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Masturbating in her sleep???

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Question - (8 December 2009) 16 Answers - (Newest, 4 May 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Is it possible that my girlfriend just masturbates in her sleep?

A few times now I have woken up to the my girlfriend moving her hand quickly under the covers over her vagina. She doesnt sleep fully naked.

I have asked her if she was masturabting a few times and she tells me she doesnt know what i am talking about as she has been fast asleep.

I dont knw if she is lying or not. I think she wouldnt have to lie about it but also she wouldnt do it more than once if i questioned her. She is adament that she is asleep and cant explain what she is doing because she has no idea what i am talking about.

Could i have your advice please

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A male reader, Flicker United States +, writes (4 May 2011):

Masterbating in her sleep........ Nothing wrong with it at all. My wife does it sometimes, and is completely unaware of it when awake, but has woke up to it a couple times. Look up sexomnia which is a form of parasomnia (sleep walking). I too questioned it at first, but came to realize it was innocent. Sometimes in her sleep she turns over and starts riding me too(sleeping nude), which was a complete surprise at first as I though she was awake. The clue came to me that she was asleep when she woke up and started yelling at me, accusing me of penetrating her while she was asleep and disrespecting her completely. It took me a while to convince her that she was the one who woke me up to great sex....... it's happened several times along with the masterbating. So I did research instead of worry. My suggestion is to just enjoy the show. Also do not worry about what she is dreaming that causes her to do so, most cases she will be dreaming about sex(with you, or a fantasy movie star), but there have been several cases where my wife woke up explaining weird dreams; for example, she had a dream about killings and gore(we watched a horror film before bed LOL), while at the same time orgasming. I explained she was masterbating again and then she realized why she came to slaughterings(very disturbing of course). Search wikipedia for sexomnia. It will give you an insight into this phenomena.

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A male reader, Polyester! United Kingdom +, writes (2 February 2011):

Forgot to add, she also seems to do it if she's downright horny..... And tired.... at same time. Amazing.

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A male reader, Polyester! United Kingdom +, writes (2 February 2011):

To be honest I'm a guy and my girlfriend does it regularly. I don't necessarily think I SHOULD enjoy what she does in her sleep, far from it I thought she was having convulsions when it first happened. I've talked to guys about it and the running theme is not concern for his manliness in terms of performance as most of you seem to jump to, regularly, but concern for his lack of sleep as a result!! Seriously it's starting to get annoying! 4am Monday morning I do not want the impression the apocalypse is here. But on a more serious note in relation to a comment made earlier, I quickly noticed a pattern; stress, extreme tiredness or sleep depravation (I know, work) or something as simple as a falling out with her sister etc. I'm sure I wi hear something along the lines of 'yeah right you just don't satisfy her' etc, but we are ruthlessly honest in what we want and how it's done. Oh and to the guy who posted, it may be hard to get used to a vibrating bed for twenty minutes each night but screw it she's having fun man! And sometimes are less annoying than others you really can learn to like it sometimes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks again.

as far as her doing this it hasnt occured after we have had sex. it has been at strange times for example 5 oclock in the morning 8 oclock in the morning, a couple of hours after ben in bed etc etc

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (9 December 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntIt sounds like you're becoming a bit more self-aware. I expect the answer will become evident if you give it some time. And try not to take it personally, if it is what I suspect, that it is in her sleep.

If it were something she did while conscious, she would have realized that you were on to her and would have stopped, I think.

Rhythm brought up an interesting point that had crossed my mind but I didn't write it down. That she isn't fully satisfied by the sex and is finishing things by doing the surreptitious thing. If this is the case, try not to be angry, as women's sexual response can be tricky and orgasms elusive. Most women don't reach orgasm through intercourse, remember. Avoiding confrontation is a big motivation to keep things secret.

I think if you have patience, the answer will become apparent to you. Stay calm in the meantime! Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks i found those two answers much more useful than people saying im paranoid and too bothered about her masturbating.

well you see i thought that once, if she was awake then i would join in, so i put my hand down below but she simply shrugged it off and turned over. it sort of all adds fuel to my fire if she is doing this secretively.

to be honest im more inclined to think that she is telling the truth the more i think about it.

i do my best to keep the communication lines open however when i feel im right i tend to be stubborn and defensive like you mentioned!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

I like Tisha's last idea, see if she is awake and she will let you join in. There is one other possibility that no one here has mentioned.

Did this occur after a round of lovemaking? It could be that she was not able to orgasm through intercourse and she is finishing herself off after she thinks you are asleep. If she is the type to fake orgasms to protect your ego or to cover her insecurity about not being able to orgasm, she may just be taking care of it her self out of a desire not to confront the issue.

It is a long shot this could be the reason, so if she is awake when you notice her doing it and join in, then maybe that would solve the problem for both of you.

