A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been best friends for several years. We met online back in 2011 and were just good friends, later that year we finally met and knew we were both interested in each other. He lives in Iowa and i'm in minnesota. We were off and on for a while, but I always viewed him as my boyfriend. There has been a few times where he dated other girls, which only led to extreme heartbreak for the both of us. In August we officially began dating again, so it's been four months. The distance is hard, but we've got a pretty system going. We see each other usually ever 2 or 3 weeks and text/skype constantly. But as of lately, things have felt a little different. A situation arose where his boss suddenly started stalking him, or at least thats how it seemed. She's very into him and has made both of us feel very uncomfortable due to some actions and words she's said..she's older and is married (which makes it even worse). I'm not worried about it but I have put my guard up a bit. He's also been hanging out with a female co-worker who is his "best friend". They will go out to eat and go to movies. She's a very sweet girl but part of me fears something will spark between them and i'll be left in the dark. I trust him, but part of me is telling me to be careful...I love this man more than anything and we've talked about getting married and starting a family, so it's serious. Do I have something to worry about or am I just being a lonely/jealous girlfriend that over thinks every little thing?
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best friend, co-worker, jealous, met online, spark, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the both of you are right. We are both under a lot of stress right now. I'm in school and working full times and he's got a stressful job. I do think I need to go out and make more friends and be more social. I am definitely trying to protect my feelings and my heart. I feel as if our relationship is kind of "boring" and "bland" right now. Our conversations are predictable and short. We text everyday, and skype maybe once or twice a week depending on our schedules. He's open about them going to a movie and getting sushi. I talk to her every once in a while too, so it's not like she's a stranger. I do think if we lived closer it wouldn't bother me at all. I'm unsure how long I should try and keep this going..we both want to take the next step in our relationship but right now that's not possible. I'm bored and lonely and hate having to wait to see him every 2-3 weeks. Engagement won't happen any time soon, i'm guessing. Not until we are back in the same state and live together. I'm in love with this guy but i'm so frustrated right now. Thank you for listening and giving you words if wisdom. It really has helped a lot.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): Long-distance relationships will place a lot of stress on your ability to trust your mate. In each others absence, there are still the usual temptations and outside influences that can affect any relationship. The difficult part is, not being nearby to offer the in-person interaction and reassurance you both need.Your boyfriend is undergoing an unusual amount of female-drama on his end. So I can understand where you're suspicious. I have a feeling, he is compensating for your absence by keeping a "best friend" who conveniently happens to be female. The problem is, you feel she is more into him than in just a friendly way. If he is aware of that; he shouldn't place such a burden on you. Activities that resemble dating is taking it a bit far. Especially if a possible engagement is on the horizon. I bet you a fifty to dollar, he wouldn't appreciate you regularly going to the movies and hanging out with a male "best friend." Not with him miles away. I'd suggest that you tone down the relationship to more casual; and keep any possible engagement on hold. I think you're more committed than he is on the other end.The thing with the stalking boss, sounds a bit creepy. You may not be getting the whole story, and there may be more to it. She has far too much to lose by making advances on an employee. Her job and her marriage in jeopardy. Weird, don't you think?Continue dating, only as long as you feel comfortable with it. Don't hold on, if the stress level rises. Express your discomfort; but don't be accusatory. If he wants to maintain trust from a distance, he's got some adjustments to make. You're not being jealous, you're being protective of your feelings. He should be highly aware of that. Go out and make some male and female friends of your own. Maintain a healthy and active social-life, form a good support-system, and keep things balanced on both ends.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 November 2013):
 Long distance relationships are always difficult at the best of times.
I know you said you see one another every two or three weeks and in the meantime text and Skype "constantly". would that be every day? or less?
As for his boss, he needs to keep to a strictly business relationship with her. Of course, IF he were to tell her he thinks she's "into" him, she'd probably deny it - that is why I recommend he associates with her ONLY on work matters, IN the office (don't know if they have to go to off-site meetings) and if she says something "funny" he should bring the conversation right back to whatever they are working on and not let himself be drawn into anything flirtatious.......
As for the "best friend"; well, does he talk to you about her when they go out to eat, and what movie they went to see? If he is open about it, you might be able to get some sense of whether you have anything to worry about.
Finally, you say you love him and want to get married. You may have met him online, as you said (I'm not doubting you) but what does "being best friends for several years" actually MEAN? How often did you get together to visit or go out somewhere? Or was your communication then an occasional visit with much more "video visits" and texts? \
Hope what I have said will be helpful.
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