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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Right guys/gals.I got a question for you.I just split up with my girlfriend. We absolutely adored one another. Really in love. Practically joined at the hip.Anyway, my last ex was a bit crazy when I was with her and still is. She found out about my new girlfriend about a month ago and really messed things up between us. She told her a pack of lies. Now my girlfriend has lots of doubts if I'm being honest. So for the past month we've been arguing a lot. But at the weekend my girlfriend broke up with me saying she couldn't do this anymore and I basically agreed with her, but I was just mad she had split up with me. Anyway, she got really upset and said if I really loved her I'd fight for her. So yesterday it got really bad. She said she never wanted to see me again which really broke my heart. So I said fine and I've not been in touch since. Anyway her Mum wanted to speak to me today which I agreed to and meet her and she told me her daughter was crying all night. What happened, etc. So I told her. Her Mum told me she loved me and her Mum had never heard her say that before.Anyway I've stayed true to my word and not phoned or text or anything. But she sent me a text asking how I was and if I'm okay? Should I reply? What do I reply? I love her and miss her dearly, but she said we can't be together anymore even though she is still in love with me. Too much has happened. I had said some nasty things, and I admit that. Which makes it even harder. If she hated me it would be cool, but knowing she feels the same way about me just makes it even harder.What should I do? I want to reply but I don't know what to say or do.Does she just want to make sure I'm okay, or is she wanted to get back with me? I really don't know.Thanks in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Your ex (the second) sounds really immature and childish.
She broke up with you and then complained if you " really loved her you'd fight for her"?
That is a text book dramaqueen.
-For starters she is taking advice from your ex-girlfriend (the first) rather than giving you a chance and respecting the bounds of your private relationship.
-And the fact that she has to have her mother talk to you rather than talk to you herself is a childish. Even if I were upset about losing someone, even if it were my own fault, I would NEVER send someone to talk on my behalf.
I understand the allure; you are hurt and having trouble getting over her and you now discover she feels the same way... but I wouldn't budge until she talks to you herself.
Not texting.
Talking.
The problems in your relationship seemed to stem from indirect communication in the first place; communication via your ex. Now communication via her mom. They will happen again if she doesn't learn how to express herself.
How to respond to her text?
First off is pretty obvious, ask her why she wants to know anyway if she made the decision to break up with you.
If you are interested in getting back together, perhaps tell her that if she wants a real conversation you would be open to meeting up in person.
A
male
reader, Demoni  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 What this boils down to is trust. She does not trust you, she also sounds manipulative. She's the kind of woman who will happily take a strangers word over someone she is meant to be in love with and then toy with your head by wanting to break up with you but then throwing a hissy fit if you actually agree with her, thus making you the bad guy... for agreeing with her.
It seems quite clear that she does want to get back together with you. So if you choose to answer her text and it leads to you guys meeting up (because it will) you need to tell her how much she hurt you and that unless she learns to trust you and stops playing head games there's no future for you as a couple.
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A
female
reader, lynxy  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 if she sent you that text it means she misses you too. sometimes we say terrible things when we are upset then later regret them. In any case you should respond , you might say you miss her and love her and you are sorry for all what happened and now you feel bad because you've hurt her.Then wait for her respond to see if she's still very angry. Give her time when you love each other the things are going to work out well.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (1 February 2011):
 You should reply to your girlfriend. Start off slow and build up. You still love her. She still loves you. Her mother intervened because she feels there was a big misunderstanding, she knows her daughter really loves you, and it's breaking her heart to see her daughter hurting so.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 February 2011):
 Reply to the text, tell her how you feel. Just don't be over dramatic. I think she had enough of that from the ex-gf.
You might have to accept that the drama with your ex is more then she feels she can/want to handle. Doesn't mean you can end things on a "nicer" note.
I think she wants to make sure you are OK, not rekindle the relationship. She may not be ready for that.
Also... in the future, you might want to give a GF the heads up about the crazy GF, that way before you get too serious the girls has a chance to make up her mind whether she thinks she can handle it or not.
Some people just go plain nuts after a break up. Had I known how stark raving mad my husbands ex-gf was I might have reconsidered marriage. I don't think I did the wrong thing in marrying him, but I really could have done without all the drama and hurt that crazy loon put me through.
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