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Married friend wanted sex, I refused and said I could only offer friendship and now he's conveniently disappeared!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Sex, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2014) 12 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi. I'd like some advice about something that I think I already know the answer to.

Recently a guy friend, who is now married, got in touch and asked if I'd like to meet up over the holidays. I'm also now in a relationship and told him this. He's been hinting about sexual things, as we used to have a sexual relationship when we were single.

I've kept laughing it off and reminding him that he's married and I'm only willing to offer friendship.

Last night we made plans to go and see and see a movie. At first he said about coming over to mine, to cuddle in my bed to which I replied that that was out of the question. He then said we could go to the movies instead but he didn't have transport. I said we could go by train to which he agreed. I told him to message me this morning about times etc and he said he would.

It is now mid day and he's conveniently disappeared. I've sent him a whatsapp message asking him what's happening and that I would have appreciated him letting me know what was happening but haven't had any response.

I'm being stood up, right? What should I do?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (31 December 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntare the married male friends men you used to have a casual sexual relationship with?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2014):

I have male friends who i hang out with. I didn't see it as that odd. Clearly he had no intention of going to the movies anyway.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (31 December 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntdoesn't it strike you as ODD that a recently married man wants to go to the movies with a friend and NOT HIS WIFE?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2014):

OP here.

I know what you're saying. The guy's always been a flirt so that's why I tried to laugh off his advances. I thought that we could genuinely be friends. It wouldn't have been a movie "date". He said there were some good things on at the cinema and we could go and see something. I honestly wasn't looking for anything other than friendship. If I was I would have agreed to him coming over to mine.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2014):

Such a nice guy to have around you...someone who will out right ask for sex whilst married...he's really a friend worth hanging onto isn't he...

Please, respect yourself more and refuse to be in touch with such a complete asshole. Also, you say you're in a serious relationship, I suggest if you care about your partner you don't rekindle friendships that have a sexual history it's just disrespectful to your new partner.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (30 December 2014):

Two people, one married and one in a serious relationship, one of them begging the other to have sex and the other making movie dates, both presumably without the knowledge of their partners?

Yeah, what on EARTH is wrong with that?

*Rolls eyes*

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (30 December 2014):

eyeswideopen agony auntRemember that game called "Hot Potato" we played as kids? I bet you thought it was tons of fun. Someday when you are married, and find out your husband is cheating, you may change your opinion.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (30 December 2014):

So he sent you a smiley text. So? What are you going to do?

My guess is you'll ignore the advice and keep carrying on with this married man.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (30 December 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou ignore the scum bag.

he's just trying to get a lit bit of "somethin' somethin' on the side" as we say here.

he's not a friend at all.

I would ignore him from now on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2014):

OP here.

He's literally just sent me a reply now saying "hey :-) " like nothing happened.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (30 December 2014):

What are toy doing trying to make a movie date with a guy who is married, who has made it clear he wants to have sex with you, when you yourself are in a relationship? Did you tell your guy you were going on a movie date with a guy who is married and begging you for sex?

This is so inappropriate I can barely wrap my mind around it. You are clearly flattered by the attention and wanting more of it.

My advice: don't contact him again, and dont respond if he contacts you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntIgnore him, block him of all media and phone.

The dude was NOT being a FRIEND, he was JUST trying to get laid. He's out looking for someone else, since you turned him down.

What a sleaze. I think I'd make him disappear completely from my life. Why keep such a cheating man-skank around?

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