A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:What does his behavior mean, is he just buttering me up or is he really interested in me as something more?First let me explain that I work in a big call center with a lot of 20 30 something men and women and it is a pretty unprofessional place. This is just a temporary gig for me, but I have a new superviosr who is 22 years my junior and is very cute.When he first started I got the impression he had a crush on me, so I fabricated a boyfriend to keep my distance from him, but the weird thing is I kind have grown to like him and his attention, but he started to date another 20 year old girl that works there casually, and flirts with her alot, but that did not go anywhere and she is back with her old boyfriend.This guy was engaged for a long time, and they broke up, but I am not sure how long ago, but I think it has been over 6 months ago.I kind of ignore him at work as much as I can, but sometimes he comes up to me and talks to me while I am trying to work and I have to shoo him away so I can get my work done.He has gotten mad at me a few times, and seems to overreact with me, but I handled him well and he calmed down immediately.Last weekend, he comes up to me and says I am his favorite (out of his sales team) and that I am mature. And he goes on to say that he thinks it takes women a long time to grow up, that they need to be at least 25. Then he comes up to me again and strokes this little beard gotee thing he is growing on his face (and I had teased him about a few days earlier and told him I did not care for it) that he was thinking of shaving it off, and I said I did not care what he did, but then I found myself touching his moustache gently and saying well you are pretty and it is a shame to cover all that up, and he just said yeah, and then we went back to work and sort of I ignored him the rest of the day. The following day which was today at work, he completely ignored me and was all over talking to the other girl he dated for a bit, and they were not working and distracting the rest of us, and I sort of got mad, and said something to the girl about it after he left the little huddle, and I know he saw. So after lunch I got a sale, and he came over and talked to me for awhile and started telling me a story out of the blue about his grandfathers dying, and how he was the only one who knew where his grandfather wanted to be buried, about his parents siblings and where they went to school in our town, about where his grandparents retired from and how one was a minister, and he asked how old I was and I told him I was in my 40's, when awhile ago he guessed he thought I was 30 or 35 (I find this hard to believe and that he is just flattering me here), and then he mentioned a previous conversation we had by saying you think I am an alcoholic, and I said no I asked you if you thought you were because you told me you get drunk on Sundays, and he said no, because I can go weeks and months without drinking at all....Sorry this is so convoluted, but does this sound like a conversation a guy has when he is trying to find out if you are interested in a date, or is he just simply wanting to get to know me all of a sudden, is he buttering me up because he thinks he made me mad as boss? I just don't know what to think because he is so much younger than me and I have no experience with this, he must think I am a total nut or something to act the way I do, touching his face really I did not even think to do it, I just did it because that was how I felt at the time, and now I feel I have made a dummy out of myself.Any ideas or advice for me, I plan on leaving the job anyway, otherwise I would never even consider this as a romantic possibility.
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alcoholic, at work, broke up, crush, drunk, engaged, flirt Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): I don't think its a good idea. He sounds unprofessional and I think he's doing it to 'stroke his ego', like someone else said.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): Don't waste your time on this clown. He's a con artist.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  + ♥, writes (22 November 2006):
 Glad to hear you wouldn't consider a relationship in work as they can be awkward. I don't think the 'age' is the problem here but there are lots of other things about this guy that would make me cautious. He honestly sounds like a bad manager - I would never tell my staff who was my 'favourite' for example as it is unprofessional. He seems to be sweeping the floor of the call centre and maybe he just making light entertainment of all the girls working in your centre to break up the boredom of the job. Sorry to be harsh but he has already dated one girl at work and anyone in authority of any age knows that is a bad situation to get into. Maybe he really does like you but it would only be appropriate to find out once you have left the job by keeping in touch outside the office - you sound like a nice person so please don't end up as his 'office trophy'. You have to weigh up the options here - tell him how you feel and risk rejection, tell him how you feel and start a relationship if he feels the same (which may not work out if he is a player at work) or leave well alone as you may need him for a reference for another job...I know which one I would pick but ultimately the decision is yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): It's a toughie! From what you've said I really can't make out whether he's interested... but he has told you some quite personal things, definitely not typical interaction between an employer and employee.
Why not let him make the first move, seeing as you're unsure? This is the way I'd go anyway... he must know the way you feel towards him, seeing as you touched his face and said "well, you are pretty"! If you're leaving, he knows he's running out of time to do something about it if he's interested. Maybe try subtle hinting! And failing that, maybe ask if if he'd like to go out for a quick coffee at lunch one day, or after work? You might find out more that way, and if it transpires there's nothing in it you don't look foolish!
PLease don't take this the wrong way at all, because its not meant to be mean at all, hehe :) But there is quite a large age difference between you and it could be possible that he's just playing up to you, or doing it to stroke his ego. I don't know him so I can't say if that's true! But proceed with caution!
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