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Me and my cousin are flirting a lot. I want to have sex with her...

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 July 2008) 39 Answers - (Newest, 16 November 2009)
A male Canada age 18-21, anonymous writes:

okay i am 15 and my cousin is 14 and every time we're together i can't stop thinking about her and we always flirt every time we're together like at our family cottage me her and my sister slept in the top floor of our bunkhouse and me and her were flirting like mad and i really wanted to make a move on her because i don't believe that its wrong but i don't want to face the consequences of rushing into it to quickly, how can i ease her into having sex with me or at least making out, like if i could get her to have sex with me every time we stayed at the cottage i think it would make us way closer but i just don't know how to ease her into it.

View related questions: cousin, flirt, move on

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A male reader, anuroop India +, writes (16 November 2009):

The relationships that God forbade in the Old Testament Law are listed in Leviticus chapter 18, verses 6-18. In that passage, we are commanded not to marry a parent, a step-parent, a grandchild (and, understood, a grandparent), a sibling, a brother or sister of a parent (i.e., an aunt or uncle), or a half-sibling. Marriage between cousins is nowhere forbidden in the Bible.

The relationships that God forbade in the Old Testament Law are listed in Leviticus chapter 18, verses 6-18. In that passage, we are commanded not to marry a parent, a step-parent, a grandchild (and, understood, a grandparent), a sibling, a brother or sister of a parent (i.e., an aunt or uncle), or a half-sibling. Marriage between cousins is nowhere forbidden in the Bible.

MARRYING COUSIN and HAVING SEX WITH HER IS A SECONDRY THING....BUT THE IMPORTANT THING U NEED TO KNOW IS....SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS A BIG BLUNT SIN IN SIGHT OF GOD.

According to 1 Corinthians 7:2, sex before marriage considered sexually immoral: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way.

BE CAREFUL...BUDDY....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009):

ok i'm in the same situation he's my 2nd cousin. listen i'm16 he's 15 i really like him a lot. but i'm 16 my brain just like all teens brain's aren't ready for sex as an emotional guilt. no no no control your self and just tell your self i'm to young right now but if i still feel the same when i'm in my 20's then talk to her about it. your going to regret it you want it right now because of your hormones don't just wait and see if you love her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009):

I can tell you one thing that will work, a massage. if she looks stressed or even bored offer a rub. start with her back, then arms, and finally her legs and slowly work ur way up to her butt and keep rubbin her till shes "relaxed". (works on almost all women)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009):

i feel if you want to have sex, go for it, put be safe and think of the future consequenses. you never what anything is like until you have tried it at least once. plus the goddess doesn't care who you have sex with because she sees it as a beautiful thing. real "sins" are things like killing and stealing. get my point? Good.

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A male reader, unsure,lost Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (2 July 2009):

let me settle this.it is wrong in so many ways.sex is not everything.having it before marrage is a sin.having it with your cousin is wrong.trust me when i say this...you will be the one person who will make her feel like a slut/hoe for the rest of her life.if you do her you will pay for it and so will she.no matter how much you want to ,resist these temptations.if she tempts you don't give in.if she wants it by her own choice.think about what would happen to you how your freinds an family eill look at you both.ask her if she wants to go through all of that.if she says yes an you want to i cant stop you but kno that you will pay.if you love her then do the right thing an keep your distance.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009):

I guess you just have to make a move and you'll know if she wants it or not.

well i started to have sex with my cousin when i'm 14 when my 16 year old cousin raped me in my room when our families had an overnight beach party.

after that he started to ask for it every now and then.. but i like him so i let him do me.

try to make a move maybe she wants it then you can do her often.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009):

its' a strange feeling i know cause im' experiencing it except my situations a little different we kiss and stuff and he says he loves me but just recently he became serious wi this other girl,he made the move on me and i kissed him back and 2 years on i can't get him outta mi head everyday i think of him i don't know whether or not it's guilt or not although he aint' actualli mi cousin hes' mi step-dads' half brothers son so basically half step but it is wierd :-$ so make a move on her whats' the worst that can happen? but get her drunk then if she knocks you back you have an excuse teehee hope i helped you xxxxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009):

Anonymous.

thanks for the answers folk's I'm cured.

