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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in love. No matter what anyone says, I know that's what it is. She is so great, but I was too late.School ended and she's going away for college in 2 weeks. I had the whole end of the school year and the summer to do something about it, but I couldn't. I should have just called and talked to her, or knocked on her door, but I didn't. Instead, I found myself driving past her house and work, along with many other things. I left notes on her car, and she knows it's me.She and her friends think it's so funny, while I'm really hurting inside. She's a year older than me, so I'll be going back to school, with her younger sister, where everyone knows I'm a "stalker".I know this is not what ordinary people do. And I want her to know that I don't think what I did was okay. And I don't want her to get the wrong idea because I would never harm her in any way. I want to fix this. But when I go to her house, I'm even more afraid now because if I knock on that door, she'll turn me away because of what I've done, right? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (9 August 2005):
 Did you ever date this girl? If not, you have a major crush on her and you have to learn to forget about her. Time will heal but you must get over her. From what you said in this letter..I would not term you as a "stalker" but overly impulsive, which over time could have turned into "stalking". Stalkers suffer from delusional thoughts that their victim in in love with them..you have no such delusions about this girl. You know she isn't in love with you.If you were to make: persistent phone calls despite being told not to contact her in any form; waiting at her workplace or in her neighborhood or using threatening, manipulative behaviours to get a response from her; or inundating her with written messages (letters, emails, graffiti); defaming her by lying to others; objectifying her in a derogatory manner reducing him/her to an object; Then yes..I'd say you have a major stalking problem!
You need to move on with your life and realize this girl does not feel the same way for you. You will get past these feelings soon enough. Try your best to look through your feelings to the other side of this experience. Look for a place where you will be happy and content without any girl, or picture yourself in a loving, healthy relationship with someone else, who treats you as well as you deserve to be treated. If all else fails..please seek the help of a counselor to work through your problems especially if you begin to feel anger towards this girl you like...that is just plain unhealthy!
You can take great comfort in knowing that everything passes. Since there are no exceptions-none-it means that if you are sad, you won't always be sad. If you fail, you'll bounce back. If you lose a love, there will be another. Indeed, there is something very reassuring in knowing that, whatever it is, however hard it seems, the hurt of unrequited love will pass. Leave this girl alone..you know that she's aware that you like her. She has chosen to ignore your overtures...so now's the time to put it to rest and move on. Good luck and go out there...and be happy!
A
female
reader, womanlyglory +, writes (9 August 2005):
The best thing is to just leave it alone now. You're going to hurt for awhile but it's for the best. She is laughing at you which sounds like she's not into the same thing you're into. This could only make matters worse if you show up at her front door. She and her friends have made you the center of their entertainment and you're looking like the fool. It's better to get harassed alittle for awhile at school than to end up getting beat up and then laughed at some more. Don't humiliate yourself.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (9 August 2005):
 You stalked her. She and her friends think you're a crazy freak. You've realised this. Move on, man! And learn from your mistakes.
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A
reader, becky05 +, writes (9 August 2005):
Oh dear why did you leave notes on her car rather than just calling her. Surely this would have been less embarassing?
I think it would be best to knock on her door and tell her why you did what you did and how sorry you are and that nothing like that will ever happen again.
Alternatively, you could just do nothing and wait for the whole incident to blow over ( which it will)
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