A
male
age
41-50,
*orbandallas
writes:I met this Korean girl a little over a month ago. We started dating, everything was going great. After a couple of weeks she mentioned that she will have to return to Korea in October because her Visa will expire.I thought it over quite a bit, and I decided I would go with her. She did hint at wanting me to go, but I never said anything.Last night, everything fell apart. She was at my house, we were fooling around a little, then she left to meet some friends for drinks. At first she didn't want me to go because she and her friends don't speak english very well and that it would make her uncomfortable. Then I get texts saying her friends want to meet me, she misses me, and that she wants to come back to my place. By the way haven't slept together yet. This is all quite late.Then I get a call at 1am, she's quite drunk, I can't understand what she is saying. She said someone approached her, a Korean guy, then she reminded me that she was leaving in october. I told her she sounded a little strange, I could tell something was up. She said was going home and we said goodnight.Then I get this text "I think we are not suitable each other. Its my problem. Take care"I ask if I did something wrong, her response: "Not you. I realized i was not suitable for u. Its a big problem to make a converstion for us""Anyway i miss u, i have to go back to korea though""I enjoyed time we spent together take care"I replied: "Well I'm really going to miss you. I wanted to tell you before, but I thought it was too soon, I would go to Korea for you. I don't know what else to say""Think about it. Good night, and if I don't talk to you again, take care"I'm hurting quite a bit, I don't know what happened, she seemed to really like me. It's now 8am, I haven't heard anything from her and I'm not sure I will.I really care for this girl. Is there anything else I can do? As I said I would move to Korea for her, but she has to want me to go.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 what's the lesson Daniel?
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 See? There is a lesson to learn here.
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (5 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo response, think it's over. What crappy way to end things. Man this hurts...
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (5 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCould be over, and it might be a cultural thing, she is very conservative and traditional. I've done all I can. Maybe she'll let me add her to facebook and we can keep in touch and see what happens.I was planning to move to Hong Kong in February, she doesn't know that, so switching plans to Korea for her is no big deal to me. Alas, the clock shall tick and an answer shall reveal itself either way...
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (5 July 2011):
it's kinda sad to me that this day and age, everybody is saying Goodbye permanently through text and leaving it at that. The romantic part (heart) in me, wants you to run to her with flowers and luggage in hand right before she boards the plane to Korea to declare your love for her. (Yes, I watch too many chick flicks).
But the sensible part (head) says that well, the ball is in her court. She did ended it with you through text and you did reply to her, so if she wanted to get back, then it's up to her to say that she made a drunk dial mistake and lets make up and get back.
Realistcally, being Asian myself, I think the situation here is that she is expected to marry a Korean guy and although she might have strong feelings for you, it is not enough to sustain a future (marraige/kids..ect)
You have only been dating a month, so the relationship is very new. I'm not sure if that's enough to give up your whole life and move for a girl.
If I were you, to show her you really honestly care. Just pick up the damn phone like an adult and if things are truly over, let her say it and say Goodbye the proper way. Not knowing is the worst way to end things.
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (5 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Well I just texted her this:
"Hi, I though about what you said last night, and I respect how you feel, but I would like to talk to you about it. Could you call me when you get a chance?"
Ball is in her court. Keep you all posted ;)
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (4 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe did basically drunk dial me then dumped me via text. Not very cool at all. Why should I chase her then?
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A
female
reader, janna03  +, writes (4 July 2011):
how i wish i am that girl lol, anyway maybe she is afraid of her feelings so she cant confront u, but still asked her whats the reason behind all of a sudden she changed, and knowing u are including the option of moving in korea with her, i can say u love her, try your best to find out what really happened.. Goodluck
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (4 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm going to call her tonight and see what she says. A month isn't very long to move to a different country for someone, but I've wanted to live abroad for quite sometime now. my gut tells me I won't see her ever again. It's gonna hurt like a SOB.
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Only knowing each other for a month is a long time to consider displacing yourself to another country, for.
She may have realized this.
At this stage i'm afraid the ball is really in her court. If she was drunk, you may want to give her a couple hours (or even a day?) before closing the book on her. I would give it a couple of days, and if it's still really eating at you you could try sending a message just saying "did you think about what i said? Does it change things at all?"
But at this stage i'm afraid it's a waiting game.
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (4 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, she hasn't tried to contact me yet today, but it's only noon here. This is so unlike her, she's really quite nice, and, she would always contact me and ask me what I'm doing. I want to give her some space, but I also want to fight for her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Has she tried to contact you yet? I guess really it is her place to contact you now so I don't think you should contact her. She might be feeling embarrassed with herself at the moment. But there is obviously something on her mind or she wouldn't have finished things with you. I guess its just a waiting game now to see if she contacts you and explains herself.
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (4 July 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the question
She seemed to be really into me. So the general consensus is that I can't do anything? She is a really sweet girl, I think she either regrets what she said or finally had the courage to say what's on her mind.
I guess she is really having a hard time expressing herself to me.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 You are far better off without her. Imagine the pain you'd feel after you've just moved to korea and she dumps you.you'll get better with time.goodluck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (4 July 2011):
In sum: good riddance.
If she doesn't want you there, why would you go?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 July 2011):
Well she was drunk when she spoke to you about this. I wouldn't be to quick to judge what she was saying if she was drunk as she might wake up now and regret it. Wait until she is sober and talk to each other face to face and see what you both want. It could be a case that she is finding things difficult because of the language barrier. I guess the only thing that you can do is talk to her when she is sober and ask her how she is feeling.
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