A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I became friendly with a married man i met on holiday, we started texting when we got back and ended up teting all day and speaking on the phone when we could. He said he has always been unhappy in his marriage and that he never was sure about marrying her. He said I was his perfect partner and he wishes he met me when he was single. We carried on chatting, sending each other pictures (not dirty ones). We tried to cut off talking but niether of us could do it. His wife found text messages from me, but he managed to get out of it. She even phoned me and I said nothing was going on. This guy always tried to meet me and I said no as he was married and it was wrong. In the end he decided to end his marriage and we met up a couple of times and kissed and he decided he wanted to be with me. A couple weeks later she moved out and we met up again. He said he was worried his family wouldn't accept me as everyone would think he left her for me and we had an affair etc. He even hinted that if his dad said he had to give his wife another go, then he felt that he needed to do that. The next time we met up we got an apartment and decided to spend the night together, we did everything but sex. But halfway through the night, his wife turned up and I had to hide and I found out he has decided to give it another go with her, but didn't tell me and still came to see me on the day she moved back in. he said he didn't know how to tell me and he he felt no one would accept me and good luck in the future. Now after all that saying he loved me etc he doesn't speak to me and hasn't contacted me. Was I used?
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affair, married man, moved out, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Satine +, writes (6 October 2012):
Stay away from married men. Not only for moral reasons but also because to be with you he would have to cheat on his wife. what would keep a man like that from cheating on you? He's nothing but a selfish ^^^^e using all of the women in his life.
A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Yes you were used but be thankful that he won't get the chance to use you again.
Learn from this that you are worth so much more and pity his wife, like I do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Well he definitely, obviously wasn't sure about you, otherwise he would have made sure he didn't go back to his wife, and that he made it stick with you. To be honest, it sounds like he was testing other waters because he's not happy with his wife, but at the same time, feels obligated to be with her because no one would accept another woman in his life other than her.
It doesn't entirely seem as though he used you (to me anyway), because as you said, you only met up 2 or 3 times, and you didn't even have sex once...so its not like he really got what he wanted from you, "FUN", and then just ditched you.
The bottom line is, you can't have him legitimately, and for as long as it would only have been an affair, there would always be that instability, and chance he would return to his wife.
You should be looking towards finding a single guy who is ready to settle down with ONE woman (you) and forget playing risky games.
And who knows anyway, if you and this guy ever did get together, who is to say he wouldn't do the same to you, if he can do it to his wife?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Yes, sorry you were used but if he can cheat on his wife, he can certainly cheat on you. A cheat is a cheat and they don't decide that they will treat one good and one unfairly, they have a bad character.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2012):
 Oh he REALLY used you. He NEVER really ended it with his wife - I am willing to bet.
He played you.
So what can you take from this? STAY away from married men. It RARELY ends with a "happy ending" for the OW (other woman - you).
You should have known better.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Never get involved with a married man. They've got too much to loose, their wife, their family, their house, their friends, their comfortable lifestyle and routines, their money etc.etc. He genuinely liked you but he wasn't available. Learn and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Absolutely you were used.
Typical cheater actions. Save yourself future grief, and learn from this mistake. Never, ever get involved with a married man, no matter what kind of BS he throws your way (or a "claiming to be separated" man either). If this guy was so unhappy in his marriage, he should get out of it, not seek out other women. Typical cheating coward. Don't be a part of the problem, because you getting involved was not the solution for anyone. Just think if the tables were turned and you were the wife dealing with a man like this.
Even if this guy did leave his wife to be with you, eventually he would do the same thing to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): "Married man left his wife for me, but then gave it another go with her without telling me! Was I used?"
Not as much as his wife was used.
You knew from the start he was a married man was cheating on his wife with you.
You have no way of knowing if/when wife found out he was cheating on her with you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Of course you were used, you were just daft enough to believe that he was going to leave his wife for you.
NEVER get involved with a married man, regardless of whether its just 'talking' or not, that is still an emotional affair. If you meet a married man that claims to have left his wife already, then you need to make sure that the divorce is nearly complete before you get involved, otherwise there is always a risk he will go back to the wife.
You have only known this man a short time, you dont know his history with his wife - all you know is the lies that he was telling you to make him fall for you. He was telling you everything you wanted to hear (I wish I met you when I was single, I'm not happily married etc) - these were lies, just to make you fall for him. He was obviously attracted to you hence why he had an emotional affair with you, but clearly loved his wife and had no intentions of ever being without her. You were just a distraction from his boring every day life, a bit of fun that was never meant to last. He knew that, but it seems you were too blind to see it too.
Learn your lesson - simply dont go near married men unless they are finalising their divorce, and even then still be wary of them!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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