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Me and my obsessive adopted brother....

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2009) 12 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2009)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

me and my adopted brother are in love with each other. Is that weird? Is it considered as incest? last week, we had our first sex with each other. Its just that, i feel wrong and im scared if my parents found out. Its not easy to just end our relationship because he seems to be obsessed with me. If i do break up with him, he would'nt want to. I love him but it doesnt feel right. What sould i do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009):

It is incest as he was introduced into your family as your own flesh and blood so that you should have had a relationship with him, like thatwith a bloodrelated brother.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey cupids! Thanks for answering my question. I really do appreciate your response. its amazing how a piece of advice can change and save people's life. a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Nikki Kennedy

(Nikki-Heart)

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A male reader, koenig United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2009):

People are saying that this isn't incest. I can't speak for the law in the US, but certainly in the UK and in some other parts of Europe, it would definitely be considered incest by the law. I have read the actual text of the law and I'm certain.

I personally don't see it as that wrong since you're not related. But at the same time, I really would suggest that you end it.

It would be very awkward if your parents found out. The fact that you're in the same house in a familial setting makes it very strange too. In one sense you're essentially siblings but in the other you're lovers. They're two very different types of relationship and I can see that causing conflict.

Think about the future as well. What about when you're older and want to get married or want to have children (or if you get pregnant now!)? How is that going to work with your family and friends? What about your children, won't it be hard for them to understand?

I suppose my view is, although I wouldn't do it myself and although the legality is doubtful, it's not sick and it's not wrong in my eyes. But, it has no future and plenty of bad things could come of it. It may be harmless fun now, but it won't stay that way.

Someone obsessing over you isn't a reason to stay with them, they'll get over not being with you. You've got to make decisions selfishly sometimes.

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A female reader, Constantly-a-Contradiction Germany +, writes (26 June 2009):

Constantly-a-Contradiction agony auntIT IS NOT INCEST. DOnt be ashamed of who you love. Did you know that Theedore Rosevelt married his cousin? and that wasn't considered insest. Yeah, legaly you are brother and sister but not really. Unless you guys grew up together, then that might be a little awkward, but its still perfectly okay. Love is love. Do what your heart tells you. There's a movey where adopted siblings fell inlove too...it was pretty cute...forgot what its called... You might wanna wait until you guys move out to come out with your relationship tho

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009):

Do you live together in one roof with your parents?

I don't know but you should read your law there and what it says about INCEST. If you live here in my country it is wrong. Incest is defined as having sexual relations with anyone in your family whether blood-related or not. As long as you are considered a family by the society.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009):

ignore ANYONE who calls this sick. it is not incest because you arent blood related so honey if you to both love one another dont be ashamed and please dont feel bad. it isnt like you are actual brother and sister but even then people shouldnt feel ashamed etc. REMEMBER you cant choose who you love,love chooses you. peace x

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A female reader, icupcakes237 United States +, writes (23 June 2009):

Talk with him first, then see what he says which will probably be that he doesnt think you should break up in that case i think your parents would understand how strong love is on any circumstances..... besides hes not your blood brother so you shouldnt be bothered

hope it helps

-Falling_for him

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A female reader, ladydela United States +, writes (23 June 2009):

ladydela agony auntwell first of all technically it is incest but as long as you two arent realted...the sex is ok but first of all do you guys live with eachother from seprate rooms? then that would be really awkward i think you should put off the relationship until you guys move out then you guys can be together but i dont think you parents would be happy if you were together under THERE roof.

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A female reader, imcurioustoo United States +, writes (23 June 2009):

Well obliviosly it wasn't right.. He is infact a family member blood related or not and I think the best thing for you to do is sit down an explain to him were family an uncompatible no matter what and it doesn't sit right with me what happend.. Our parents would be furious as well .......

Don't feel bad I've been in a similar situation.. Its just a matter of asking yourself morally was it exceptable?... I suggest you put it behind you and forget it happend .. And ask god for guidance .. There's somone out there for you .. Your adopted bro isn't the one .. So don't feel bad .. Don't beat urself up.. You made a bad choice.. So what?.. Learn from it and try not to make it again ... best of luck .. Maddie

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009):

I have to say reading this gives me the creeps. I gave my daughter up for adoption and just imagining sometime in the future she might have a brother and OMG if they had sex, that is just wrong. He might not be blood, but it's your BROTHER.. Do you honestly think you can have a relationship with him??? Like really!!! NO you cant! You had sex with your brother!!!! Thats kinda sick in sooooooooooooooooo many ways...

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A female reader, cherry cherry boom boom United States +, writes (23 June 2009):

one time I got with my dad's girlfriend's son I liked it but it had to stop cause we are suppose to be family and if you really think about it it's kinda gross. You and him both have to wait for the right unrelated person to come by. This ya girl, peace.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009):

Well.. technically I guess it wouldn't be incest, as incest refers to those of the same bloodline. And you really can't help you feel what about now can you?

Although, something you would spend forever trying to hide form the world, including your parents, doensn't really seem like something that you should be doing. And frankly, it soounds a bit too difficult to be worth it.

If it doesn't feel right, then I think you know what you should do.

But if you really, really want to be with him, then you will need to tough out breaking it to your parents. Somtimes we just have to do what our heart tells us, with or without others' approval.

Goodluck

~SY.

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