New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224585 questions, 976146 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Men: why are you quiet during sex?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 September 2010) 25 Answers - (Newest, 27 September 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

To the men only: Why is it that some of you hold back from moaning or making noises during sex? Are you focusing too hard on your performance?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010):

Thank you so much for being honest. I also feel it's just a excuse when I hear a guy say that they have to concentrate, and that's why they don't moan or groan during sex. I don't see no reason to be embarrassed. I don't think a man will be happy if he was with a woman, and she is quiet during sex. He wouldn't know if he is pleasing her. Excellent answer!

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (27 September 2010):

birdynumnums agony auntIf you are self-conscious about noise around a person that you are boinking, then perhaps you don't know them well enough to be boinking them - lol! Or they might be worried about which name they call out in the heat of passion? Always the cynic...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, heartfullalove Ireland + , writes (27 September 2010):

heartfullalove agony auntWell I'd give you an answer if I could, but...I don't think I'm quiet

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010):

I'm so with you on this! I don't qualify as a man answering your question, but want to pass on to the guys reading/responding: PLEASE! MAKE SOME NOISE!! You love to hear us, right? Well, we would love to hear you, too!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010):

To some extent I think most people, both men and women, are self-conscious about what they do, and the sounds they make, during sex - especially at climax. I once made the mistake of telling my lover how much it turned me on the way she moaned and whimpered at orgasm - and she clammed up, and I didn't hear another sound from her for most of a year.

I don't really know "why" guys are quiet, but the fact is that most (90% or more?) are. On the other hand, around half of all women are somewhat vocal. I think most of the answers about how the guy is "concentrating" on his partner are really just an excuse, and the guys just don't want to say "It's too embarrassing.", or "That's just not the way I react.".

It took me quite a while to realize that I am in the "vocal minority". If I sense my partner's lust, or she does something a little unexpected during foreplay, or if a touch or caress is "just right", I spontaneously respond with a gasp or maybe a mild moan. At climax - I don't understand how guys can NOT be vocal: I tend to shudder all over, and moan or cry out. For me, it takes extreme concentration (and jamming my face into a pillow) to NOT be vocal. One partner embarrassed me, while I was still in the midst of climax, by saying, "WOW! You cum like a GIRL!". That put a damper on my expression of pleasure for a little while, but I recovered and still let it happen.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010):

Hi,

Maybe he doesnt want you to make you deaf if he's taking you from behind...I mean you wouldnt want him to scream in yr ear do you? ;)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (24 September 2010):

person12345 agony auntYou can always ask him to be a little more vocal. If you just tell him how hot it is for you, I'm sure he'd be happy to oblige.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010):

I find it odd that nobody has said this, but I don't moan because I feel like I sound stupid doing so. I guess that's probably because it doesn't come natural.

I've had some women complain about that I just explain it's not me. I do kinda growl when I'm having an orgasm and that usually turns women on a bit, but as for moaning, I can't even fake that.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

Interesting question. It's different for everyone really, some do, some don't. My boyfriend does sometimes but not all the time and not a lot.

I think it is to do with the whole concentrating thing. I mean, if they aren't concentrating then they'll be cuming way too soon and ruin it for the girl. So I guess that's why. Or some just prefer it that way or see it as a 'womanly' thing to do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for your answers. I can see it really does depend on the person. Pesrsonally, the sex is not exciting if I am the only one moaning.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (23 September 2010):

Cerberus agony auntI think the ejaculant is evidence enough of our pleasure don't you?

You have to remember OP our pleasure is quite different than yours. It feels great, through the entire act, but the only time we get extreme moanworthy pleasure is at the point of orgasm and that lasts only a few seconds, unless of course you can hold it in, in which case you don't want to let loose and moan either.

Most guys that moan only do it because they know it's expected of them to reassure the woman they are with that they're getting pleasure.

For the majority of us guys that care, performance is the most pleasurable thing for us, we know from experience that if we do it right we can have a woman weak at the knees and writhing in pleasure for a nice amount of time.

