentful and angry. We can try to better ourselves, especially because we love you and want to make you happy, but during that process we need your help and support. Please try to help before you judge...

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A male reader, Garvanko Kenya +, writes (21 July 2009):

What Cullie said. Word for word the same is happening to me this very week.

Just haven't got a clue what to do now.

But she's taken time off, so I'm gonna let her be and when she comes back, I'm never going to let her take me for granted again. I love her, but sometimes enough is enough.

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A male reader, Cullie Colombia +, writes (7 July 2009):

I'm in the same fix with my gf and I love her very much and want to make it work. I'm 30 and she's 23, and I know I have to "be" the bigger person here since I'm older, but it's really driving me nuts as I have always been considered and polite with people. I really respect other people's peace of mind and treasure mine like gold but she seems to toy with mine. She stirs things up with no consideration just because she feels like it.

In her case she's had a tough childhood with divorced parents, an anorexic mother (my gf also having recovered from anorexia herself), so I know that is evidence of emotional problems in itself. I knew what I was in for from the start and didn't care and wanted to be there. I respect her for having overcome all those problems and being now a girl about to graduate from the university and very smart and talented. So I don't want to play the victim here and I won't.

But now we've been together for 6 months and ever since the third month she started to be moody with me. She can be so sweet and in a second explode. We can have a perfect day and all of a sudden she'll transform, like someone possessed. And then in 5 minutes she'll be perfectly allright but I'll be all upset. She says I need to be more practical and recover more quickly and learn to understand her. I feel a bit used (like a punching bag) and that she may feel a bit powerful by altering the situations at her will and manipulating my mood. I don't know but I tell her she can't be like that in life (ie. with her boss) and that I should also be the last person to be like that with, since she says she loves me so much (she says she really does and that she's really grateful with everything I put up with because she wants to be a better person).

But I don't know, I've learnt to restrain myself a lot (I also have a very strong personality) and I don't know if she's making a good enough of an effort (like I have) or if it simply takes a long time, but I can take so many sorry's and even though I love her to death I don't know if she needs to be alone for a while to sort out her stuff. I had been alone for a long time these past years to sort my issues and I managed to do it. I don't know if me being there taking so much and being so understanding is spoiling her even more and if that will eventually blow up in my face. I feel I'm being the crutch she will always rely on and I don't want to be it, I just want to help her out. Maybe she hasn't started that process I had and she needs to do it while on my watch, but I'm getting tired of playing the counselor because boys, we also have our issues and daily problems to be getting an extra load from someone that dumps all their shit on you.

I thought it was really interesting what you wrote about women's moodyness being just frustration for not having enough attention, but don't you also think that could also be being spoiled and having low self steem? I've been really special with her, have really nice gestures, get her little and nice presents and go out of my way to romance her, but she's starting to take that for granted and is becoming more and more demanding. Again, for that I'm starting to feel used. She's milking me.

I try to be reasonable and understand but I think girls tend to conveniently leave it all to just "being a woman", but I think that's a mediocre way to let hormones and other issues rule the dinamics of a relationship, and their couple's feelings.

Am I wrong? do girls do it because they want to feel powerful? because they are spoiled? have low self steem? Whenever I mention the things I do and have done for her (which I hate but sometimes I have to to defend myself) she admits that I have done a big deal. So whenever I put rationale into it, she admits I'm right, but for the most part emotions run her so there isn't any logic there and she spoils PERFECT moods just because she feels she has to say what's on her mind. Women trust too much their perceptions and they rush to interpret them the way they please. If your girl is insecure one day, you will be the one paying for anything you say or don't say. Sometimes women have no discipline with their brains...

I'm really trying hard and want to use up all the possible resources I can find to make it work, so that when and if I leave, I will have no doubt and a free conscience that I did my best. Because I know myself, when the link breaks, it will break for good and there will be no turning back.

I have been really happy with her and I think it's worth working hard at it. Bottom line I think is to realise how worth is it? do the good times match the bad ones? are the losses greater than the wins?

It's quite a fix boys... I guess it's the price you have to pay.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009):

I have the same problem to be honest. It's as if she goes out of her way to be moody and angry. She has admitted to me that she enjoys arguing to keep "Fire" in the relationship, but there is only so much i can take. She gets jealous if i go out with my friends and won't speak to me for hours over it. Don't get me wrong, i love her to bits but she is such a pain in the arse! She is without doubt the moodiest person i have ever met, and i thought my ex was bad! The thing that annoys me the most is that there are so many things she does that should annoy me but don't simply because i'm not so highly strung. For example, yesterday i was sitting on the sofa, and she turned to me and said "Don't sit like that its annoying me" I looked at her in disbelief and she went off on one. Unbelievable!!!!

