A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am getting confused by a girl I have feelings for.I told her a while ago I really liked her and asked her how she felt she just said I'm a no go area. She likes talking to me but says not about that and we should forget about that, but looks at me like she would like to sleep with me sometimes and admitted she is attracted to me.When I got some bad news about a family member she ask me if im ok, but my girlfriend doesn't ask this.Also I found out this girl bought me some things for christmas when I told her not to, something nearly didn't arrive in time she ordered the same thing from somewhere else so she made sure she had it in time and then had to sell spare gift, don't know if that means she has feelings to or if she just kind?
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 February 2014):
 Assuming you haven't already acted out this 'revenge' fantasy with anyone else, I'm going to advise against doing it with this 'friend'.
What you now have is the moral high ground and that is no small thing. Your girlfriend might not bring it up but what crosses her mind every time she's in a group setting where cheating is mentioned, hears similar gossip and condemnation of someone else, watches a TV show in which one of the characters is cheating, is the fact that she did that to you and that you haven't done it to her.
Once you cross that line you will forever be 'one of those guys', not just to this girlfriend but to EVERY other from here on out. And it could be argued that your girlfriend's infidelity was merely the permission you needed to do what was already in your heart.
Kudos to you for trying to work past what she did, but clearly it isn't something you can live with. And that is perfectly understandable. Not only is your girlfriend untrustworthy but her choice of friends speaks volumes about her character.
The best thing, I think, you could do for yourself is to walk away from this relationship. It's not enriching your life. It's just bringing out the worst in you.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Your confusion comes from the fact that you really want to get it on with this chick, if you didn't you'd have the "whatever" attitude going on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 February 2014):
 OP, how old are you? Are you really in the 36-40 year range? This sounds more like a late teen issue.
If you don't want to cheat, what does it matter what this girl thinks/says/does to you? Do you need an ego boost, is that the real problem?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2014):
 why do her mixed signals confuse you?
what does how she feel have to do with what you are going to do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionerm did i say i wanted to cheat?
i said i am confused about mixed signals!
i feel like your judging me as a bad person when you admit to there being lots of guys you would like to sleep with!
I'll take yor advice with a pinch of salt!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2014):
OP it was YOUR choice to stay with a woman that cheated on you. That does not give you the right to cheat on her. OR punish her for her past behaviors . IT was YOUR choice to stay. IF you can’t get past it you say to her “the longer I think about it the more I can’t accept your past behavior and it’s making me a bad person. I’m still angry about your cheating and I think it’s better if we end it now before I do something that I may regret later on.”
You said “most men do lust…” so NOT all do. AND there is a hot difference between finding a friend of mine attractive or sexy and trying to get with her and cheat on me…. I don’t mind if my hubby looks… and I don’t’ mind if he finds others attractive… Hell I was someone else’s wife when HE set his sights on me…
There are LOTS of guys I would like to sleep with…guess what… those are NOT the ones I look at with “that look” I reserve THAT look for my man.
So we have determined your girlfriend is a lying cheating girlfriend
We’ve determined that her friend likes to play with fire by teasing her best friend’s boyfriend (which BTW could be something she and her friend cooked up to test you)
And we’ve determined that you are angry and confused.
WHAT exactly do you want us to help you with?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (20 February 2014):
 If you fantasize and lust after other women while you are with someone, is it right?? Yes it happens to all of us at some point, both male and female. But is it right? Of course not. But we try to pass it off as normal because we do not want to be criticized for doing it.If you stood by your girlfriend after she slept with someone behind your back, that is big of you. It must have hurt your feelings. So now comes this girl that will most likely cause you to become the same as your GF, and you think what? The point is…If you are standing by your GF, then no signal mixed or otherwise from other women should matter to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI might be a piss poor excuse for a bf but I have stood by my gf even though she has had sex with some one behind my back.Yes I might have lusted after her friend but I've got news for you ladys, most men do lust or fantasise after there gfs of partners friends at sum point and if they tell u different they are lying.And i have not misread the looks, she has told me she would like to sleep with me if things were different but she would not tell me how she feels which is why i am confused.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): I'll save you the trouble. Break up with your girlfriend.
A girl I know once dated a guy in my group of friends. They were pretty good together until she started having a thing for the guy's friend. Friend was obviously into her and guy had no idea, so my friends and I intervened and showed guy why girl is not a good girlfriend. Guy dumped girl, girl started dating friend, friend stopped being friends with guy. It didn't work out between friend and girl, either.
None of them talk to each other anymore.
(To be fair, girl had cheated with guy on her previous boyfriend, so guy isn't entirely innocent in this situation.)
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 February 2014):
I think it's obvious she doesn't want to have sex with her friend's boyfriend. Easy enough to understand.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
Maybe your gf didn't ask you about something because she knows you are only wasting her time while you lust after her best friend.
Wow.
you say "looks at me like she would like to sleep with me sometimes" REALLY... how does THAT look? because I'm betting you are misinterpreting it.
I can find a man attractive and NOT want to sleep with him.
Do your GF a favor and break up with her so she can find a man that is not wasting her time and settling for her while he lusts after her best friend (and don't think they don't talk and don't know what a dog you are)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 February 2014):
 Sorry in advance, I'm going to be blunt with you.
YOU are a piss-poor excuse of a BF. You are so focused on this BEST friend of your GF that you are making up excuses as to WHY she could want more and WHY it's OK for you to lust after the best friend, because your GF isn't doing whatever it is you FEEL/WANT her to do.
End it with your GF, she deserves a guy who WANTS to be with her for the right reasons, not because it gives him ACCESS to her FRIEND.
Once you are single then... YOU can lust after, and pursue other women. My guess is, the Best Friend won't want to date you, not now not later. Because she rather keep her friend. Not that she seems like a very stellar friend....
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Maybe your girlfriend has asked her best friend to test the waters with you to see if you'd stray.
Even if not, I'm surprised the best friend hasn't said anything to your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend deserves better than someone who chases after other women, especially her friends. And perhaps you deserve better if you feel your girlfriend doesn't give you enough attention.
If I were you, I'd finish the relationship. Perhaps then the woman you like won't see you as a no-go (though I personally wouldn't date my best friends ex).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): My advice is to break up with your girlfriend since you are not investing your all into that relationship but instead you are looking elsewhere.
When you are single, then you can approach the other girl. She'll probably be more interested if she's not 'the other woman' or a dirty secret.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 You are a no go area because you are her Friends BF. Her actions indicate that she is interested in you but she will not cross the line.
I suggest you end things with your GF as this not fair on her and after a reasonable period, try to pursue things with this girl - that is more respectable than what you are currently doing. I would be really hurt if I know by BF was only with me because he cant get my friend.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (19 February 2014):
You ever see a cat play with a mouse before it eats it? Guess who is the mouse? New girl sees you as a challenge. If she knows you have a girlfriend… that makes her even more dangerous. The feelings you have for her is based on lust, not love. She may be sexy and you just want to get some. But what is the cost of some? Is it worth it?I am sure you are ready for some guy to try that with your girlfriend right? You would be so happy for your girl to be lusting after some guy the way you are lusting after this girl. Plus, if you sleep with the hot babe and she dumps you after, it was worth it right? Because you hurt your girlfriend, got dumped, have no one, and ready for the next hot babe to start all over again… Awesome!!! Be content with what you have, and don’t become cat food. This is why men get bad names…because they think with the head that has no brain, and ignore the head with the brain.
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