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Lost him after 8 1/2 years overnight

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 October 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 22 October 2014)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

8 1/2 years we were together through all kinds of troubles but after 8 1/2 years he ended it in a cruel way. I think he planned ahead. Came to my house took things he hdId for and ended it by telling me I was selfish stubborn ect.... I was in shock , in the past he would always come back after a fight. We had a history. But this time he did not he told his parents the next day and went to get. Massage , started dTing the Asian girl from out of state that was "training to be a masseuse" then he spent all kinds of $ to go see her for 5 days, I tried to get back with him, he changed his reasons said it was because I did not sell my house, I offered to do just that said this is simple we can fix this, them he changed it again after suing this is not a debate said we had our time. He does not know I know about the girl. Then he went to china to see her for 10days, again spending lots $. I don't get it , now could he skit fall out of love with me for all that time and seems to be on love with her overnight . She was working in an Asian massage parlor, NOT a liscenced massage therapist. I know he loved me. I can't get over it, and don't feel like I can ever love Another. He will not contact me and seems to avoid me. I am devasted what can I do t get hm back

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

Correction, the word suing should be saying it was a typo.

Many comments here say things like he does NOT want to be with you.

First of all I figured that out, and must say I do not need anymore hurtful words. Got enough of that in my head already, I am not stalking him only made initial contact to try and reunite. He had donee that with me many times before. I guess what I really have tried to figure out is how it happens this way, they can be fine one day and they meet the Asian girl and off they go.it is simply devastating, don't know when it can happen. I know he loved me, and we were together along time. So please have a little compassion.thank y jan open for yr honesty but wow really, the massage places are everywhere now, what's up with that.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 October 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Dear lady, give us some credit, will you. I don't think anybody who said " he does not want you any more " said it in the spirit of " nyah nyah nyah , eat your heart out ! ".

They said it to underline how you are most, most probably just flogging a dead horse, and that it would be in your best interest fighting to find the courage for moving on, not fighting to lure back... a 50- ot 60 something guy who fell in love overnight with a young sex worker ( That per se should be enough to make you see him under a different, much less enamoured light ! )

In this way, you could, in time, open your heart again to find new love( even if now it seems impossible ). And even if you shouldn't... you'd gain back your dignity , and your peace of mind. Very precious gifts which you should not throw away for someone like him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

Correction, the word suing should be saying it was a typo.

Many comments here say things like he does NOT want to be with you.

First of all I figured that out, and must say I do not need anymore hurtful words. B

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (22 October 2014):

I know it can be a shock to lose someone you've been with for so long. His excuses don't matter, and your answers won't help. That's just how he gets rid of you. At this point he simply does not want to be with you. And right now continuing to press your case will only make him resent you.

If you want him back, the best way would be to move on. Stop contacting him. Live your life to 100% if it's possibilities. His fling will not last and he does not love her. He probably still loves you but is just fed up with aspects of you.

If you try and move on two things will happen. You'll start to be at peace, and he may realize he still cares about you. If not, don't worry as there are three billion other guys.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014):

Did he sue you? I'm a bit confused on this. If you could clarify, would be appreciated.

There's really nothing you can do to make him come back to you, or stay with her, for that matter. What you have control over is your self-respect. Cease all contact with him immediately. Work on getting yourself together, so when and if he decides to return to you (he may stay with her), you will be in a place of strength and empowerment when deciding if YOU want him.

Sorry you're in so much pain; however, it will dissipate over time. Never say never to the possibility of love in the future.

Keep us updated on Dear Cupid. Stay Strong.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 October 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWhy do you want him back? What is it that is missing from your life that ONLY he can provide?

He does NOT want to be with you.

When he tires of her and comes crawling back begging you to forgive him I hope you do not.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (21 October 2014):

janniepeg agony auntThat Asian girl is working at a place where the girls give happy endings to customers. I believe you only know a man at the end of a relationship. If a man stays until death you know he's a good man. When a man's life's end goal is to have his ego stroked by ultra feminine, submissive young females then you know what his true colors is. That huge ego need surpasses all basic compassion and respect for a partner. I would say this is a lost cause. Just because you feel you can't love anyone else is no reason to stay with him. At least you should respect yourself enough to not witness any more immoral act of his, one more day. Gather all email messages and receipts he might have and present to a lawyer then talk about divorce and settlement.

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