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A male reader, James131- United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2009):

Mine is exactly the same, im feeling trapped since i cant break up with her since i love her that much :( i used talk during kissing and shes gone and made a big deal of it i really dont know where ive gone wrong since she never seriously asked me stop i think girls are generally much moodier than boys and that we need to just get used to them since we arnt like that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009):

Women like this are selfish. I know hormones play a role but they need to treat their men with love and respect. It's no excuse to treat people poorly. She wouldn't treat her boss this way on her period. She would make a conscious effort to be kind. You need to move on, and that will be hard for you because you are the one that always gives and tries to work things out. Just do it. As life gets more complicated you're girlfriend or wife will just find more reasons to be unsatisfied. Even if you are one of the good guys that is wise with money, does household chores without being asked and genuinely cares about pleasing her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009):

I know how everyone feels I do the same but feel I'm being used. I now hate myself wish I was dead out the way and to add to this we now have a new baby and I'm doing everything in my power to keep myself up but I'm starting to feel so low becuse she will not go and get help just has a right go at me. I feel like walking away and never going back but I can't do this as i love her. I wish we had a way out. I feel used and hurt. We never go out as she never wants to. She ignores me all day and night and will not say why. Men have to put up with many things never mind the woman.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009):

i live in yorkshire.ive been with my g/f 3yrs now.and we are and have been happy together.we had a baby lastyear and things was looking so good for us.but ever since ive been with my girlfriend i do everything for her she asks me ill do it.

but now and then she would say she feels down and i say whats wrong but she says i dont know.now yes she has had the baby but im doing most the feeding so she gets loads of rest.but she was happy as anything one min.then the next morning woke up saying she felt down.next thing i know a full day till the next morning she was having ago at everyone.i was trying to carlm her down and she was having none of it.

ive just come from a bad family and relasonship where i was hurt bad.and feel traped becuse ive asked her to see a doc and get help and she wont.so not do i put up with this i also have to try some how 2stay strong for baby.but i now feel traped becuse i have a child with her and no longer feel she loves me.if she did she would go and get help.

im going crazy becuse i dont know what 2do.everytime she has a fall out she ignores me till the next day and i run round trying 2sort it out but she wont.i just feel sick and run down and still doing things for her.i dont know what 2do she will no way get help.

i dont know if im doing to much sometimes i feel like walking away and never going back but cant do it as i lover her.

so i know how u feel about the mood and not sorting it part as i get all this.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (23 July 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntYea someone found a 3 yr 8 month old chesnut!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

I thought I was the only one who had this problem, because I talk to my friends and they say this kind of thing doesn't happen to them. She gets so moody that she wont even kiss me good night, and then a few days later its as if nothing happened.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008):

i admire you for being too understanding to your girlfriend....actually i have a same situation with your girlfriend i can't control myself being moody...me too i can't understand why...

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A male reader, Dr.T Egypt +, writes (12 July 2008):

i am passing through the same exp. and i cant deny that somedays i hate my life coz of my moody g.f although i love her soooooooooo much and cant stay away from her one moment.

as a man, when my friend get angry and speaking in a way that hurt i feel that she hurt my degnity and its soo bad to feel so but once i remember the great love bonding us everything heals like if it didnt happen at all.

to solve the issue from the begining, partners have to talk about thier problems spontaneously without building any walls of anger that might stop them from doing that. Although it is absolutely normal that the person cant talk about his/her problem in a recent time from the occurence of the problem.

we have to make out partner to talk not by forcing him/her or shouting and not by pressure, but by the smooth gentle talking and by separating the partner from the event that is pressing the button of anger inside his/her brain.

otherwise, we are the MEN... it means that we have to stuggle and stand whatever comes in our life more than women, so if its so, how should we deal when women put us in a position of explosion?? should we explode?? absolutely no. should we hide our feelings ?? absolutly no we have to respect the partner and act like MEN.

struggle soliders

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

I am having this kind of trouble with a girl I have been seeing for about 5 months. I am 30 years old and been around a bit. I consider myself strong of mind and knowing what I want but when it comes to women, I tend to give in to things more than I would normally because otherwise I feel or get made to feel like an asshole/bully/loser/boring.

As we work in the same building I get to see her regularly. She started out appreciating the little things I did for her like leaving sweets at her desk or walking her home but lately I have noticed that she is taking all those things for granted and actually demands them now. If for any given reason I cannot sync my lunchbreak with hers she gives me the cold treatment and sometimes wants to cuss about it. I am a very simple guy and I like her a lot because she is on my level in so many ways but I am totally fed up of this rollercoaster mood thing.