Keep thi lines of communication open, your defensive stance on this subject worries me.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (9 December 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntI would be very surprised if she carried on masturbating knowingly after you asked her about it. If you can't take her word for it, then maybe you do have too deep a trust issue.

Or I could be completely wrong and she is waiting until she thinks you are asleep and masturbating then. It does seem rude. But I do know that involuntary sexual sensations happen when you're asleep, so I can believe her, personally.

Why not ask her that if you see her doing it again, the sleep masturbating, if she would mind if you joined in if you happen to be awake? See what she says to that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i am simply asking for the likelihood of wether or not she is masturbating in her sleep or if she is awake next to me doing it secretly.

if she is doing it secretely that does annoy me. not because she is masturbating but because it is a deceiving act, pretending to be asleep to carry out this action then to put the cherry on top.. lie to me when i ask her about it.

i dont live with this girl or anything i have recently spend quite a few nights with her recently therefore i could understand more probably if she didnt have her own time etc but she does. if i am to not be involved in her masturbating i would prefer to not be there.

i personally wouldnt masturbate next to her whilst she was asleep i would want her to be involved if i felt the urge so bad to do it.

this is all if she is masturbating whilst awake, if asleep i can understand that she has no control over it. maybe it is a trust issue because i dont believe her answer when i asked her and she said she was fast asleep.

however the only reason i dont believe this is because i saw the covers moving with my own two eyes. so in my brain its harder to accept that she was just asleep.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (8 December 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntThat's odd, I don't recall ever telling a man he couldn't look at porn if he so chose. Did I sleep-write something?

I've woken up in the middle of having an orgasm; does that mean I've been masturbating? I have no earthly idea, as there was no one else in the bed at the time to tell me.

This obviously is driving you crazy; why, I don't know, but you need to come to grips with your jealousy of her sleeping hand. It has nothing to do with you. Oh, wait, maybe THAT'S the problem? That there's something sexual going on that doesn't involve you?

Maybe the solution is to move to a different bed at night, so it doesn't bother you any more. Or break up with her because she's sleep masturbating. I like Oldersister's idea of a sleep aid to help you zzzzzzzz through the nocturnal activities.

But as far as sleeping orgasms go, yep, they can happen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009):

BeingBlack, there is a huge difference between doing something you have no control over, in your sleep and doing something when you are wide awake and having choice in the matter.

The reason women don't feel good about porn is because they feel cheated on, especially women who aren't getting enough sex because their man has worn out his parts jerking himself to pictures of other women...now that feels like he has clearly a choice to make. Pics or the girlfriend...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009):

Why the hell do you care? And yes you have already asked this question, what is the answer you are looking for then maybe we can give it so you'll stop asking :)

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A male reader, Beingblack United Kingdom +, writes (8 December 2009):

Beingblack agony auntHaving read this question, and the previous one (mysteriously, this was also posted by an anonymous male aged 18-21 from the UK), I also have to question your motives.

If you awoke, to find your girlfriend masturbating, why does it disturb you so much? She can masturbate if she wants to. Does it make you feel like you are not 'man enough' for her her? Or does it freak you out that she might be dreaming about Brad Pitt, Rob Pattinson, or her favourite boy band? It shouldn't matter. Whatever she does in her sleep (or in bed next to you when wide awake), enjoy it.

There is a condition called 'sexsomnia' which people use to describe sexual activity during apparent deep sleep. This condition does exist, and several studies have confirmed cases, including men having full sex with their partners, and one Canadian woman masturbating for hours every night, disturbing the hell out of her husband.

Check out www.sleepsex.org and 'sexsomnia'

One final note of interest. The other question had 20 responses, 16 from females. They mostly advised that the anonymous male should stop being paranoid, stop creating a problem where none exists, and stop feeling so damned insecure about the whole thing. After all, it (sort of) has nothing to do with him, it's a different sort of release. Let her masturbate to her heart's content.

So ladies, if that is your general thinking, why so many questions here about the porn issue?

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (8 December 2009):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIs it possible you have already asked this question, and that this is a wind up?

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-thought-of-what-my-girlfriend-does-in.html

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A female reader, old-spinstah United Kingdom +, writes (8 December 2009):

Yes, it's possible to masturbate in your sleep. It's also possible to scratch and twitch. It's also possible to go to the loo, take shower, make tea and drive a car (although this is pretty rare.) Twitching IS very common as we drift in and out of various stages of sleep and in many cases this twitching may be repetitive or rhythmical for short periods.

So she might be masturbating, scratching or twitching. Whatever's happening, she's asleep and has no control over it.

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A female reader, Anonymous_NF  +, writes (8 December 2009):

Anonymous_NF agony auntIt is possible that she was dreaming. Does she masturbate in general?

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