A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,There is this woman that just moved to the area that I haven't seen in 20 years. When she found out I was here I was told that she was so excited. She pretty much remember me just like that but it took me a minute to remember her. So as time went by I helped her get herself situated. She wanted to be around me constantly and then we started to hangout once during the week and twice on the weekend. During that time there was a lot of flirting; comments and a little touching. We have been going to lunch and dinner often. I forgot to mention after a week she was here she told me that she had been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I didn't think nothing of it because I was just hanging out with her. But in the past two weeks I have started to be more attracted to her. So I asked her several occasions if she was enjoying her time with me. She told me that's why she hangs out with me. I then asked her if she was attracted to me and if she was starting to like me. She said she was going to keep it to herself. Anyway we went out last week and I asked her again. She said it's hard to answer that because of her boyfriend. The following day we had a misunderstanding. I made some comments that was not directed to her but she felt they were so got real upset. It had nothing to do with us or her relationship. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. The following day we resolved our differences and went out to dinner and shot some pool. That same night I flirted with he a little bit she then told me that she doesn't like that. I was surprised with her comments. So the following day I told her I enjoyed spending time with her. I asked her doe she feel the same way. She then responding saying she enjoy going out with people. I was confused with her response. So I asked her if she was attracted to me. She told ask me why would she allow herself to be involved when she's in a relationship. I was shocked with her response. What should I do? How should I respond? Should I stop contacting her? I haven't spoken to her since. My thing is I'm not trying to break up her and her boyfriend. I just wanted to see where her head is at.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2016): Update~Hello,On Valentine's day I just sent her a friendly text wishing her a Happy Valentine's. We texted back and forth for a couple of hours. Then she sent me a text telling me she was hungry and that she wanted to go out to eat if I wasn't busy. I saw the text 20 minutes later. I told her I can pick her up in 30 minutes since I was in the bed and I needed to get ready. She was trying to tell me that all I have was 30 minutes. Of course I was like whatever. Anyway when I was done and about to head out my daughter Skyped me. so I told my lady friend to give me 10 more minutes. She got upset and told me that she will meet me downtown at one of my female bar owner friends bar. So i get down there my friend asked me to sit down next to her ( she knows that we are close). Then my lady friend responded back saying she doesn't want me to sit by her. She was upset that I took an extra 20 minutes to get down there. So the whole night was awkward. We ended up resolving the issue the next day. Then this past weekend a few of our coworkers decided to go out to eat for dinner and meet up around 7pm. She asked me if I was going. I told her I was 50/50. So that evening she hit me up telling me she was about to leave and I told her I'm going. I texted and told her I will pick her up (620 pm). I waited on her response before I decided to leave. Then 10 minutes go by she responds back. I told her I'm on my way (635 pm). I picked her up around 645 pm. She get's into the car all pissed off complaining about she doesn't like to be late. i was confused because it only takes us about 5-10 minutes to get to the restaurant from her place. So we get there and i parked. She gets out the car walking without waiting for me storming to the restaurant. While in the restaurant we did not say a word to each other.the whole time. Then we all decided to go to my friends bar to shoot pool.It was that awkward moment again. We were shooting but she is not talking to me.Then the rest of the night we did not speak to each other. So when we got in my car to go home I asked her what's wrong. She tells me that she doesn't want to talk to my right now. I was like cool and left it alone. So a couple days later (this past Sunday) she told my friend when they were out eating that she was pissed with me. He asked her why? She said because she doesn't like to be late for anything and i had her waiting.. He asked her didn't you both get there at 650 pm? Didn't you both beat everyone else there? She claimed I was driving like a bat out of hell which was a lie. I asked all the people that know us male and female for their opinion about the situation. They are wondering why she is acting is petty when I did nothing wrong. So days go by and we haven't said a word at work. My bar owner friend said she noticed that when we are out something was wrong because her and I always do things together. My supervisor noticed something was wrong so he asked me what was going on and I told him. He thought it was petty. Anyway, my supervisor and my other friend suggested that I should talk to her. So today I decided to talk to her (5 days after the so called incident) she was still upset about it and said it's my fault but I'm trying to put the blame on her. I told her it's nobody's fault. I told her she letting petty bs cause problems in our relationship. She said I don't care because I may be leaving soon (not really) and I'm being all nonchalant about this. She was even getting teary eyed. At the end of the day she wanted me to apologize. The thing is I don't apologize unless I did something wrong . In this case i didn't. So since I didn't she decided to leave and still doesn't want to talk. Tell me what you get out of this? This is confusing. This is strange behavior coming from someone who claims she is focused on her boyfriend and tries to hide her feelings. At the end of the day I'm not going to stress over it but just seems odd.Thanks.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): I appreciate both of your responses. I'm thinking about distance myself from her. I was just going to cut her off completely but I decided I will still communicate and hangout every once in awhile but multiple times weekly.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 February 2016):
 "Are you attracted to me?" That's not a simple innocent question like "do you like the color red or blue?". It implies you want to go further with the person. Being in a relationship it doesn't mean you can't be attracted to other people and have opposite sex friends. Unless she is single, you put her on the spot. If she answers yes she is attracted to you, then you think you have a chance with her and would be waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend. If she answers no she's not attracted to you, then she risks hurting your feelings, like you are not an attractive person. I think when she said she is in a relationship, that answers all. What's inside her mind, is irrelevant because she's not going to cross the line beyond flirting and slight touching. I think it's within her right to keep it a privacy, whether she's attracted to you or not.
The answer you need is a simple yes, or no but women are taught to be nice and subtle. Very few would be so direct to say, you are just a friend, and no I am not interested in you that way.
It's mentioned here that male and female friendships can't work if one of them is attracted to the other. It's not just finding the other person attractive, it's actually starting to get attached. I think she can get attached to you too, and she would be playing a dangerous game. She's having male friends to fill the gap when boyfriend can't be with her. At the same time some men don't want to be friends unless he finds her attractive. If they know for sure that the woman does not find him attractive, he would stop being her friend. She wants the attention and feel desired. She can play that "we are just friends" game as long as she wants. Practically no, you are basically on dates with limitations and restrictions on what you can do. Flirting does not have to mean attraction. It's just basically something to do to break the ice, to feel sexy, that's all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2016): she likes things right where they are. She has the stability of a boyfriend, and she's getting the dinners and the attention from you. she knows you like her but she also knows you are content to just be friends. she feels you are safe and that there is no chance you will sleep together. if she acts flirtatious it's okay. If you do, she pulled the boyfriend card.she likes going out with people as friends and she likes the attention but she doesn't want the burden of sex because for her it is a burden, it means she is no longer in charge anymore. in charge I mean she will now have to consider the feelings of someone else and then she will be the bad guy who dumped boyfriend. she wants to have her cake and eat it too
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