Yesterday night at the bus stop I gave her a fiver to get on the bus as she had no money on her. I told her that I needed to get the change back as I need to use the bus in the morning - she then shouted "whatever I dont want your change". I just think that she should've been grateful that I could help her and it made me angry instantly.

Today at work I have avoided her completely and not bothered to call her or text. She used to regularly top-up her mobile but lately she just leaves me to contact her. I know I should probably end this but I really would rather fix this effectively as I couldnt bare to see her flirting around with other people in the building.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008):

The same exact thing happens to me, honestly I was about to post this question myself. My girlfriend is most likely even more super moodier than yours, and I probably do even more work to keep this "loving" relationship in check. All she does is sleep and is the laziest person ive ever known. Will she ever stop? I think not. The only advice i have is to immediatly dump her lazy no good moody ass. Cause that is the advice my ol pa gave me and the advice that i will soon take with my girlfriend.

Peace and good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008):

They can be a pain in the ass, but we still love them eh fellas?

I have one here now, shes in a right mood, but what can i do?

Us men can't win whatever we do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008):

Bin her off mate, its what I did two years ago with a similar girl - she sounds spoilt, I am now in a very loving relationship where we discuss our feelings rather than just getting in moods!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

I am like your girlfriends ,you guys are talking about. Really I can say that I don't know why I have mood swings and don't know how to control them or get ride of my mood swings. I think in all of the response to this problem women and men have is that they are unhappy in there present relationship. The only way to cure it is to have cummincation and make each other happy. If that doesn't work then you weren't ment to be, so move on.

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A female reader, scythe Australia +, writes (21 March 2008):

scythe agony auntI'm a chick and I have recently been getting mood swings around the guy I'm seeing.

I know it't not normal and not natural and he shouldn't have to put up with me being like this so I thought I'de do some research.

After reading all the posts below and talking to other chicks I think I've found the reason for my moody-ness.

It usually originates when my 'partner' is not showing me enough attention. If he invites me over then ignores me I get angry. I think this is a natural response. However, I tend to let the anger build and it carries over into the next day. Plus - I feel that I can't tell him that I am angry at him ignoring me, so I don't tell him anything, I just silently seethe.

The logical solution would be to just tell him I supose. But sometimes, when I get annoyed that he isn't paying me enough attention, it is because I have unrealistic expectations. Like, if he is with friends - ofcourse he can't spend all his time talking to me. I really don't know what to do here.

I think that the majority of my moody-ness arises from a lack of attention and builds due to an inability to discuss the problem.

The other time I will be moody is in the week leading up to my period. This type of mood affect everyone, not just my 'partner'. It is due to the fluctuating levels of hormones in the female body. I know that is not an excuse, but it is an explanation. I supose the answer would be to just leave me alone during that week, or not to take whatever I say too personally.

Well I hope that what I've said might help some guys to better understand their girlfriends. The key is definately talking about it. Neither of you should have to put up with mood swings in scilence.

Feel free to email me if you wanna chat about this. I could use some help from a guy's perspective here.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

hi,

I'm so glad I'm not alone my girlfriend has always had a nasty streak but used to save it for thoes who she didnt like but since our son was born early last year she has eaten her self from 12- to 15 stone totally given up on looks but worst of all has become a total b***h she does work 2 hours in the evening and have a car to herself to see and visit her friends but is so so lazy and im finding myself doing everything i work from 7am- 5pm 5 days and go to college in the evening for 2 nights from 6-9pm and cycle everywhere so when i get home im pretty tired. but when i get home the house is like a bomb has hit it washing up everywhere house generally filthy but she is a great mum so for that i put up with it but i do feel annoyed some times when i only get weekends off. take this weekend for example she has been out for both days and ive had the nipper done everything including 7 loads of washing as she will not do that ever, and still had a good meal on the table for when she got home and washed up and had the house already tidy. she will then sit for the rest of the time either asleep or on the internet and if i complain she just throws the comment at me if you dont like it u know where the door is we will be better off without you anyway and that is like having your heart ripped out and stamped on. she does have her good days but im usually still getting over the past comments that have been thrown at me because they really hurt and she thinks im being moody and it sets her off again. im really at a loose end, am i an a-hole like she says i am or is there something im missing out on i would love to take her out more but am struggling with money and that is why im at college.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

