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Molested as a child, it's affecting the my sexual relationship today... Help!

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 January 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I am a 23 year old female and my relationship with my mate is on the brink. When I was four years old I was molested by my family member and it went on for two in a half years. I relive some moments like it happened to me yesterday.

I try to be sexual with him but it is as if I start to relive and we have to stop. I feel as if the person that has molested me brainwashed my mind into thinking that to love is to show with sex, and I don't want to have sex so I feel as if I don't love him.

He is so understanding and it's me that does not want to go on any longer with him. What can I do to help put this in the past so I can move forward and learn to love my mate before it is too late?

too confused to love...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you two for writing. I would like to tell you what you both said was amazing. But I only have one thing to say, this one is to the lady that it happened to, I admire the way that you and I had been through the same thing, and mines to was my uncle, I thought for awhile that I was the only one that went through things like this, just to know that I am not the only one helps a lot.

Thank-You Both

Confused TO lOVE

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2006):

The same thing happened to me when i was around 4 to 5 yrs old and continued untill he went to prison for something else. He was my uncle and it happened every other weekend almost for about 2 yrs. I seen a show on Oprah when I was around 14 on this subject and told my Mom and we delt with it. I went to counciling for awhile and thought I was good. But still to this day at the age of 35 and married for 15 yrs to a wonderful man,I still at times do not want to have sex with my husband but do it anyways to make him happy and all I can think about is that sick a** and it makes my skin crawl and can not wait until my husband is done. So i would encourage you to talk to someone professional and or your familyif you have not done so. You hopefully know it is not your fault, he was sick. But,I believe this is one of those things that you are going to deal with for the rest of your life. Be strong. It will be OK. Trust Me. Day BY Day. Good luck to you.....

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A female reader, Legendless +, writes (14 January 2006):

I know a lot of the frequent agony aunts on here give terrific advice, but as far as this goes, I would suggest starting up some sessions with a professional. Your past will take more than a paragraph of "how-to's" to get over. I think it is impossible for any of us to put ourselves in your shoes if we've never been there before. I'm very sorry about your situation, as it's not your fault at all, and it is important to realize that.

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