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Loves me, loves me not. Then wants to see me again. Am I expecting too much?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2015)
A female Hong Kong age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I'm not sure about what should I do now.

I've been with my bf for 5 years and he's going to marry me next year. We used to be so connected and compatible. Our relationship was great. He made surprises and seriously trying hard to make me happy.

Since this year our relationship has seemed doomed. I think my feeling changed and I lost respect and excitement about him.

Probably because I don't really like the fact that marrying him would changes my life drastically. I would live with his family and workers without any privacy except in our bedroom. I wish we could have our own home with our small future family.

So in last february, I told him I didn't want to live in his family house, we broke up and he's so disappointed.

We got back together and since then I know he's not sacrificed much for me anymore but still trying to build our future by working hard.

In august, I told him again I can't live with him and asked for break up, he's so disapointed that time and he changed so much, until I feel he's like a different person.

He's been a jerk to me for about 2 months.

He's been ignorant, insensitive, and refused to meet me.

I tried everything to get back with him, I pleaded, tried to be patience, tried to be more understanding while the situation is so complicated, and I even went to his house to talk to him, to meet him in person.

But that he still told me his feeling changes, he doesn't love me like before, than he ask for break up.

Just 3 hours after he asked for a break, he regreted it, he updated status about losing someone he loves so deep etc.

Then the next day he contact me and want to reconcile, he said want to get back like we used to, want to tried it once more.

I didn't directly agree on it and left it for 3 days. He kept texting and calling me.

I know he regrets it but I don't want to make it too easy for him. Since that I know he went back to who he was before, he loved and cared about me like he used to be.

I just worry, that does he really love me? I know he's lack of social life now so do I, we don't have best friend to always hang out with, and when we meet, sometimes I feel so annoyed seeing his apperance now, he wears jewelerry which I hate, but he seems excited seeing me, keep telling he loves me.

I know he wants to marry me next year, I just confuse what should I think and do?

I'm afraid I'm not gonna be happy with him. But I know he's the only man that love me more than I can return. What should I do to make our connection deepeer and I can be happy with him?

Do I expect too much? Am I irrational to wish a perfect happy life? Or there's something wrong in me? I'm so excited to wait for the advices. Thank you!

View related questions: a break, best friend, broke up, got back together, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015):

Hi there from a boys perspective he will take you back if your heart tells you to get back do it before its to late. I hit a low point last year I lost everything my ex lost baby day after i lost my job and day by day I was losing myself than I lost my ex that I truly still love. I finely getting help and in return with this help I will get religion back also. I been a jerk to her due to feeling low and my parents been giving her support that she truly deserve. But unfortunately she as been cheating on me with two different guys ones my mate :( well you either take a choice or a chance. My moto is life is no matter of choice its a matter of chance. Take all your chances while the cards are on the table. I been giving nothing but been blamed for everything. I put my hand on heart and bible I did nothing wrong she Manilated my family against me. But I forgive her tho life to short. Good luck to you hope things work out and happy new year to you all x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2014):

Why cant you guys do what we here in the u.s. do which is quite normal for us here. Why cant you both contribute and get a place together and split everything down the middle. The burden shouldn't be on him only. If you don't want to live with his folks then you need to work and be able to pay half the bills with him on you guys a place for yourselves that you can call home. Tell him you don't the idea of living with other people and married then tell him your plan. The plan that you both work and have your own place together just the two of you. If you don't like the idea then oh well it just wont happen for you. You guys need to meet in the middle. You talked about him working so hard but how hard have you worked. Are you saving? Do you work??

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (30 December 2014):

You are both so young, and you have been together since you were kids. You can't possibly have much experience with dating other people, except as a minor, which is totally different than having an adult relationship. So you have nothing to really compare this relationship to.

You have grown apart. Like most people, your childhood sweetheart isn't actually Mr right. Be bold, and move on into your futures without each other. Do not marry someone that you have such serious doubts about. Date. Have new experiences and new relationships.

Time to let this one go.

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