Hi,

I can relate to your post about moody women. I've been through quite a few of those types myself, and they're all alike in the sense that they give it but suck at taking it. I don't know the extent of whom you're dealing with, but the ones that I've come across are all the same in how they hate it when someone (let alone a guy) would put them in their place. Most of the time, they'll turn on the tears and attempt to do and say other things to try and make you feel like you mistreat them. These types thrive on manipulation, so the best thing that you can is stand your ground, take charge, realize the bullcrap that they're pulling, call them on it, and cut them loose no matter how much you might think that you care about them because it's all about them having the upper hand. The girls that I had would try that garbage on me, and I would laugh at them and give them the cold shoulder by walking away. I learned that those types are unstable, immature, stupid, crazy, and they're so messed up that even the best psychiatrist in the country couldn't fix them. What's even more messed up about those types of women is their tendency to be standoffish, haughty, and bitchy towards everyone, and they have no reason to act that way because they're nothing special and they know it. Girls like her will never change nor grow up, and they're just looking for some anonymous sucker to trick into falling for their garbage. You already know that you're all alone in this world as it is, so the best thing that you can do for yourself is to have a clear conscience of how you act and treat her, and most of all, be good to yourself and drop her like a bad habit. She pretty much sounds like one as it is, for she's no good and being with her only leads to trouble and unhappiness. I've been there before and I'm glad that I had wised up and had seen this for what it is. Women are just as (or more) controlling, manipulative, and abusive as the guys that they accuse of behaving that way. They just don't get called on it as much, nor are they looked at as hard as the guys because the guys are already labeled as having all traits and are also capable of doing the most damage. It's about time that society had wised up and stopped thinking that way.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

My girlfriend is incredibly moody, for the last 2 and a half years i have lived with the mood swings from hell, she is perfect for most of the time and i am incredibly happy but when the mood changes i go through hell, nasty comments, lies meant to hurt me, demands that i leave her and anything she can say or do to cause the most damage possible, ex-boyfriends get thrown in my face. I used to react by arguing back, by screaming shouting, wrecking things, grabbing hold of her and acting like an idiot. This is the wrong thing to do, she wants this, she wants the confrontation to prove that she is right and to keep the mood going. Now i leave, i don't shout or do anything, i just get in my car and go. We men have a secret weapon that you don't realise, we are not and never will be as insecure as a woman. Leave her to stew for as long as you can, and don't let her know where or what you are up to, she will call, she will text, she will do anything she can to make you know she is there alone and be desperate to know you are upset too. Don't call until you are ready, remember that it is you that has been hurt and attacked by her so you have the high ground because you didn't react, never react and never ever tell her she is being childish, good luck fellow men.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007):

i no exactly what u saying my bird is nuts i am not allowed to do anything if i go out im being unfaithfull(im not)when i phone she answers with attitude she tells me she no's this and she's sorry but it never stops shes started taking anti deppressants a six month course and is four months into it and i can honestly say she is twice as bad, ive never known someone so unreasonable full of broken promises and accusations she says i go on about it to much so i try and turn a blind eye but its about meeting half way and that is not happening one bit.i do love her dearly but i dont think i can do this anymore especially when i see mates meeting half way with there birds and helping each other out i get jealous that i dont have that and beleive me thats all i want i do not ask for anything cos i no i'll be let down or i'll be asking the immpossible do i wait and see or do i go and be labled an ass hole

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007):

I can say from experience that when I am moody with my boyfriend for no good reason, it is usually because I am craving attention. Maybe just a kiss and cuddle.

The only reason I am craving attention is because he hasn't been showing enough lately or I'm having a fat,ugly day and need some reassurance (sad I know but trust me, all women have them - and Im not even fat!).

Of course, there is the possibility that she is frustrated with the way things are but doesn't know how to talk to you about it. Now that could be because she is worried how you are going to respond or you have talked about it so many times and it never ends the way she would like.

Unfortunately, we are complicated creatures but if you have been with her long enough you should know her well by now. Girls love nothing more than a good chat so maybe spend a nice evening home alone with some candles and wine and have a heart to heart - she can only love you more for trying even if she doesn't get what she wants!

Just becareful that in the romance of the lighting and the effect of the alcohol, you do your best not to make it about sex - if she wants it she will let you know!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007):

Not all women are moody cows. Unfortunately, the girl I am with now has this weird moody thing going on as well...and I don't think I can stand it much longer. It is ruining my life, and my friends seem distant now because she doesn't want to know them, or want me to see them. I am starting to feel isolated and I am starting to think that I might be happier alone...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007):

Being moody is self destructive and relationship destructing. It is all consuming and can turn the person in to the opposite of their natural self. Moodiness can be stopped with some self control. Finding out the route of the frustration and dealing with the issues. It can also be restrained by being more self aware, pin pointing when it is happening, changing your behaviour patterns and listening to the person you love; the person that is trying to help you.

