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*osh44
writes:how do you know when your making love and not having sex, Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2016): Hi JoshAll of us want to feel loved and wanted, even if sometimes we want it only for one hour. If we needed only the physical sensation, wouldn't masturbating be enough? Well this is my perception: Situation 1: You meet an attractive woman, wish to have sex and celebrate your 'manhood' and her 'womanhood'. You both think you are in a relationship, have a great sex life and think you are in love. Enter scene: you lose your job or she loses her attractiveness. All hell brakes loose. Conclusion: all this while you both were having sex, not making love.Situation 2: You meet an attractive woman, wish to have sex and celebrate your 'manhood' and her 'womanhood'. You both think you are in a relationship, have a great sex life and think you are in love. Enter scene: she looks less attractive than before but you still love her and the sex is as amazing as it was before. One day however, you lose your job and become depressed. She calls you a loser and treats you like one. Conclusion: All this while, you were making love to her, but she was only having sex with you. Making love, is when the love goes beyond the bed, into the rest of your day. Caring about how the other person feels, loving the person more when they're low, not misusing the power you have to impact their emotions and intending to love each other for as long as there is no strong reason to break up. Having sex is when the love is conjured for an hour between two people, it's almost like a role play game where you are the man she is the woman and you two have sex acting as lovers. The moment you step out of the sex, *poof* suddenly one of them or both of them are incapable of carrying out this role of a lover in other aspects of life. Sometimes you may end up having sex and making love to the same person at different points, depending on the stage of relationship you are in.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2016): Caring Aunty, your response made me laugh! I have to agree!It's interesting because just today I was thinking the very same thing.Anytime you want something from a man and want him to say YES, make sure you blow him away in the bedroom first and he will agree to anything you want!! LOL IT'S TRUE!I think you can tell when you are having sex whether it is just sex, which is completely unconnected, or something deeper. Just going through the motions and it is usually brief and done, over. Making love involves kissing intimately, lingering touches, lying in bed afterwards all day, holding one another, talking, kissing... it means going slowly and experiencing each other's bodies, wanting to please your partner without being self involved. It is an art. And art takes time. Sex is usually wham bam. It satisfies the bare minimum. The lust factor. Your best lover will in my opinion rarely ever be a person you had sex with for the sake of sex or to scratch an itch. Your best lover will be the person you connect to intimately and that means intellectually as well as physically.I do think if you want to have sex, you can find plenty of candidates. But to actually find a GOOD LOVER is much more rare. If you do, hang onto them. And enjoy.Also, even when you love someone and make love to them, there are days when you want pure, raw animalistic sex with them. Is it still making love? I would say yes if you are with the person you are intimately connected with. Just many different moods associated with sex. Depends on the day. I say enjoy them all and have fun experimenting with each other. Never stop putting an effort in. Even if you have chemistry, good sex does take a certain amount of work and dedication. And always be PASSIONATE. Passion is what is behind the best sex ever.
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reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 November 2016):
 To me, having sex is for the pleasure you both get, but making love can only be done when you're both actually *in* love and there's the deep connection, not just the physical one.
For example, my libido is more of a "make love" drive than a "sex" drive because I crave the emotional closeness to my boyfriend, not the sex itself.
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reader, Josh44 +, writes (22 November 2016):
Josh44 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all,I think you are all right at least how I think of it.enjoy your day,happy thanksgiving
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reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 November 2016):
 How I know the difference between making love vs. sex.
I get better results after creative love making than just having spontaneous sex.
After he’s physically spent I know his Serotonin level is higher, the release of Dopamine to his brain makes him feel King of the world… So he’s more agreeable when I ask for his Credit Card :)
CAA
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reader, jls022 +, writes (21 November 2016):
To me, sex is mostly about the feeling and the pleasure of the act, whereas making love is as much about connecting with the other person as it is about the physical sensation, if not more so. Sadly, many people these days don't seem to want to build enough of a relationship to graduate to the latter which is a shame as there really is no contest.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 November 2016):
 I think BrownWolf's description is perfect. I'd just add that for me, making love means you are involved in the act mind, body and soul - you are ALL in. Having sex is well, more mechanical.
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reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 November 2016):
Making love is about you pleasing her needs and not just getting some for you. It means you take the time to satisfy her in her way, and not your own.
Having sex is more in the heat of the moment. You both want it, go at it, until someone or both are done. Then get dress and get back to whatever you were doing.
If you making love right...Neither one of you are going anywhere after...too spent to move.
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