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Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 October 2016) 8 Answers - (Newest, 5 November 2016)
A female United States age 41-50, *tine733 writes:

Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up after reconnecting on facebook 2 mths ago, what does that mean?

We werent really exclusive before, but just friends with benefits ( a lot of sexual connection between us) and i ended it after 6 mths coz i wanted something more, feelings started to develop. So i stopped talking to him. 4 mths later after that, he left me a long text mssg apologizing and wanting me to call him back but I never did. Twelve years has passed ( I am now 33 and he's 38) and ive been looking for him on FB for so many years, and he just popped up 2 mths ago, now married with a son. The next day he messaged me and asked for my number and been wanting to meet up really bad, but i kept making excuses that i cant because im too nervous to show myself now. Why does he want to meet so bad? I still have feelings for this guy.... he only texts me every 2 weeks to see how im doing and hoping that im free to meet up. He said he has no bad intentions and just want to be friends, but Ive been starting to obsess over him, and cant stop thinking of him everyday. Those flashbacks and memories are coming back. He did mention on text "How nice it would be to be young again."

View related questions: facebook, friend with benefits, text

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A male reader, mmj Virgin Islands - British +, writes (5 November 2016):

mmj agony auntThis guy thinks you are easy and will be up for some free stress release for him. He is a married creep looking for some easy action with his former fwb.One thing is for sure, you are not the only ex fwb he has reached out to for some extra fun.

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A female reader, Flabby Thighs United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2016):

So I agree with the wise words of the all the other replies, definitely do not pursue this one. Bad news. There will always be men that tempt us.. but be strong.. don't give in. Be polite but tell him to jog-on. Best wishes.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, this is NOT an OLD friend who wants to catch up, this is a guy you used to have a CASUAL sexual relationship with and it ended because he didn't want more, and you did.

Do you really think he wants more now? Well? 1. he is married and 2. if he was looking for "friendship" would he ONLY be talking to you every two weeks to check and see if you are available to meet up?

Don't fool yourself or waste your time on a guy who has NOTHING to give.

Block and move on.

How would YOU feel if you were married and your husband was looking up past FWB partners? Hmm? Bet you wouldn't like that, so don't BE "that" woman.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (25 October 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Brrrr... don't even go there. He says he has no " bad " intentions ? It's a lie, what intentions could he have. Dusting up an old " friendship " ?... Yeah,.. because you were such great ,close, solid friends, ... that's why you haven't seen each other for 12 years .... Uhm, no, you weren't friends even then, you were just casual sex partners, or FWBs. It was about sex, not about friendship. As it would be now. Only, he is married.

Maybe you are feeling lonely, or sexually frustrated, - there's nothing wrong at all in that, you are human, and if it is a while that you are single, it's absolutely normal that you long for emotional and physical gratification. BUT, you have a see of SINGLE guys to fish from, whether it be for a relationship or just for an adventure- without humiliating yourself and complicating your life by scratching the itches of a married guy.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2016):

N91 agony auntMy guess would be his marriage isn't going too great and he needs some excitement outside his marriage. You guys were never 'friends', you were two people who used to have sex and ended on poor terms. Do you really think he's looking for friendship?

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (25 October 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntOh God! Block this guy immediately, if not sooner. He's nothing but bad news and looking to start a little something on the side and you're vulnerable as hell. He wasn't ready to commit then, he won't commit to you now... And you'll make a mess of your life. Do you want to spend your days being a dirty little secret to a married man?

Please block him on Facebook immediately (another example of Facebook doing more harm than good) and block his number. Don't talk to him however tempted you might be. I don't understand why people have this need to ruin a perfectly good life when they know the outcome will never be good?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016):

He's trying to start up an affair with you. It is so obvious.

Steer clear of this one.

You are going to be devastated in the end.

What you did in the first place was the right thing to do. You ended it when feelings started to develop. You were very smart. Now, don't be stupid and fall into the trap you were smart enough to avoid all along.

You are thinking of him constantly. The feelings are coming back. Yes, of course he is hoping this will be the case. He is playing you. Right into his hands. Can't you see that? He is probably already bored of his wife and looking to rekindle some excitement with an old flame. Only problem with this is after he uses you, he will go back to his wife. You, on the other hand, are going to be burned by the flame and completely heart broken.

Keep the door shut. Unfriend him on Facebook. Tell him you wish him well and say goodbye. And stick to it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016):

Leave it alone. He's married with a kid.

Married-men shouldn't be looking up old FWB's and wanting to meet-up with them.

Avoid the drama. Keep your distance.

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