The person that is dealing with a moody partner needs to ask themselves.... Do they love their partner? If you do and you are finding these mood swings as the only down fall then try to help by reflecting back their behaviour. Maybe agreeing together that when the moodiness starts, the partner that is trying to help will alert the moody partner in a specific way. As sort of a signal to let them click backin to self awareness. When partners accept all the responsibility for their moody partners behaviour you are rewarding them with your dignity. You are taking the blame so they wont feel guilty and act accordingly. yuou need to let them know that it is unacceptable and that they need to work on it.

If this doesnt help then the person may be too far consumed in it all. These people need to go and seek help. A lot of the frustration that is seen in moodiness can be linked to bad experiences, unfufilled wishes, repressed memories etc.

Remember that you can only help people so far, and they need to want to help themselves. You are not soley responsible for the other persons happiness so dont punish yourself or make yourself unhappy trying. Goodluck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007):

dont take it she is being out of order...she may have her own problems that she is not sharing with you! you need to try and talk to her about these...if she still doesnt share anything with you then theres is nothing else you can do! you can tell her your feelings and if she still doesnt change you may have to rethink this relationship becuase it obviosly is ot making you happy!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

Honestly guys its not worth the effort. I had the exact same problem with my girlfriend and i said enough it enough and finished it. That was nine months ago and it was the best thing i ever did. You should have not to apoligise for being a man and having to put up with completely irrational moods and strops. They dont behave like that with their friends or sisters cause they know they wont get away with it. Pull them up on it and if they dont change move on, life is too short for dealing with women like that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

Honestly guys its not worth the effort. I had the exact same problem with my girlfriend and i said enough it enough and finished it. That was nine months ago and it was the best thing i ever did. You should have to apoligise for being a man and having to put up with completely irrational moods and strops. They dont behave like that with their friends or sisters cause they know they wont get away with it. Pull them up on it and if they dont change move on, life is too short for dealing with women like that.

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A male reader, jay1209 Aruba +, writes (20 July 2007):

you know what! its the same in mine! it annoys me so much but thats just the way she is, its hard because she just chucks it back in my face when im being nice to her. all i do now is just let her have her moment tell her i love her and that if she wants to talk about it then im here for her but if you cant then its hard to try and help and leave it at that. dont get mad, but kind of show her shes being silly with out being rude, what ever you do dont tell her shes silly or boy oh boy she will have ya lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007):

Additional to my last post on this subject...

If girls/women can't help this moody behaviour, and don't know they're doing it - or don't realise that they're being a bit irrational at the time.... how come they seem to be able to keep it at bay when other people are around?!?!?

Huh!?!?!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007):

yeh iv got the same kind of prioblems with my girl but mines a selfarmer and shes been doing it for yrs but shes got 4 kids from a previous relationship they call me dad an i love them to bits she takes it out of the children and me but wen my girls moody shes MOODY no one can talk to her im finding it hard im bringing 4 kids up on my own and iv got epilepsy but i love her 2 bits and i dont think i could ever leve her and for the ones who say run an leave u obviously dont love ya girl

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007):

i am coping with the same thing. my girlfriend has become completely withdrawn and i dont know why. i try to be nice and i am treated like a criminal. i try to give space and it is like torture to me. and the thing is is that i never behave in a way that would bring this on! i am always good to her. it happens for no reason or anything, just like a lightswitch. why do they do this????

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007):

My girlfriend is the same in many respects. I adore her but often find it diificult to deal with her mood swings...even harder when its the other way round and she will make no effort to sort things out. I often think to myself is it right to continue...but then I think of all the times we do enjoy each others company and shy away from actually acting upon any given issue. Tough really my friend, do you coninue and try and please or do you cut your losses and look for someone who you can have a more balanced relationship with. People will often advise, get rid/its not worth it etc, but of course, its so much easier looking in to comment than it is being within and to act. Its true to say though that sometimes you cant see the wood for the trees and only whne you can do this can you make a reasoned judgement on the situation. Have you tried telling your girl how you feel, does she know how much you want it to work ? Ladies come in many different forms and all equally lovely in there own right, one thing is for sure though, men are from mars and women are from venus...some things will never be agreeable to both of you. Just got to find a compromise and meet in the middle....even if the middle is more on her side than it is on yours. Relationships are like a chess game, pick your moves carfeully and you win....pick the wrong moves or acting rash could sometimes end in defeat......worth taking the risk ? Your choice dude.