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A female reader, sashana Jamaica +, writes (29 April 2009):

sashana agony auntOk we dont have to pretend that your seuxual feelings are unusual.there are many cases like yours but the truth is having sex with your cousin is WRONG,if you feel like having sex do it with some one who is not your family and safe sex always.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009):

INCEST is wrong.. any way you look at it. can you not find anyone that is not related to u that you have to make moves on ur cousins.... come on now... thats just SICK.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008):

I think you should do that hi me and my cousin had sex alot It was great.But is she hot.If you guys are flirting you should ask her if she wants to have sex.If she says yes you have just got lucky.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

Use this to decide. If your a normal person you can always find someone else to screw. This works for every situation! "If you are deciding if you should do things or not. What would people think if you died during the act and then someone else found you." If you could live or die knowing that everyone else knew what you did, go for it. If you died having sex with your cousin what would your family think? probably not well received unless your from the back woods. If you died having sex with a girlfriend. its terrible, but not a bad way to go!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008):

Don't make a mistake. If your cousin is a girl, she will regret it. This is what happen to me. I was 13 and always flirted with my 22 year old male cousin who was married. He took it as an invitation for sex. When I stayed at his home, he came into my room after everyone was asleep. He started to kiss me and I did not rejected.

We had sex and I was a virgin at the time. Days later he wanted sex again and I gave in. I later told him I did not want to do it any more. He got upset. At 18 I married a

wonderful guy who was 20 and a virgin. I reget every day that I was not. I fill guilty not to have waited for sex with my husband. I am 56 years old and to this day, I regret it and bothers me that I gave in to my cousin. Please get that idea out your mind, especially for her sake.

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A male reader, jwilson77  +, writes (19 December 2008):

First let me say if you are under the age of consent for sex then you should not be having sex.Cousins having sex or marring is not incest otherwise it would be illegal and only country I know of where it is illegal is the USA and not in all states, it legal in all of Europe Mexico and Canada. One of the main reason incest is taboo is the fact is the increased chance of birth defects but the increace for cousins is small 2-3% the same as women over 40, should women not have sex? Also there is an increce in birth defects if your parter is same race, and if they are from the same town.If the birth defect thing was a real problem then we would all be deformed as 80% of all marriages through history have been between cousin. Cousins marring is not as common today because people travel more towns are bigger and contraceptives are readily available. The bible does not outlaws cousins, in fact God commanded several people to marry their cousins, and according to research Mary and Joseph were cousins. Read some Jane Austin and you will find that it was considered perfectly fine at that time to marry your cousin in fact parents arranged most of these marriages. It is only in the last few years that cousins couples have started to be considered abnormal. All the royal family of Europe marry cousins not just the British, and all the related.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008):

http://www.cousincouples.com/

Cousin couples is more common that what you think. I was about your age when i started my relationship with my 2nd cousin. No regrets.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008):

man im reading though these comments and a few says that there are laws against incest i no its wacked out but still a law for having sex with a family member honestly ppl arent we all related anyway if u look at it in a scientific way we evolved from animal to animal to animal and before that there could only be to and if u look at it religiously adam and eve where the only people to begin with so wtf do u think there children had sex with monkeys? i dont think so lol just my oponion though

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008):

Coming from experience, I too had those same feelings. I tried to resist but they kept on coming back. If you think of the consiquences first I'm sure you'll change your mind. Try to resist and look at other woman. This will help you get her off your mind. If you still have these feelings, try giving her a hug and she what happens. If you don't think she's coming on to you, then don't come on to her. If you want you could let her come to you. If she doesn't, thats a good sign that she isn't "in" to you. I'm sure if you both start seeing other people and start dating you can more than likely fix this problem.

I hope this helped.

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A male reader, Dr Vendetta United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2008):

Dr Vendetta agony aunt"A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

...I believe the British royal family has been marrying cousins off to each other for a while."

Can i point out that the "British" royals are infact of German desent.

gramted its LEGAL to marry your first cousin ( though new laws are being drawen up to stop this )

third cousin isn't as bad but... christ come on people

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008):

This is infatuation.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

Okay,

As strange as everyone else has made this sound, it's not that uncommon. I believe the British royal family has been marrying cousins off to each other for a while. With that said, MANY people end up in awkward situations like this with people in the family, especially with cousins of the other sex. I myself have been there too.. It's basically fighting a natural urge, with what you think is right and moral. Me and my older 3rd cousin have flirted alot, but I never allowed it to get out of control. Even though, in the circumstance that she wasn't my cousin, I probably would have acted on that urge. I am 20 years old, and we still flirt like crazy like we did when we were in our teens. (She is now 22) I always put it off as harmless fun, but the thought was in the back of my mind, and still is to some extent.

I don't suggest you act on the urge, IF someone else in the family were to find out, it could mean all kinds of problems. But if you get crazy (and I hope at your age you don't) use proper protections, and make sure NO ONE in the family finds out, (i.e. do it when everyone else is asleep or out).

