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Married man, watching gay porn and wanting to try sex with a man

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Marriage problems, Pornography, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 August 2011) 9 Answers - (Newest, 18 August 2011)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Male married for 26 years. The last 5 or so years, I have started looking at gay porn. I love to see two or more men together and want to try it myself. I bought myself a large dildo and love to use it on myself. I have never cheated on my wife but I really want to see what man to man sex is all about. My wife does not like to have sex but maybe 2 or 3 times a year lately anyway. What do you think I should do?

View related questions: cheated on my wife, dildo, gay porn, porn

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011):

I'm a woman in a relationship with a man. We have sex together. If I found out he had man to man sex behind my back, I would be livid!

Stop wasting her time, as one poster wrote... let her move on with her life with someone that loves and respects her.

You don't deserve her. Go to a gay bar and find someone, AFTER you let her go.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011):

If you would like to experiment with a man, you should ask yourself the question wheather your wife would think this as cheating. If not, and you're sure of the answer, then go for it.bt if your not sure, then you will have to clear this with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011):

Thank you for your answers and opinions.

I really love my wife and I am going to try to talk to her soon about my bi-curious urges. I hope she will understand and be open about it. If not, I am going to try my best to stop watching gay porn and try to see what I can do to get her interested in sex more often.

It is not menopause because she has had hardly no interest in sex for more than 10 years. I dont think it has nothing to do with me because when we do it she goes crazy during foreplay and sex. Thanks again for the responses.

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A male reader, AvgGuy1 United States +, writes (4 August 2011):

AvgGuy1 agony auntWell... doing it with a guys is no less cheating than doing it with a woman.

You need to really figure out whether you're actually bi/gay and then decide what you want to do.

if your wife is open to it... you might be able to have an open relationship (she can have sex with others... as can you). Otherwise you either put away the porn (gay or straight) and try to figure out how to get your wife more interested, you have an affair (so to speak) on the side - which in and of itself can/will present itself problematic... or you come out to her and move on (get a divorce, etc).

Sorry I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear but seriously only you can know for sure what opportunities/decisions are available and whether or not you can exercise any of them.

Good Luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011):

please dont waste your wifes time or yours anymore.. obviously your in the closet and should let her go....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011):

is your wife going through menapause?

i think right now even if your wife was interested in sex, u wont be, with her.

so the question u need to ask yourself: are u gay and have you been living a lie for the last 26 years.

u need to make a decision whether your desire to experience sex with another man is worth the pain and the humiliation to your wife. if you have been gay all through your marriage then it is very cruel of you to now make the announcement of your sexual preference. 26 years of marriage as a lie??

you started cheating 5 years ago when u replaced her with gay porn. just think about it.

Now it is a mere formality.....

LoveGirl

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011):

Well, doing something like that would involve cheating, are you really willing to cheat on your wife?

The best way to act on your curiosity is to ask you wife if she would allow such a thing, maybe have a threesome with a bisexual man even. This way it can add a spark to the bed room for both of you.

Apart from being upfront and speaking to her, you'd have to cheat. It's up to you.

Good Luck!

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A female reader, VSAddict United States +, writes (2 August 2011):

VSAddict agony auntSince your wife's not really interested in sex, it's most likely that she wouldn't experiment with another person in the bedroom. Do you know if she would maybe consider letting you experiment once with a guy? You need to tell her how you feel and what you want in the bedroom. Even though you're not intimate often, she still should know what you want and like. If she's not open to this idea, then you're just going to have to stick to watching videos.

If this is something that you really feel you must try and you plan to sometime, then you have to think about giving up your marriage for a few mins of sexual excitement. I'm sure your wife wouldn't want to be cheated on and it would be better if you were unattached if you ever try this. So would you rather try this or give up on someone who's loved you for 26 yrs? Not trying to make you feel guilty, just asking what you really want.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011):

although i do NOT in anyway condone cheating, you do only live once and i think in this life we should live without regrets. my motto is, il try anything once!

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