I really should listen to my own advice sometimes!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007):

Sigh, I have the same problem however I'll be leaving soon because of it. I'm 26 y/o and don't have the time for her childishness anymore as it just consumes my entire day.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007):

well, i understand where you are coming from. I was like that before. But the tables have turned. Early in my relationship with my current boyfriend, he started to be the moody one. Out of no where he would just stop talking to me, and be angry with me. I wasn't quite sure what to do, but i always let him blame things on me, and so i appologized everytime. Now, he still treats me like crap, aand im kind of lost in what to do to fix it, or.. can it be fixed..:S

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

At least I know I am not the only guy with this problem. I'm about to the point of ending the relationship, which is going to be hard. I have known my girlfriend for almost 10 years and only been together for 2. She does have a 2 year old child which has grown quite attached to me and me to him . My girlfriend gets a mood swing from everything it seems and closes up. It could be started from the child having a bad day, job stress, time of the month, or just waking up on the wrong side of the bed. When they hit she will not speek to me, see me, acknowledge me and quite frankly do nothing. I have to starting punching the time clock to get things going again which can sometimes take weeks. Then she will finally come to me and say how much she loves me. I get moody sometimes but at no point do I treat her like a 2nd class citizen. It just gets me mad because I am there only when she is in the right mood, and I have no one when she is in a bad one. I guess women think guy's just want sex and have no feelings.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007):

tell her to grow up or you will traet her like the child she is acting like.Girls love drama just tell her to snap out of it or you are going else where and you will see her respect a lot more tham listing to her moody crap

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006):

Quote from other female above:

"Im a girl and i do this too. I know im not the only one either! We know we're doing it, but we just can't help it."

My response:

Stop being pathetic! Take responsibility for the MISERY you are causing other people. You need to go for counselling / psychotherapy or perhaps need to grow up. I am male and I used to have mood swings, so I worked VERY VERY hard to improve them, I've been trying for 10 years of more. I went for counselling (paid for by myself), I learned meditation, and now I'm doing Tai Chi and Yoga to help things. I also took responsibility and quite drinking and caffeine.

Now if you think I did this for myself then yes partly, but it was mostly to do with my awareness that I was upsetting too many friends and family. But I took reponsibility for how I am.

Women use the "women are have mood swings due to some biological thing" too far, they abuse it and don't even bother trying to improve. It's time a lot of women grew up.

I've had enough of pathetic women like this.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006):

I understand exactly where your coming from. my gf is exactly the same! she will go on 1 because of the silliest of things. only today she fell out with me when i said "ill be up in a mo im just having a cigarette" but i saw 3 welsh lads who had been staying in the same hotel and i got talking 2 them because they are leaving tomorrow. We were exchanging phone numbers and having a bitch about the price of plane tickets when my gf popped her head around the bar door. i quickly followed upstairs knowing that she had been looking for me, only 2 get to my room that was locked! i went 2 reception 2 get the spare key and went back 2 an open door!! she gave me aload of shit 4 bein 20mins instead of the 1 i said, but i explained 2 her i got talking to them and was saying goodbye, but she would not listen!!! we have had a fantastic day! we had been in town doing some xmas shopping and topped the day off with a meal at a local restaurant, but she insisted on telling me that i had pissed her off and she kept telling me to "shut the fuck up" because she was watching a film!!! so i left the room telling her i was sorry 4 being such a dissapointment because she had also said after i said "if im such a horrible bf then why are u with me" that she didnt know why she was with me!!! But she is the nicest person alive when she is sober or in a good mood! But she doesnt realise untill maybe an hour or two after how horrible she has been to me, and for no reason!!! its hard work!! But i love her so no matter how she might get i always know that she loves me too! She know how she gets sometimes and she has apologised many times for this. just stick with her! if u love her it will work out, because i dont think that some one can be like that on purpose. i think that in time she will realise what she has and realise if she carries on the way she is she will lose that some one who cares so much 4 her!!!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006):