Once again, I suggest you don't.. If I may suggest something radical that helped me.. Masturbate before you see her, it will help calm down those urges a little bit, it might save you from doing something you will regret later..

Stay safe...

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A female reader, Theoneandonlybutterfly United States +, writes (10 July 2008):

Theoneandonlybutterfly agony auntdont do it please take it from someone who know one who did it and its not pretty they had a baby and it was a big problem in the family so dont do it think of her like your sister and get over it please thank u !!

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A male reader, Dr Vendetta United Kingdom +, writes (9 July 2008):

Dr Vendetta agony auntin the defence of "LordFreak"

i think he was trying his hand at sarcasm...

however if you leave the cheeky school boy humore out, it just makes you seem perverted.

mmm school boys...

i rest my case.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (9 July 2008):

O Connor agony auntim sorry but has ANYONE read wat LordFreak said??? oh my god im grossed out to the core....sex with mum, aunt, cousins both male and female. oh god...

poster please dont take the advice of this person.

your still really young and its normal to experience all these sexual urges towards different ppl. in my eyes, having sex with a cousin is something that should never be done, its family, your mother/father's niece - pretty weird. but hey other ppl dont see the problem. either way id ask you to wait, your still a bit young to be having sex anyway.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008):

To be honest, theres a hell of a lot of questions about having sex with cousins on this site, and the majority of the time we say go for it.

I don't really believe its wrong. Whatever the age limit for sex is in that country doesn't stop a number of teens. I think you should read all the advice given, and question your own feelings. I don't personally think you'll become the laughing stock because well, not everyone will hear about it. Possibly just people you know. You can always move IF that happens. And I emphasize on the IF because its seriously unlikely to happen.

By the way, Lord Fear...sexual relations with your mother?! Your aunt?! What were you doing in your childhood?!

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A male reader, Dr Vendetta United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

Dr Vendetta agony auntyou know what slimey, you're right. you've covred your arse. just make sure you do the same in jail.

so on that note. have sex with your cousin. enjoy destroying your family. making your mother cry and then have your dad beat some sence into you.

then your uncle will beat the crap out of you. and then sent to jail for incest. and sex with a minor.

then the newspapers will find out about the story. and when that happens i'll be the first to forward them all this infomation from here.

Further more you'll become the laughing stock of Canada and everyone will know you as the pervert who screwed his cousin. Good luck trying to get a date after that.

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A male reader, Uncle Sneaker United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

Uncle Sneaker agony auntI just checked this out.

Scrazy is absolutely right. The age of consent in Canada was 14, but was raised to 16 in a new law that took effect from 28th February THIS year.

However, there are some exclusions to the new law, that might mean it's not a ciminal offence if the age gap between those having sex is less than two years. It's not straightforward or entirely clear to me in what circumstances this might apply. I stand by my first answer - that sex at the ages of 14 and 15 is not a good idea and may well be illegal, and that sex between cousins of that age is definitely going to cause major problems within the family.

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A female reader, scrazy Canada +, writes (6 July 2008):

scrazy agony auntNo sweetie, the consensual age is 16 - I'm Canadian as well.

And I'm NOT going to help you seduce your cousin! That's wrong! Is she your first cousin? That's blood family buddy, you don't breed with that! I would be more understanding if you were cousin in laws but - Can't you find a girl to have sex with who's not related to you?

I understand that you're a teenager and your hormones are all over the place but - ( I can't believe I'm advocating this...) masturbate away your sexual frustration don't taint your 14 year old cousin!

Do you understand that if your parents find out, you are going to destroy them because you just HAD to sleep with your cousin? You can be CHARGED in Canada for this you know, after age 12, you can be sent to jail!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

oh by the way in canada cousin marriage is legal and the age of consensual sex is 14 so i'm covered on all bases i just want more answers on how to go about it

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A female reader, lushlass93 United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

lushlass93 agony auntpersonally i think having anything sexual wiht your cousions is wrong its like family not normal love

but if you really want to then you should speak with your family first because that could be rtuined your familys relationship you are also under 16 so if you are going to have sex you really should think first

good luck xxx

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A male reader, Uncle Sneaker United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

Uncle Sneaker agony auntYou've had some fairly forceful answers, so I hope I can put it into perspective a little.

Falling in love with your cousin isn't wrong, or dirty, or nasty or anything like that. In the UK you could marry your cousin if you wanted, although I have no idea what the rules are in your country. In some countries it is illegal to marry or to have sexual relations with first cousins or second cousins.

