A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:ok guys i need help - although i dunno if there is a solution! ok, i was with my boyf for 3 yrs and we broke up - on friendly terms. just before we ended, i was in brazil and met this amazing guy. we were with eachother for only 3 days but swapped details etc. im going back in feb and will be with him. i miss him so much and although i talk to him almost every day all i can think about is going back. to the place and him. im so lonely here and im finding it so hard to get out of this depression. feb is so long away and i miss everything about the place so much. i dont wanna be living in my country anymore but i dunno wat to do as i havent got the money to go back yet!! any advice or ANYTHING would be helpful!!! thanks xxx
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male
reader, q1605  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 You guys are laying it on pretty thick. I move to strike all that from the record except elliptical. Being called elliptical was on the last page of my "must do before death list" To show you, poster, that I do recognize your humanity and your right to pursue happiness and that I can advise objectively. I would like to say that I don't think it would be too far out of line to hook up with your ex to help pass some time until your trip. You can do this without playing him if you try. He would enjoy the company and the, well, sex if I may be so bold. Just don't fill him full of bullshit while you do it. If he asks questions that have awkward answers you don't have to incriminate yourself. Defer and decline to answer. That will tell him enough about what he needs to know that he can decide to hang in there or if he is done and wants to focus his energies more productively.
I'm sitting here diligently thinking and hunt and pecking and a thought popped in. You are way ahead of me I bet. Are you dropping in for booty calls already. Tell me if my instincts are on target.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I agree with Dioavan; q1605 have given you a brilliant reply; read it over ....it is BRILLIANT; Secret....dont rush....read slow.....take note of what you are reading....Everything in life does not come with speed....You need to relax; read it again and again!
Well answered Q1605; I could not even try to match, add or improve!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I know he may be difficult to understand, but the beauty of what q1605 says and the way he says it, is it reminds you to take time, think very long and hard and encourages you to be patient when trying to find solutions to the problems you have. Read what he's written again, he has given you some good advice. Slow down, life is not a rush and you have a long way to go before you finally meet the right guy to settle down with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Somebody's trying to hurt my q1605, now that's downright wrong especially when he takes a lot of time and gives a lot of thought in trying to help people out..
Your lonely and depressed because you miss your long distance guy. This is something you need to get used to. This is the consequence for loving somebody in another country. February will come soon enough. If you speak on the telephone and keep in contact, you should be out having an exciting life without him, so you have things to talk about whenever you call. No man looks forward to a being with somebody whose only topic of conversation is how much they miss their guy and how lonely they are. You miss him and you want to be with him. That is good, you will see him very shortly. In the meantime get on with your life and find some enjoyment, loving a man is good, but loving yourself is even better.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 One other point, holiday romances have a habit of petering out in the light of solid reality. I hope it's not the case here, but the romance of meeting in a strange and exotic place, the eagerness for new experiences, the loss of inhibitions... these can all lead to exciting experiences that don't stand up when you come back to the reality of everyday life.
I'm not saying that this is the case here, but it happens. I don't want to put a damper on this, though. I really hope that everything works out for you.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (4 July 2008):
I think you were being tough on q1605. A lot of what he says makes sense, although expressed somewhat elliptically.
I don't agree that there are any issues about your previous boyfriend, infidelity, or anything else. That's just the luck of the draw. A boyfriend is a boyfriend, not a husband. If you find someone new that you like better, you are perfectly within your rights to move on.
The main thing that worries me is that you don't know this guy very well. As q1605 points out, there is a huge cultural difference, you only met for three days, you don't know anything about him... The risk factor is huge. What if he is just a smoothie leading you on? That is what q1605 is warning you about. It happens, and it's heart-breaking when it does.
On the other hand, when people fall in love, a lot of these superficial barriers don't mean a lot. If you both really feel that you've found the one, then it's not something that others can make a judgement on.
