A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help!!! I'm sooooo confused about what's happening to me.I'm married 4 years, in committed relationship for 11 years total. My wife is a beautiful, caring woman and recently we've been having a few problems.Most of the problems, like communication and emotional intimacy were always there, but never became real issues in our daily lives until I found myself crushing on a woman at my work.Not sure what it is about this woman. I find her appealing physically of course, but i meet, and enjoy looking at attractive women all the time yet i don't crush on them. Nothing more than a "yep, she's not bad at all!" and that's it.Worst part is, I'm pretty sure she likes me too! She's not ripping my clothes off, but she's always hanging around, flirting, teasing and touching and shows body language that tells a pretty specific story...not to mention the occasional comments that convey interest such as "One day I'm gonna make you my man" or "if we had children, they'd be the best looking kids ever". I mean WTF???????????????So at least now you know I'm not making this all up in my head all by myself and carrying on with a ridiculous fantasy that's completely fabricated.This has completely taken me by surprise. Even though I don't think she's a particularly good choice for a relationship, I can't help wondering what it'd be like to kiss her or perhaps more, and i even find myself wanting to be put in that situation.In short I'm loving the attention I get from this woman, and the same kind of attention i get from my wife doesn't seem to have any effect.I know I should stay faithful to my wife, and I do love my wife. I'd be devastated if my wife had this problem, and I'm kinda hating myself for what I'm feeling so why is this happening to me and what can i do, read, download, etc that can help me make sense of this weird whirlwind of feelings going on inside me right now?Please help. I'm gonna explode soon. Thanks for listening.
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male
reader, eddie  + ♥, writes (25 August 2009):
 I'm not sure about wht books you could read but I'm sure you cold find one. I've found it's important to keep your marriage fresh. It's very easy to take eachother for granted and become complacent. Maybe your wife is in that rut, maybe you are. If so, that only magnifies the attention you get from another woman. The attention reafirms your power as a man. It reminds you that you still exist outside your marriage.
I think communication is important. If there are problems in the marriage, deal with them. Do not let them fester and become out of control. You need to remember you will always, from time to time, meet people you connect with. So what? It's just a feeling and it should come a no surprise. It can bruise the ego of your partner, should they find out, but it's true. Just enjoy the feeling of kowing you've still got iy and focus on making your wife feel like the wooman you saw when you first met. Redirect your efforts that way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmmmmm.....great post. "The grass is greenest where you water it" ... that's wisdom for sure.
Thankyou for not slagging me off. At least I know now that it isn't all that strange.
I gotta sort myself out. I need to *learn how* to identify what I'm getting from this other woman that I'm not getting from my wife. I need to *learn why* this happened in the first place and how i can turn it around.
How does one process these feelings and perhaps redirect them to their spouse? Are there any books that could be particularly helpful in achieving this?
Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, eddie + ♥, writes (24 August 2009):
I'd bet this happens to everyone. It is normal and we're wired to feel these feelings. You can not help how you feel, only how you behave. So far everything is working out OK. You've felt something, again that's normal, and here's the good part, your conscience stepped in to help you put the brakes on. That is good.
Relationships are commitments, deals, agreements etc. We decide to put all our eggs in one basket and move forward. Think about it, here's an example...You're married for 20 years, best marriage ever, you only desire and love your wife, she's perfect, you can't imagine life without her....She dies suddenly, you grieve and two years later you're in a new relationship and in love like a teenager !! That new person you love now was always out there somewhere. You just weren't looking for anyone.
In other words, we always have the potential to love/desire another. As long as we get what we need from our marriages, we don't usually look elsewhere. This person you're attracted to could potentially be a great partner for you, but so could many others you haven't met yet. Get the point? If we didn't have relationships we'd be running away everytime we met someone else we like. That may work on a physical level but it's not the most importanat part life. Time is the ivestment that really adds up to something in a relationship. It is a big block in the foundation of what who we are.
As I always say, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the hill. It's greenest where you water it. So water the grass you already have, find out how to make your marriage better. Attention from another person alwasys feels good, boosts your confidence etc. It's really just a tiny part of what is really inportant though.
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