Your problem is mainly that right now you are too young to be considering sex. Realistically, although I wouldn't recommend or encourage it, many youngsters of your age do - and many of them end up with problems, emotional or otherwise. The rules that say how old you have to be to have sex are there for very good reasons: because when you are young your emotions and sexuality are just developing, and however much you think you are completely sure you know what you are doing, it really does take a few more years before you sort out your thoughts properly.

Your position is far more complex than for the average 14/15 year old. If you start a physical relationship with this girl right now, it's not going to go unnoticed. Your family are bound to pick up on it - even if you don't do anything at all anywhere you might be seen, you can't hide the changes in your attitudes to each other that adults will inevitably notice. It's going to be a disaster, and almost certainly you'll end up with someone preventing the two of you seeing each other at all.

So what do you do?

You be friends. You make the most of her friendship, and enjoy her company when you get the chance. You leave the love stuff for quite a few years until you are at an age and in a position when no one can tell you what to do. If you still feel the same way (and you may not, because, as I said, emotions, feelins and sexual desire changes a lot in your teens), then you check that you aren't breaking any laws and you start a relationship if it's legal to do it where you are. Until then, anything physical has to stay as a fantasy. It's the only option for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

Well, if she is flirting back, then that would indicate she is probably interested in having sex with you, so the next time you flirt with each other, kiss her quickly on the mouth, and stay close to her after the kiss, then try another kiss and she if she kisses you back. Then suggest that the two of you should go somewhere where you can be alone. If she's interested, then it will develop from there.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex with her, but you'll probably want to keep it a secret from your family. They might not understand the attraction between the two of you, so keep it to yourselves. The fact that you are seeing in each other secretly will add to the excitement of the relationship. Some cousins have gotten married, Theodore and Eleanor Roosevelt among them, so check the laws in your state to see if it's legal for cousins to marry.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i think ill just go about this myself

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

think about how you will feel the rest of your life knowing you have had sex with your cousin. you won't be able to share this with anyone without getting made fun of. future girlfriends will be disgusted. and family reunions will be awkward.

wait until you find someone outside the family

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A male reader, Lord Fear Australia +, writes (6 July 2008):

Hi i have got to answer this one because i have first hand experience with the question.

I have been in a sexual relationship with my Mother, Aunt & several cousins male & famale......it is the best sex a guy can have.... so if you get a chance go for it

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

thsi is crazy hormones taking control of you. Do NOT act on this, do not try and have sex with her. there are many reasons not to, to point out a few the fact that it is INCEST, she is UNDERAGE and it would probably damage the both of you for the rest of your lives. do not act ont hese feelings, or you will regret it.

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A male reader, Dr Vendetta United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

Dr Vendetta agony aunt"i really wanted to make a move on her because i don't believe that its wrong "

At what point during your day or whacking off into a bowl of potato salad did you think that having sex with your 13 year old cousin is a "Good" idea and isn't "Wrong"... on Every Level.

I got a better idea.

Why have sex with your cousin when you could have sex with your Gran? or your Mom? or Both of them at the same time?

You WILL go to jail. for having sex with a minor AND be chagred with incest. you're looking about 15-20 years jail time.

I'd recommend you learn to deepthroat and buy plenty of lube.

you're gonna need it where you're going.

and say hi toyour cell mate "Jon - king of the plookers" for me.

and remember, theres a Big difference between kneeling down and bending over.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

You need to leave her alone, For starters, she's your cousin (believe it or not your still related so eww) Next, she's only 14. Sounds like your trying to seduce her and asking us advice on how to persuade her to sleep with you. She may only see this as innocent flirting. You should stop trying to keep it in the family so to speak and go out and find a girl

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A female reader, LouLee United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

LouLee agony auntI agree with some of the things Emily has said.

This may destroy your family. What'll happen if you get caught. If you want to make out with her and have sex do it, (only if she wants to too of course) but if you're parents find out, you've gotta face the consequences.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

She's 13!! Sex is COMPLETELY off the menu. I don't care that you are only a year older or if you have done it before. If you cared about her then you wouldn't want her to have sex before she was ready / legal.

Making out is an option but think about this practically. You may not think it's wrong but would your parents? Would hers? You could mess up the entire family because they wouldn't be able to visit the cottage any more. Even if you got together and they were fine about it, what if you broke up and it was messy and horrible? You'd have to see eachother all the time.

If it truly is just about making you closer to her then why not just hold hands first, give her hugs etc. That means far far more to girls than making out. Take things really really really slowly.

She may just enjoy flirting with you. She may only have a crush on you and meet another boy before she's next back there.

Thinks to think about.

Good Luck!! xx

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