A
female
age
18-21,
amylkx
writes:I broke off twice with this guy, G because of religious reasons, him being a Christian and I not. We then held on to each other in an ambiguous relationship (I had two boyfriends after him but he was always there for me and I kept turning to him) until he called it quits late last year. He didn't tell me the real reason then, but I realized it was cause he was already dating this girl J. He was afraid to let me know. We never got back together because we were both unsure, since we broke up over religious matters in the first place. We've met up quite a few times this year and we spent a day playing "couple" because he wanted it and he had missed me. We've shared quite a few kisses and hugs and to tell the truth, each time it happens, my heart gets shattered a little bit more. But I still let him have his way because I do still love him so much. Just a few weeks ago he kept flooding me with messages and stuff like "Everything about you attracts me, its like you were made for me" and etc. But now he's ignoring me. I don't understand why. Could it be because I cried infront of him on our last meeting? Gah. Oh he's still attached to J and they seem very stable together. She's like the good girl all parents love. She has gone on holidays with his family and had stayovers in a span of less than 4 months. I've told him many times to make up his mind but he keeps running away from this. I wrote him an email weeks ago pouring my heart out but he has yet to reply. I really don't know what else to do.
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female
reader, amylkx +, writes (18 May 2008):
amylkx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for replying to my question. :) Although the replies hurt even after all these months, they're the truth afterall. Many thanks again :) We almost met up again last night but he canceled it at the last minute due to some family issues. Now he's MIA and I have to admit, I'm worried as hell about him. But I guess I've to move on eh? :)
A
female
reader, Kimaxsi  +, writes (4 May 2008):
Though I know you love him, have a little love for yourself too. Roller coaster relationships like this or I should say the one's I have seen don't stabilize (they usually get progressively more unstable), if you keep holding out for him you are in for a bumpy ride and if you ever hoped for kids I don't have to tell you that's not a good environment for them anymore than it is for you. If I am honest I think he's just playing with you, I think at most to be blunt you could hope for is to be his mistress (I know you haven't done the deed with him, which is good), actions speak louder than words and he shows no respect for your emotional well-being, he runs when you're expressive, there's no way that could translate into a healthy loving relationship. You need to end this relationship and not just end it, but stop seeing him at all, just friends won't work. Obviously your weak against his flattery (and it is just empty flattery) be firm tell him its over and change your email address/phone number if need be to prevent further contact. It'll hurt for awhile. I was once in similar situation, my first relationship ever and we weren't sexually active either. He was so charming, so funny, and knew exactly what to say to make me cave and to make me weak, but it was emotional roller coaster for me, one moment he was Mr. Right and the next he was so very very Wrong. There were other girls too, that he did tell me about in detail. I loved him so much it hurt, it hurt so much but when I ended it, it didn't hurt as much as the relationship had even though I was sure it would, now the times I got mad and called off for a bit I felt horrible but when I made up my mind and really ended it, it didn't hurt that much at all. I got stronger I moved on and I also knew what not to look for in men so I could avoid bastards lol I knew though I couldn't do it without support, get your family and friends involved, tell them how he's hurt you as I did and they'll help keep your strong and keep him and his emotional blackmailing self at bay. Don't do this anymore, it won't get better. He will NOT change for you. If he comes back seemingly transformed or you here others say he's changed, still don't look back just keep moving forward with your head held high.
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female
reader, Misti Hdz +, writes (4 May 2008):
 First of all, my advice to you is to let him go. I know you love him but if he hasn't replied to your e-mail than clearly he doesn't care as much as you do. All I can say is everytime you are around him you get shattered and it hurts, you are doing this to yourself by going around him and giving into him. Stop hurting yourself. I know that you love him but you should love yourself more. And you should go and find someone who will love you as much as you love them. Good luck...keep your head up.
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Forget him love he is playing with your emotions good and proper.
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A
female
reader, Pandora15 +, writes (4 May 2008):
Stop letting him use you perhaps. He knows you have feelings for him while he has a stable gal, so he leads you along making you think he'll leave her and gets some "couple stuff" on the side. You have to respect yourself enough to know that you deserve more then being a side dish, so the next time he sends you those messages, you call him and tell him straight."You are sending two different signals _______. If you want to be with me, then you'll be with me alone. So once you dump J, then you can be with me. Call me then bye."Have some self respect! He obviously chose her over you, because if he wanted you he wouldn't be using you on the side and stringing your emotions along. He isn't the only fish in the sea and it's obvious that you still aren't over him. I advise you to stop the emails, stop the messages and avoid him for a month at the least. That will allow you enough time to get him out of your mind and let the emotions wear away. You will get nothing out of this but more hurt, so keep him out of your life and realize there are billions of fish out in that sea! You are a lovely girl who knows how to communicate well and you deserve better then to be used.When I was in a similar situation, I found that I split the man I loved away from the man who was hurting me by stringing me along. I was sure he'd come back to me and see reason, and he had before messaged and strung me along just like you. I spent months like that, hating her and just wishing he'd chose me..until I realized, I am an entree not a side dish and no man is great if he doesn't appreciate and respect me enough to have me be his one and only. So I give the same advice to you, separate yourself from him and realize he is a user and not as great as you think. You'll find some wonderful Christian guys in the future that will love you for who you are and won't need a J as well.
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A
female
reader, X-Imi-X +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Heya amylkx,What is it with this boy?One minuet he's all over you and the next hes with J?I think he secertly wants you back,But is scared his parents wount aprove,As you say J is the love of all parents,Have you met his parents yet?Please email me privately and we can chat a bit more,I think its a bit personal if you ask me,And i wouldnt like to broadcast it all over the internet!Please email me back and ill try my best to help you!X-Imi-X
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