*Warning explicit*

Okay I'll be blunt, I really don't want to miss any part of the sweaty, writhing, moaning, screaming beast that is my girlfriend when we have sex, I want to take it all in and I can't do that if I'm not focused on her. I want to see how every part of her body spasms, her fists clench, the intensity of emotion in her eyes, the swaying of her breasts, the biting of her lip, the gasps for breath. As a guy the pleasure I get from seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling all that pleasure from her is the greatest feeling in the world. I can't do that if I have my eyes closed moaning with pleasure.

Blow jobs are the only time I can sit back, close my eyes and just immerse myself in my own pleasure.

Of course not every guy is like that, some just like to hop on get it done with and go to sleep. As long as you don't have one of those you're fine.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

I am only a moaner during orgasms. Most of the time, I am quiet because I am concentrating on the moment. I may moan a little, or talk dirty, but I'm usually listening to her because I find the sounds a woman makes during sex to be exquisite.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, olderthandirt United States +, writes (23 September 2010):

olderthandirt agony auntEvery one is different.Not all of us want to chat during intimate times.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

I love when guys moaning, its so sexy...but just a few did it..thats sad :) and never thought its about concentration

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Mugzie69 United States +, writes (23 September 2010):

Mugzie69 agony auntI couldn't agree more; I think it is a great turn on! I think that some men are afraid to do this because they feel it will look as if they are not in control.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

I am basically quiet during sex as a matter of focus. Every now and then I will say something like "you feel so good" or "you smell so damn good" or "you make me crazy". But when I am getting near orgasm I make some noises to let her know I am about to explode...that usually really turns her on causing her to move around more and make the orgasm more intense

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (23 September 2010):

person12345 agony auntA lot of people just prefer to be quiet and "in the zone" during sex. Doesn't mean anything about how much they're enjoying it or whatever. Some guys are quiet too because they're focusing on counting something, or whatever technique, so they can last longer.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

Its about focus and not an indicator of my pleasure level. :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, CuteBabe United States +, writes (23 September 2010):

CuteBabe agony auntcool question!!!

anyways I've only had 2 sexual partners and they both made noises and both moaned:s I think it has nothing to do with focusing on the performance, its some sort of a spontaneous reaction to the performance itself.. So I just think it depends on the guy himself and whether he likes or doesn'like to moan. maybe some guys think of it as a feminine thing or so.. Well as long as the whole thing is pretty good why care for the moaning part!

TCHAWS!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Kenj United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2010):

Kenj agony auntFor me its because I am focusing on giving her pleasure as well as myself. I get more audiable at the point of cumming.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, mrvhappy United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2010):

Hi,

Its probably because, for a change, we want to hear you moan!! ;)..LMAO

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I understand your explanation. Keep in mind that some women are not fully turned on when a man is silent during sex, because it's important to a woman also to know if she is pleasing her man. Thank you for your answer.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (23 September 2010):

Cerberus agony auntI'm a non-moaner, yeah it is about focus for me. Personally my biggest turn on during sex is the moans, gasps from my girlfriend, every little excess inhalation and sound is also an indication whether I'm hitting the right spots too. It's kind of hard to hear that when I'm moaning over her.

I have had girlfriends that wanted me to moan, but I always faked it.

When my girlfriend is on top or giving me head I moan, but again it's kind of forced. In that situation I do it to heighten her pleasure and give her a non verbal clue as to when I;m about to cum, not because my body wants to moan naturally.

For me I've always been silent when orgasming, I hold my breath at the point of my orgasms because it increases the pleasure for me. Funnily enough I attribute my silence to training myself as a teenager to be silent while masturbating. The walls in my parents house is like paper and I have a big family with very little privacy, I used to be able to hear my brother turn the pages of a book from all the way down the hall.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (23 September 2010):

We have to focus and use all our energy on one thing at a time. You know how men are :).

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Schoolboy Nigeria +, writes (23 September 2010):

Schoolboy agony auntMy dear when it to come 2 sex we have to consentrate focus on what we are doing,because sex is the sweetest thing in this world hahaha for you to get the whole taste you have to focus concentrate and less noise.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Men: why are you quiet during sex?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.046875!