A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for a bit over a year and find myself no longer in love with my wife. I find myself in love with someone else who I know has feelings for me but because I'm married I haven't persued this individual as much as I would like. I went out to the club this saturday and saw her dancing to a slow song with another person. I couldn't stand it and Calmly walked out side like nothing happen and just left even though I came with a lot of friend. I care deeply for my wife but find that I not sure we were meant to be. I feel really stupid and need some advice what to do. I don't want to stay in a relationship for like 10 years when it was never ment to be so I'm thinking about ending my marriage while both of us are still young. The problem is my wife loves me so much it's hard to think what my decision would do to her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): How could you do this to your wife? You have only been married a little over a year!!! If you were not sure you should have not wasted your wife's time. Lets just say you leave your wife for this crush you have on this other women, whose to say you won't do the same to her? You don't know what you want. You should go to counsling to sort out your feelings. I gaurantee that if your wife did that to you it would not feel good. I think you are being imature. You should think like a man is supposed to think. The only good thing is that you havent acted on any of your feelings. This crush is not worth your marrige. Think before you do something you may regret.Trisha,Chicago
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): Come on now you were sure you loved her a year ago whats changed? Probably that you butt is in the club instead of at home with your wife where you should be! Once you get married you have to let that single lifestyle go or you will never move forward as a married couple. You cannot keep hanging at the club and with the boys,and you have no business even trying to talk to another woman. You made your comittment for better or worst-do better before you make things worst.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 Are you sure its love and not lust you feel for this woman?
Your poor wife she is totally oblivious of your infatuation NOT LOVE you feel for this other woman, why did you get married to her in the first place, when you had no intention of making this marriage work. No way do you tell your wife how you feel, this will leave her devastated and make her feel she in some way has failed you as a wife. Try putting yourself in her shoes,imagine she comes home one day and says "I'm in love with someone else i don't love you anymore" Do you see where I am coming from? This other woman may have feelings for you, but she has'nt exactly done anything about it maybe because , she knows you are FORBIDDEN FRUIT and if she had any sense she will not act on her feelings either.
You owe it to your wife, to take a long hard look at yourself and your marriage. Don't throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble, you may regret it later.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (6 August 2007):
Hi,
Your marriage vows were about sticking together forever, come what may – I assume. I’m not about to suggest that you stay in a miserable marriage, but you need to try a bit harder than this. You are the only one that knows whether you made a big mistake in marrying, no one else can decide for you. Why did you get married? Did you just end up engaged because you were the right age, and it was expected of you? Or did you really believe she was the one at the time? If you really thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, then I think you should take some time before you end the marriage.
The first year of marriage can be difficult for all couples when they realise that not all their fantasies about wedded bliss came true. If you had very high expectations of marriage, maybe the reality has been a bit of a let-down for you? If this has happened to you, it doesn’t mean that your wife is not the right one, or that you can’t make your marriage work.
Maybe you are in love with the other woman – or in lust with her – because she is not the everyday woman that your wife is to you now. You see her out and about looking her best, free, single, and carefree. You don’t see her first thing in the morning before she has brushed her hair or put on makeup; you don’t see her tired after a difficult day; you don’t have to deal with her family or friends. But if you were married to her, you would find that she is just as normal and ‘average’ as is your wife.
If you end this marriage and get together with the other woman – or someone else – exactly the same thing could happen again after a few months. It would be better to talk to your wife about your fears, and see if you can make things better together.
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A
female
reader, Unique1  +, writes (6 August 2007):
Your decision would definately destroy her completely! Iif you care that "deeply" as you say, why are you thinking of leaving? I can assure you one thing: If you leave and one thing goes wrong with your "new" darling, you will find yourself wanting to go back to your wife and missing your wife terribly. I think you need to think deeper about whether that other girl is just a flirt, if you are thinking about her just because you cant have her just now..... You also need to think how well off would you be without your wife. Ask yourself- do you truly want to be with your wife? Did something change between you two so your feeling like your not in love anymore?I hope this helps you little or at least can help you think more.... Good luck
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (6 August 2007):
 HiWhat a nightmare. Its awful when you fall out of love with someone and dont know how to tell them. Was in that situation myself a few years back.You really do have to just do it though. Like you say, its good that you are both young and she does deserve someone that can love her back.As for the other woman, i wouldnt go there. Atleast not til its sorted with your wife. If you are worrying about hurting your wife by leaving dont make it worse for her by having an affair first!You probably just see her as an escape at the moment anyway.If shes smooching with someone else, do you want her anyway?Good luckC xxxxx
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