A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a problem as of late. I've been with my current GF for almost two years now (we are going to Amsterdam for our two year anniversary in May) but I feel all emotions have gone from my part. We are in a long distance relationship (i'm currently in uni and she works full time and has a morgage) and the first couple of months were absolutely amazing, the months after that were nice and then now it's just... A relationship. I don't feel satisfied as I once did (I find myself masturbating to straight porn and wishing I was with a man). She's the first girl i've been with- before that i've been with only two other boys, one of them sexually. I used to love going down on my ex boyfriend, and well I think I miss it... But that's not too say I don't love having sex with my GF, but she doesn't have the same sexual appetitise as I do. I feel like she makes no real effort on her part (last year I booked a holiday for her birthday and i've sorted the holiday for this year too). I'm not asking for her to shell out bags and bags of money on me as I am not materialistic nor do I really like going away, i'm just asking for a bit more attention! I want her to make the same efforts that I make for her, I want her to be spontaneous and whisk me off my feet as she once did. Now all she does is sit infront of the tv watching football or some other crap when she gets home. I hate tv, I hate football yet I am the one who has to sit down and watch tv or religiously go and watch her play football. I don't feel this is fair at all, the effort is one sided and I feel I have put up with it long enough! I want her to make me feel special like she once did, not make me feel like screaming in her face everytime she looks at me. I love her, I hate her, I love her again. She says I have the ability to push her buttons, and every other thing that comes out of my mouth is garbage and all I want to do is create an argument out of a debate. What she does not understand is that i'm in university and all the things I learn I try to discuss with her and show her stuff from a theoretical view. I'm a dreamer and she's a realist. She says she listens to what I have to say but she doesn't, not really. I've always had this idle day dream of "frolicking" (best term to use lol) in a field with no one around and she tells me I can't do that on someone else's property. When I turn around and say to her how can a human possibly claim someone that is ultimately not his she goes off in a factual bla bla bla. I'm meerly trying to be philisophical yet she thinks I purely enjoy creating an argument for arguments sake. It kills me inside everytime she rejects my sexual advances. I always feel low and cheap when she does that. I've only ever kissed three people in my life and all three of them have been stable relationships based on friendship and love. Two of the three have been sexual. What I don't understand is that she was a girl that used to kiss everyone and anyone, get pushed up in clubs, get fingered in clubs... The first time she had sex was purely to just get it over with. If she can do this with total strangers, why is it then that she can't even find the time of day for me? She's the first girl i've kissed, she's the first person i've ever let properly touch me so what I don't understand for the life of me is... What is wrong with me? Why do I not appeal to her? Why can I appeal to others and not appeal to the person I want to appeal to? (bit of a tongue twister)Where has the passion gone? Where has the intimacy gone? When I used to go see her before I always used to get nervous when I was approaching where she lived. And everytime I used to get in the car I used to get shy because I was in total awe of how beautiful she is. Now it's put my bag in the car and away we go. No shyness and no butterflies. She used to kiss me with such passion, and now she barely kissed me at all. Everytime I tell her i'm having sexual thoughts about her she tells me to stop when before she used to encourage it and that's when we used to make random 2 am car journeys to each other.She loves me with all her heart, I know this. But why give me something so amazing to just take it back? Does she not find me sexually attractive anymore? The other night I crawled on her at like 3 am and started kissing her, she kissed me back for a second and fell back to sleep. I started to cry and slept on the oppositie side of the bed to her. She didn't even notice all night. When she awoke she asked me why I moved and said she was upset by it... And that's it... It's always that. What is the point. Thank you for reading guys, sorry about the length!
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anniversary, cheap, kissing, long distance, money, my ex, porn, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Hi, yes she does know I'm bi sexual- my ex boyfriend gave me an ultimatum. If I wanted to stay friends with him I'd have to cut off contact with her- I choose her.She was a sexual person when I met her, she knows all of it where as I'm quite reserved. She tried to kiss me twice when I first met her but I pulled back (please note, me and my boyfriend broke up before I met her). I personally think she enjoys the chase. Everytime I bet her that I won't have sex with her she feels like she has to do it purely on the basis it's a conquest. Am I not a chase to her anymore?In terms of finances- we do not live together so she deals with her mortgage and bills, I do not want to live with her. After I finish university I'm going to travel. But in terms of buying food and stuff and going out I'd say I pay for most of it. She'll buy once in a while. But she's got a mortgage where I am untied. But I offer to pay- I hate people paying for me- I feel like I owe them something if they pay for me. But I'm not resentful about money... Far from it! I'm resentful about the effort on her part!
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 This is very interesting.
She is your masculine, your are her feminine, but they are in great conflict with each other.
They do actually love/hate each other.
Very interesting.
But before we attempt to get into the psychology of it all a few questions:
Does she know you are bi-sexual?
Why do you think she was/is so sexually permissive in the clubs/bars?
Who handles the finances, how are they distributed?
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