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Lack of oral sex in a relationship...

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, *ondoe85 writes:

I've been dating a girl for 2 years now, and we never have oral sex. She doesn't want me to do it for her, but I do want her to do it to me. I'm not selfish though, I'd go down on her 7 days a week if she'd let me. I love giving oral to women.

She said "when the time is right" we will do it.

She had 4 previous BFs, all of which she gave oral to/recieved oral after about a year into the relationship.

it just makes me feel so unwanted. Everything else in our relationship is perfect, but this area makes me upset. I usually bring it up every 3-4 months to see where she is at regarding the issue, but she says, "you're just pressuring me". I never express pressure. I just try to talk about it with her, nice and civilized, but I understand if she feels pressured. She gets very defensive. She has never mentioned being traumatized about oral sex, or having a bad experience relating to it, she just says "I'm not ready".

I told her how I feel it's a big part of a relationship, and she agreed with me. It just hasn't happened in two years...

I always think if two people are in love and neither one of them *hates* the act of oral sex, then why not do it? Why not give each other pleasure? It boggles my mind.

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (16 April 2009):

lotus mama808 agony auntHave you considered the possability that she may be a little self concious about her area down there? Maybe it's as simple as a mole that she thinks is absolutely hidious, or perhaps the last guy she was with told her she tasted like a can of tuna gone bad. Who knows, but my point is, from what you say, it just seems like she is hiding something and knows it will be discovered if oral is performed. Maybe she has an opinion on your genitals that is holding her back from being on the giving end. A person with nothing to hide, hides nohing;)

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A male reader, jondoe85 United States +, writes (16 April 2009):

jondoe85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you for the reply. but again, she has done it before with numerous guys. so she cant be shy about it too much. she told me, "she doesnt love giving oral, but since it makes the guy happy, she enjoys giving it".

i wont ask her again.. but the longer we go without it, the more difficult it is.. =(

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (16 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntShe may just feel insecure about her vagina, and its appearance. And she may not want to take you in her mouth because she may not like the taste, smell, feel of it...not everyone loves oral sex. I'm sure if she wants to do it then she will do it. Just tell her to let you know when she wants to do it, then don't ask her again! X

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A female reader, FLAgirl1113 United States +, writes (16 April 2009):

One of two things...either she has something going on down there and she doesn't want your mouth there OR she hasn't had a pleasurable experience with it and feels it's worthless...or (actually three things) she doesn't want to have to reciprocate, so she won't allow you to do her.

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