I understand exactly where your coming from. my gf is exactly the same! she will go on 1 because of the silliest of things. only today she fell out with me when i said "ill be up in a mo im just having a cigarette" but i saw 3 welsh lads who had been staying in the same hotel and i got talking 2 them because they are leaving tomorrow. We were exchanging phone numbers and having a bitch about the price of plane tickets when my gf popped her head around the bar door. i quickly followed upstairs knowing that she had been looking for me, only 2 get to my room that was locked! i went 2 reception 2 get the spare key and went back 2 an open door!! she gave me aload of shit 4 bein 20mins instead of the 1 i said, but i explained 2 her i got talking to them and was saying goodbye, but she would not listen!!! we have had a fantastic day! we had been in town doing some xmas shopping and topped the day off with a meal at a local restaurant, but she insisted on telling me that i had pissed her off and she kept telling me to "shut the fuck up" because she was watching a film!!! so i left the room telling her i was sorry 4 being such a dissapointment because she had also said after i said "if im such a horrible bf then why are u with me" that she didnt know why she was with me!!! But she is the nicest person alive when she is sober or in a good mood! But she doesnt realise untill maybe an hour or two after how horrible she has been to me, and for no reason!!! its hard work!! But i love her so no matter how she might get i always know that she loves me too! She know how she gets sometimes and she has apologised many times for this. just stick with her! if u love her it will work out, because i dont think that some one can be like that on purpose. i think that in time she will realise what she has and realise if she carries on the way she is she will lose that some one who cares so much 4 her!!!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006):

hi i have the honestly same problem i mean everything i do is just wrong to her. one day i could come to her house which for 1 i live quite far away and the next thing im getting mood swings like hell i just want her to stop the consant moods with me as it is really starting to hurt me. the other problems with her moods is that she has a child at the age of 1 and when she gets moody she takes it out on him which i dont think is right, i have wanted to end this all and just get rid but it is so hard as of the child why is she so moody, i mean what the hell causes it?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2006):

wow i i have the exact same probelm with my girlfriend ,its so hard to just except it and go about your daily life i meen thats why your here because you love her the same as me but your willing to do anything to make it better and sometimes it seems like all your eforts are useless i wish i could wave a wand and poof every thing is better my girl dont like to talk it gets her all upset because im a straight up kind of person and shes a nothings wrong type you look at these answers and wonder which is right but we dont know each others partners i try to look at what the girls write and thay say the same thing that my girlfriend says "i dont know why " which sucks how do you get anythign done do woman really get depressed fpr no reason ? i say no because i feel like thers always that under lining reason .when it gets so bad that you have to turn to a site on the com is it worth fixing at that point?love should come with a owners manual.problems in a relationship always feel like your driving 5 mph over a clif slow and painfull . maybe noone has the answer

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006):

Above - you're the opposite to me. My girlfriend wants to see me "all the time" and flips out if I've got stuff to do. It's because I've got a life and don't define myself by my partner. Why don't you give her some space?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006):

My girl is like this. She says she loves me and cares about me, she makes plans wiv me then at last minute fucks me off for her m8s. She then says we always together which is bollocks coz she always wiv her family or m8s and im at work. If she loves me why dont she want to see me at every opportunity. She said she has a wall up from past experience but we been together long enough now. She just keeps hurtin me by doing this and when i tell her how i feel she just dont seem botherd. We been on and off since we got together and i do everything for her.

Im now thinkin is it worth it. I just going to ignore her i know shell run back to me but i dont know if i want to go through this agin

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005):

My girlfriend is exactly the same. I really love her and she knows it. I feel that is part of the reason, she knows that no matter how moody she is i will always be there for her and i won't let her go. So her that u do really mean business and you can no longer take it. She will soon realise how much you love her and will start being normal. Trust me!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005):

Im a girl and i do this too. I know im not the only one either! We know we're doing it, but we just can't help it. We don't even know what puts us in these moods half the time. For me, sometimes i just wake up feelin funny, other times I'll be fine one minute and then, just like that, wham -like that guy was sayin about his girlfrind. There is no logic to it! It is unreasonable, illogical and horrible. We take it out on you guys, we don't mean to hurt you, but we feel frustrated for no reason. I find when i get in these moods I need to just need to sit and talk to him about it until i feel better, even though half the time i don't realize whats wrong. I really don't think there's a simple answer to it. I just think its something all women do, and if you really love her you'll just have to try and understand that the best you can. Make her talk to you about it, but don't lecture her or tell her that she's being childish, she knows that already, but you pointing it out will make her feel embarressed, which will make her mood worse. Let her talk for as long as she needs to.

And when it comes to you, when she's in an ok mood try and explain how you feel about how she acts to your moods. We expect a lot from you guys, and are unfair sometimes with that. I know i do the same and I know i need to learn not to get stroppy back when my man has the occasional strop. Its hard on both sides not to react in a stroppy way when some one is stroppy with you. Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005):

i think every guy has this problem i know i do i know all my freinds do hell i know my dad does and the problem is i dont think there is a thing we can do about unless we want to stay away from wowen all which i dont want to cause for me the benifits far out way the troubles sorry you got to take the good with the bad

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005):

Get out while you can!

