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Long long story short, rekindle or put out the flame? Please help!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 July 2009)
A male United States age 36-40, *omanticORcreepy writes:

Me and my boyfriend broke up 2 months ago after dating for 14 months. It seemed right we both, yes even myself at the time, decided maybe friends would be better, the spark just wasn't there anymore. It was a lot harder then i thought it would be the next couple days but then i started going out and having a lot of fun, but still missed him. For the last month he's been calling and texting me to hang out and we have and it's been a lot of fun. It feels like it was when we first started to date and hang out. I want to ask him back out, i want to do something special like play a song on my guitar or go out to where we had our first date idk. I feel like since he keeps calling me and texting me maybe he has feelings also. I dont want ruin what could be a good friendship if i take this risk. I keep thinking what if he thinks we make just really good friends and he'll freak if i do something. I can't tell if i'll be romantic or just creepy.

View related questions: broke up, spark, text

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A female reader, Renee okc United States +, writes (22 July 2009):

I totally understand what you are saying, sometimes when people are together for so long they get so wrapped in each others lives and then it seems that the fun isn't there anymore because of all the drama and responsiblity. You guy's are having fun now because there are no expectation's for either of you. There is nothing wrong with going out and having a good time with no strings attached but I do think if you rush things with him you will find yourself wanting to break up again because single life and relationship life are two totally different worlds. See right now you don't have to ask anyone for permission to do anything and what you do won't effect anyone but if you guys get into a relationship again right now that will change because you will be two people instead of one. I hope you get what I'am trying to say basically take your time and play it out and see what comes of your friendship with your X.

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A male reader, wherestheinstructions? United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

So why wasn't the spark there when you broke up? And what has happened in the past two months that make you think it may have returned?

Perhaps you are headed towards rekindling the romance, but it's also possible that you are having so much fun together because you are not in a relationship.

If you were together for 14 months, you should be able to talk to each other honestly, otherwise you definitely don't have a good foundation for a relationship.

So, talk to him and ask him what he wants and how he feels. There's no rush - you could both agree to just see where it leads, but until you have a better idea, avoid having sex or else that will definitely confuse you both.

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