A
female
age
30-35,
clairemarie
writes:Hi,I've been with my husband for 10 yrs and married to him for 5 yrs, we have a 6 yr old son together and i have 2 older kids from a previous relationship.My problem is he never wants sex anymore, we used to have a normal healthy sex life but for the last 4yrs or so he is just not interested. We are lucky to have sex 3 times a year and it is getting really frustrating.Six months ago I caught him exchanging sexually explicit text messages with a girl that we both know and when i confronted them about it they both said that they were just messing about and that nothing had happened,unfortunately i don't believe that.Because i needed someone to talk to i contacted my ex who i have always remained friends with and explained the situation,I had a bit of a cry and he gave me a cuddle and before i new it we were kissing and all the years just melted away.Now i am totally confused and don't know what to do i haven't had sex with my ex but i still feel that i betrayed my husband. Please help.
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kissing, my ex, sex life, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 FOr now, say nothing to him about it. He probably suspects that you are getting some on the side since he is not supplying you with affection.
Assuming that there is nothing physically wrong with him (have you tried to talk about it with him?), I would suggest to try to kick start his libido. What has worked for couples that I have spoken to is to attend a swingers club as a voyeur couple only. Sometime just the energy of being in a place where anything can happen, and looking at the people there is enough to rekindle the fire, without touching other people.
As for your ex, keep it at a distance for now. If your husband does have a zero libido, he may be very well telling the truth about not being with the other woman.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil +, writes (8 January 2008):
 I don't think you betrayed him any more than he did you, probably less.
Your husband isn't carrying out his matrimonial duties very satisfactorily is he? 3 times a year? That's about what I was getting before I got a divorce! There's only so much lack of affection a person can take.
Maybe he's having a mid-life crisis or something, but he needs to know that you're far from satisfied with things the way they are. Who could blame you if you did have sex with your ex? I can't honestly say that I would, although I wouldn't recommend it unless you're thinking of ending the marriage.
But on reflection, if I was only having sex 3 times a year with my partner I would almost cetainly be looking elsewhere (which is what I did before) for a spot of satisfaction. It seems to me that's what he might be doing.
Phil
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A
female
reader, AJ jess ^..^ +, writes (8 January 2008):
 i dont think youve honestly done anything worse than he has... you did this for a reason most probably because you were feeling unloved at that time its nice to have a shoulder to cry on sometimes x
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