As soon as they start to fail like that you've got to trade them in. You wouldn't keep a car if it was tempermental in the morning would you?

Honestly mate. Run........ Run fast and far....... Change your name if you can!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2005):

Unfortunatly, I am just like your girlfriend. I have come to realize all my furstrations come from basically one place. I am with a wonderful man and we each have one child. My life is being a mom and a wife. Its all I want to do. But right now, I have to work 45 hours a week and I work retail. I am never home and I cant be the mom and wife I want to be. I know it will wont be like this in a couple years but I get very fursterated now. It took a while for me to pin point exactly why I was so moody all the time. And I am still workin on it. But my husband would sit and talk with me for hours when ever the moods got bad. Finally I could figure out for myself what was upsetting me. If you love this girl, stand next to her. Help her too figure out what she is unhappy about. By doing this your not only showing her how much you care but your helping rid her of her moods. Make a deal with her, to have a chat everytime one of you get in a mood. Then hopefully she will learn to be there for you too. I hope this helps you some. I know this is working for me. best of luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2005):

My girlfriend wont let me go anywhere without her because wen i say im going out she will get in a mood and say im blowing her out for my friends, but the thing is i see her everyday, she even deleted numbers on my phone of other girls that are just my friends, she is so jealous, no matter what we argue about its allways my fault and shes allways right, but when i do say something she cries and then i feel bad, what can i do

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2005):

Fisrt off, if the relationship is not usually good there is nothing you can do about the moods. She may be doing it for attention, there may be something bothering her, or she may not be feeling 'well'. If things are usually good, the key is to pinpoint what is causing the mood swings. With my girl, she gets moody if she doesn't get what she wants - she is spoiled. Sometimes, however, it is caused by PMS or not feeling well - makes her sensitive. I can pretty much avoid any mood swings if I play my cards right, and thats not putting me out any. Her demands are by no means rediculous ones. If your girl is being rediculous or overly selfish you need to let her just have her mood, ask her what will make her feel better, and if there is nothing resonable you can do, go about your normal buiseness until she gives you a resonable demand. Otherwise you will just be a prisoner of her moods - don't get into that rut. It will end up with you resenting, cheating, or leaving.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2005):

I know how you feel, mine is the same, one minute we will be kissing on the sofa, then something will pop into her head and she goes all cold on me, silent treatment and everything. I then try for ages to find out whats wrong and its usually something she thinks which is totally not true. I then try to warm her back up, always end up explaining myself out of her untruthful accusations and when she seems to warm up, she just drops back into a mood.

My advice is to just show her what she is missing, if i leave for a few days i get a text within 24 hours, "sorry, I dont want to lose you and i love you" etc. Then you go back and she will try to make it up to you, but dont freely lap up her appology, make her work for it if she is in the wrong.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2005):

I wonder what you mean by 'work'. Whatever you do in a relationship should be natural and if you mean doing the dishes or being romantic - surely this should be a pleasure for you if you love her!

In my experience if a girl's being moody it means she's upset with you about something. Maybe she's told you why and you haven't listened or done anything about it.

Maybe she hasn't told you why because you're being hard to approach.

She sounds stressed but I don't think you're seeing that, just your own stress and your worry about work. Sounds like you're blaming the relationship for being stressed at work. Maybe you work too much and that's why she's moody. Hey, why not ask her what's wrong and start treating her nicely, I'm sure you can do things to make her smile instead of snap at you!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):

You have to know one thing, women's mood shifts upon weather and period PMSing stages. That or shes being childish in some sense. Talking it out with her on how you feel would let you know what to take in this relationship, either to the next level of more close or a new change definately.

I hope my advice proved of any use to you and may you find the guiding light to the answer you seek~

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):

A couple of things. First, you mentioned that she "will get in mood over nothing and some very trivial stuff" and then you try your best to "please her" and that she doesn't do the same for you when you are in a mood. Maybe each of you have different expectations and needs when it comes to the other's role in these situations. She may not want you to simply appease her as this may seem to be an attempt to meet your need, not hers and be thought of as selfish.

In addition, although you may see her worries as "trivial", she obviously does not. Try to understand what worries her about the situation and even if it is not something you can fix, offer your love and support so that she can better deal with it. Try to understand why something so small means so much to her and you may find out that it isn't so small after all. Small worries add up to a big worry or a "mood".

As for what you want when you are in a "mood"... Sounds like you are trying to give her what you would want her to give you in those situations. That is a good start on empathy, but asking her what she wants is a better option. And telling her what you would like her to do for you is most likely going to be a step in the right direction to getting your needs met.

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