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Losing your V card: does is hurt?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Okay, before the question, i would like to give you some background onto the situation.

I am thinking of losing my virginity, im 18 and i have a boyfriend.

We are not in a hurry to lose our virginity to each other, just thinking about it.

We know all about contraception etc. and are definately going to be using it!

I just read a question on this site asking if losing your virginity hurt, as some people bleed, and i thought that the answers were helpful, so for me to gain more information i google'd 'losing your virginity' and found a site that said the worst thing you could do when having sex for the first time was to get in the standard missionary position (which i know is male on top) because this means that the female has little control, whereas if the female was to be on top of the male, she has total control in what is comfortable and painful, speeds, etc.

[Not that im saying if you decided to try the standard missionary position you have no control at all, of course you can always say 'No more, hurts too much']

Also, one of my friends who has already started having sex, said that she did not bleed and that she went on top for her first time.

Im not afraid of bleeding, don't exactly like pain, but i want my first time to be as enjoyable as it can be, whenever it is.

So basically, my question is, do you think that the female being on top for her first time, would allow for a more painless and enjoyable experience?

Oh, and another thing is that apparently taking pain relief like paractemol is good? because it helps muscles to relax?? {Not quite sure about this though!??}

Sorry about the length, thanks :)

View related questions: muscle

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

I'm only 15...16 in 2 weeks. My boyfriend and I have been having feelings for each other for about 4 years. We just started dating a few months ago. We have already "felt each other up" and "know each other's bodies" but I have a lot of the same questions you do.

Thank you to the Anonymous answer...the lengthy one =D. It answered a lot of my questions.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008):

It does hurt while you are in the act and you may feel sore afterwards. I also bled a lot. If it hurts you too much let him know. The most important thing is to relax and to preotect yourself. Sex is fun and you shouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant if you don't want to be. So, get on some birth control and please use condoms.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the answers received so far,

as for the last answer about the valentines card..i didn't name my question, dearcupid did, however i did see the funny side :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

Why would it hurt to lose a Valentine's card? I don't understand.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

Dear Poster

It is important that you do what makes you feel good; "feeling good" should last past the sex itself; you should not feel anxious afterwards about getting pregnant or catching some horrible disease;


When you have sex doesn't really matter. What should matter instead is that you and your partner HAVE SEX WHEN YOU ARE BOTH COMFORTABLE and READY.

More important than time of day is the time you have to spend. Give yourself a lot of time to have sex the first time. (Don't rush).

Don't drink too much alcohol, if any at all. It may help you shed inhibitions, but it may also make his erection much more difficult to achieve.

WHERE you have sex is probably an IMPORTANT decision. Finding a place where you both can be PRIVATE for a couple of hours can be difficult but it's worth it.

(A bed is probably still the best).Hopefully you'll have a room to yourself, with all the amenities that a bedroom affords, including heat, comfort, space, and the bathroom. Take a shower together! If you're about to have sex, you've probably had your hands all over each other before now. Get to know each other's bodies; TAKE YOUR TIME; That's what lovemaking is about.


You can't expect him to KNOW what makes you feel good. You'll have to TELL HIM or SHOW him, and that may mean taking some of the initiative, taking his hands and placing them where they make you feel good. GO SLOW; If it's his first time, he may well be totally nervous about what you're about to do, and his penis may not respond at first. Patience, gentleness, and understanding are required to bring it back to life, but that's why you have to give yourselves lots of time.


You have probably heard horror stories about how much losing your virginity hurts. For a few women, it does, but with the right touch and the right partner, you should be able to take his penis into your body without pain. HAVE HIM TAKE HIS TIME, USE A LUBRICANT, AND PRESS HIS FINGERS INTO YOU, OPENING YOU UP SLOWLY. Tell him when it feels good and when it hurts.

What position should we use?Choose what's best for you. Just remember to tell him to go slow, take your time, and if you feel the need, use a commercial lubricant like KY Jelly.

Try to forget about your anxiety;this is as much a learning experience as a loving experience.

Don't worry about making noises or orgasm; just relax and ENJOY yourself.


Being a good lover doesn't happen automatically. With the right partner, time, care, and practice, you have everything you need to become a great lover. Your first times, for both you, will be awkward, but hopefully they'll be the start of great times for the rest of your lives.

Hope this is of assistance to you;

Best wishes; Keep SMILING

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A female reader, OddOne United Kingdom +, writes (29 September 2008):

OddOne agony auntI lost my virginity and bled a lot. And he was on top of me. But, it didn't hurt.

I think you should relax a little on this subject, because even if it does hurt, it will only hurt for a while at the most for most people. And I'm sure if it hurts, your boyfriend will have the courtesy to stop.

Good luck and hope all goes well for you. : )!

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