A
female
age
36-40,
*ml2041
writes:My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and have since the very beginning been very comfortable and sexually open with one another, more so than any of our previous relationships. He has several unique fetishes and I've never thought much of it before, I love him and he enjoyed it so everything was great. However his father passed away (shot himself) recently and in going through his father's belongings I came across pictures and things that showed how "diverse" his father's sexual appetite was also. They both apparently like to dress up like women occasionally and be pleasured anally. His father was a sick man (bipolar, alcoholic, violent, etc) I am worried that his father sexually abused him (which he had a history of with women he dated). I just dont know whether or how to talk to my fiance about all this or should I just leave it alone. Should I talk to him about getting counseling? Or is being freaky, ok? I am comfortable with his fetishes, in fact I enjoy them myself now too.
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 You know, the fact that you are open with your partner and he is with you, you are providing him with a safe zone. You are giving him acceptance and providing him with comfort his father probably never got. Being kinky or freaky is just part of human nature and when someone cant share that with someone or feels isolated, that can lead up to someone having social issues and mental disorders. That is not healthy at all. I think he and you are lucky you can be that open as alot of partners hide things from one another.If he ever was sexually abused, I dont think that is something you should ever ask him. That is very delicate and should be something he tells you because he is ready. If your relationship is that open as you say, he eventually will tell you, if it did happen mind you, and if never did you never will. I think you should put it out of your mind on the presumption that he wasn't. It is just healthier for the two of you.HonningKanin
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 October 2009):
 This is a very delicate area. If he was sexually abused as a child, or even as a young adult, it might be an issue to worry about.
However, the fetishes are not necessarily dependent upon the father's mental illness, the father's suicide, or the father's prior history of sexual abuse.
Nonetheless, if you have to, you could very quietly ask him, perhaps gently, if he had any issues with his father without mentioning sexual abuse.
Other than that, unless he's willing to tell you about something like this, it would be very hard to know. Many times people hide their childhood abuses for several reasons, amongst them not reliving the experiences and the pain.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 Being "freaky" is wonderful, providing everyone is happy and no one is being hurt.
Unless he is displaying odd behaviour, I would leave him alone. Would you have thought he needed counselling or that you were doing anything wrong if you had not found the photographs?
Did you tell your husband you found them?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
If you're happy with his fetishes, then I don't think there's anything wrong. However, if you think your boyfriend is pressurizing you into things you don't want to do, or if you think his fetishes are becoming more and more dangerous or anything like that, then don't do them. Watch for signs of bipolar too. If you try to talk to him, then do it very gently, because there's no doubt he will be sensitive about it.
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