A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Fifteen years ago I met this guy at work. We were both in our mid 20’s. We dated for two years and towards the end of those two years I got pregnant. The relationship was already starting to crumble. I ended up not having the baby and hated myself for what I did up to today. The relationship ended because he was headed down hill and his drinking was out of control. I rushed into another relationship really fast and ended up getting married. I’ve been married almost 12 years and have two beautiful children but I struggle everyday with my marriage because I am not in love with my husband. I don’t think I ever was in love with him. Seven years into my marriage my ex contacted me and we chatted for a few months but we lost touch because I had a lot on my plate. It’s been almost six years since the last contact and again he’s back into my life. He had all the nicest things to say and now wishes he hadn’t mess things up. I’m the one that got away and he regrets it terribly. We have been chatting for about two months now and at first I did put the brakes on but he kept pushing and pushing and these conversations took on a life of its own. We even made plans to meet up at the end of next month. However, this week he stepped on the brakes and changed his mind because he said this is not how he wants to do this and he needs to respect the fact that I am married and if that changes we can revisit this again. I know my marriage has been failing long before he came back into the picture. I am not unhappy but I am no happy either. After he put the brakes on I basically told him off and said I can’t do this because I felt like he was sending mixed signals. I can’t get him out of my mind and even through the years we haven’t been together I thought about him. He is still single at age 40 with no kids. He tells me he can’t find anyone like me and no one he meets compares to what we had. I am so confused and don’t know what to do.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 June 2014):
 The first thing to do is to have acceptance for the abortion. It was a good decision so no need to beat yourself up anymore. You may want to be with that guy because you think to revisit that relationship it means salvaging the mistakes you both made. The second step is to be happy by yourself, not with a man or through a man. If you can be happy then you can make a decision whether it is worth it to stay with your husband. You are not in love with the actual person he is, or what happiness he had brought you, but what you hope it had turned out to be. If there is a thing to discourage you from getting back to him, it is this: you moved on quickly with your husband to forget about him. Your kids will always be a reminder that you did this to him, instead of waiting for him to heal and be a better man. I don't blame you for having left him, any woman would do. It's just that these are the things that would run in his mind constantly, that he is not good enough and you might leave him again which worries him.
Your husband probably wants to know about the emotional affair, and your not-so-happiness. He deserves some honesty so both of you can make a joint decision on a divorce or working things through. If a divorce does take place, you have a lot of men to choose from. It doesn't have to be that guy. Although that guy doesn't sound very good.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 June 2014):
So an ex smooth talked you and you conveniently forgot your past... Doesn't exactly sound like the makings for a healthy new relationship.
I think the right thing to do here is to put an honest effort into your marriage. You may have made a mistake, but for the sake of the kids you need to try to make things work. Go out on dates. Do fun things together, learn new things. If nothing helps then go ahead and leave, but it should have nothing to do with this new guy.
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