I hope that our fears are ungrounded and pray that it works out for you. And the sooner you manage to see him, the better! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (3 July 2008):
well there has been a lot of sentiment expressed lately that people don't want hard answers. That hard truths may make a persons lip quiver. So what do you want to hear? You got on and set out the facts and seeing how you are planning a trip back to brazil, your short term destiny is one set in stone and set in stone by you. And that doesn't seem to be a query as much as seeking affirmation. If this is true, affirmation for what. Was it OK for you to go down and hook up with a guy for three days behind your boyfriends back, but keep him on the back burner till you worked up some kind of lateral move. God forbid somebody leave one relationship without another one right there for a net. No body and especially not chicks should be expected to go to the well of wishful sighs and daydreams and pull up an empty bucket. Even if it means resorting to the lies and half truths it takes to give yourself and the people you are lying to the illusion that your course is the course taken by stable well adjusted people. Because it ain't. And don't tell me there was any shortage of truth stretching conversation. The guy in Brazil at best got a gross misrepresentation of the guy back home if he was mentioned at all. And the same can be said of the guy back home. My money says he doesn't know of your trip to Brazil because any idiot would do the math and figure out there was a little humping going on during your sabbatical, dry or otherwise. How did you put it? We were together three days and swapped details etc. If your flying back to Brazil and he is waiting at the gate for you, the money I just made on the bet above I choose to keep on the table and say you swapped more than details etc. I hope you don't need me to spell that out for you. So back to the unasked question. A bland all around "so guys help me out" Since you seem fairly adept at plotting your own course. you must be waiting for us to be all a twitter at the excitement and romantic portent of flying south to bang some guy who is a total stranger. I would tell you that this is nuts without all the lies and subterfuge it took to pull it off. But if you are so dead set on having harlequin like romance encounter that you are willing to treat the principles like pawns in a chess match, nothing I, or any one else will say is going to stop you. I will be watching in Feb. for your letter of: I took a huge chance and dumped my boyfriend of three years to fly to Brazil and hook up with a total stranger that had the sexiest accent and filled me with all kinds of bullshit that I bought so completely that i actually paid for another ticket to come down. He didn't even meet me at the gate. I had to hail a cab to get to that wonderful place he said was his. Where we made hot spicey salsa love at. Turns out he is just the grounds keeper. I'm not allowed on the property when the real owner is in town. Which they are now. And I broke up with my long term man 'o' my dreams for this lying sack'o' caca. Waaaaaaaaaaa
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (3 July 2008):
Well, q1605 has certainly been put in his place!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionq1605 - im sorry but with all your waffling and trying to be poetic i think you forgot to answer my question. and by the way we can talk on the phone - nearly every day, so pen pals is a little behind. and please next time you answer someone's question try not to decorate your answer with frivolous phrases, stupid comparisons and confusing opinions.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (1 July 2008):
its so nice when we are stuck in some rut and serendipity reaches down, pulls us out, and gives us a smile and a coke. Do you think the kind of thinking that enables you to fall for a guy you've spent three days with might be the source of friction between you and the guy you are breaking up with. Which it sounds like you were together when you hooked up with this guy. Be that as it may, you will visit him next winter. Where he lives. So far its beyond a long distance relationship. You can't even talk on the phone and look out the window and know that you are both viewing the same stars. So far away. I wouldn't even call you guys pen pals. Thats not factoring culture differences, language differences. And the fact he was hyper macking you in warp drive so you could probably believe half of what you saw with him and nothing he said. But that said, you will probably be that one that pulls it off. You will be the random typing primate that pulls macbeth out of his word processor. My share of cosmic luck went to somebody, it might as well be you. When and if you pull this off, you come back here and gloat I will find you and end your run of luck. And I will hear of it if you do. But if I were you I'd save your money and go for a sure thing. Why don't I just meet you at no issues place. Sounds like he has plans for you.
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A
male
reader, no_issues +, writes (30 June 2008):
 From watching porn, we learn that encounters with foreign men are generally of a very short duration, and sequels only happen if the first run was exceptionally well-received.
I mean -exceptionally.-
Like, you might need to get your ex-boyfriend and the new guy involved at the same time, along with an assortment of "lesbians."
If there's demand for a sequel, you'll know because you'll be inundated with requests for "3 Nights in Rio II" or "The Next 3 Nights in Rio" or whatever your porn title would be.
If you aren't getting these requests, then I'm sorry, porn teaches us that you need to hang out at swimming pools wearing almost nothing and setting up encounters with one of the lifeguards. (Or all of them at once, depending on taste.)
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A
female
reader, softballplaya +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Hey girl
It will be okay, just stay positive. Right now thats all ya can do. If you cant go to Brazil then ask him to come in! Long distance relationships are quite hard but they work out if you have the time and patience. I know its hard because you really miss him=/ Basically what I would do is spend some time with your friends and family because you stated something about moving, so until february spend some time with your friends. Im not saying take a break from him, by no means! deff keep talking but dont dwell on the fact that you cant be with him right now. Dont let this keep you from being happy. Dont worry about it because you will see him again...like the saying goes "time flys when your having fun" Go out and enjoy yourself and by the time you know it, it will be february
take care && best of luck!
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